Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 26

Jackson sits up himself and turns the lamp on brighter, just moving and leaning down his side of the bed. I gather he was getting his water but instead he brings the sketchbook up and a pencil.

"You look really-" he starts and then lowers his eyes turning to a blank page. "Don't move too much."

I look up at him in shock and widen my eyes in embarrassment as he turns towards me and lowers his head starting some faint lines on the page.

"What are you doing?" I whisper and he throws me an unimpressed look.

"Distracting myself. Get back to work." He mutters and I mean, who can argue with that?

I look back down to my book and his burning gaze makes my cheeks flush, feeling really bloody exposed. But I don't protest, I just find myself drawn back to the book and continuing to highlight key quotes and moments.

"You're really hard to draw." He says and I frown not really knowing what that means.

"Sorry?"

"No, I just mean, it's really hard to translate to paper how I see you."

"Jackson." I sigh, his words have been becoming kinder, more open and honest. But with that, came my thumping heart and I really couldn't deal with it.

"Shh. Carry on reading."

And I do, at some point I forget he's sat next to me, observing my every feature and instead I get immersed in a culture I knew nothing about. About an hour later, Jackson is still sketching and I'm crying again, after reading Amir finding the little boy after he had attempted suicide.

Fucking hell this hurt. It was just a book, but this writer is mad good.

"Are you ok?" He asks and when I look up at him his eyes are filled with almost amusement, his lips tugged upwards but his voice filled with concern.

I let out a tearful laugh and nod. "It's ok, this book it just hurting my heart."

"Stop reading it then."

"I wanna read it, plus-" I lift my notebook up and tell him "School."

Jackson drops his pencil and leans over to wipe the tears away from my cheek, his hand lingering as my heart picked up.

"You feel a lot."

"Yeah." I say and breathe a laugh at him, thinking he really had no clue. I close the book and gather my things and move them to the floor next to Jackson's bed.

"I'm going to lie down, sorry about-" I gesture his book and he just nods at me, moving away slightly so I can get under the covers.

"Can I carry on?" He asks and I just nod at him.

"Does it help? The drawing?"

"Actually yeah, my hands are still so shaky that it's difficult but it's so distracting just staring at you and not worrying about everything else."

I close my eyes at his words and pull the covers up so only my nose and eyes were left to his eyes. I hear him flick over a page and the sound of the pencil on the paper is actually so calming. I never sleep this early but I knew that I would drift of soon.

Suddenly Jackson's hand runs through my hair and he pulls my hair out from underneath the covers and arranged it around my face and along my side. My eyes pop open at the unexpected contact and he doesn't even make eye contact just continues to do it.

His hands leave me and picks up the pencil again, staring at me intently. And with knowing he is distracted, that he's doing ok, I easily fall asleep.