Endure and Survive (Sequel to How We Live Now)

Chapter 14

"Carl!" I shouted when I got in.

"Over here," he said back.

I sighed in relief and turned to rest my forehead on Daryl's shoulder without thinking. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I pulled back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," I said.

"It ain't that big of a deal," he said a little harshly.

"Guys. I found a crib. Come on," Carl said, interrupting our awkward exchange.

"Right behind you," I said.

I followed him and saw that he was standing in front of a box with a build-it-yourself crib.

"That should be fun to put up. What do you say we get a few toys for her too while we're here?" I asked.

"Yeah that sounds good," he said.

I turned to Daryl.

"You wanna help?" I asked him.

"I ain't got nothing else to do," he said.

Since we were preoccupied with not trying to get shot, we left the backpacks we had brought here in the car. And the backpack that I had found at Morgan's place stayed back there. I looked around the store and was happy to find a backpack that would get the job done. I had Carl and Daryl put things in the bag that they thought Judith would like. Along with enough baby clothes to last awhile.

"Okay. I think that's all that we need," I said after we had searched every inch of the place.

Daryl and Carl were taking the box outside when I passed by an area I must have overlooked. I turned and looked at the few boxes that were left. I took one off the shelf and stowed it away, deep in the backpack. It then occurred to me that we needed to get back to the prison. I had gotten distracted and lost focus of the reason we were here in the first place. We were already here longer than we needed to be. I needed to get back to the others.

"Hey. You comin' or what?" Daryl asked.

I shook my head and looked at him.

"I'm coming," I said.

I went out and passed the two of them without a word. I was gonna tell Rick that we needed to leave whether the man had woken up or not. I got to the door and right when I was about to storm in, Rick walked out.

"We're done here," he said.

"Okay. Um, we found some stuff that Judith could use. Did he wake up?" I asked.

He gestured in front of me. I looked over to my left and I saw the man, taking walkers off his traps and setting them up again.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"No. He lost his son," he said.

"Dammit," I said.

I turned around to add something else but I noticed the fresh blood stain on his shoulder.

"What happened? Did...Did he do that to you?" I asked.

I turned and was about to head over in the man's direction but Rick got a hold of my arm and stopped me.

"I handled it. He got shot at and I got stabbed. We're even I guess," he said.

"Even, would be letting me give him a wound in the same spot he gave you one," I said.

"Kari. Just leave it. He's lost a lot. I don't blame him. If I had lost Carl...I don't even think about what would happen to me," he said.

"Dad. Look what we found," Carl said just as he and Daryl had come to join us.

Rick's eyes widened.

"Judith will be able to sleep comfortably tonight thanks to you. Speaking of which we better get going. Take that to the car and come back to help me carry the guns and ammo," he said.

"He was okay in giving you his shit?" Daryl asked.

"Not all of it. But enough to defend ourselves," he said.

We quickly made our way to the car, dropped off the supplies we had and went back to the building to get the weaponry. Careful not to set off any of his traps, we were out in minutes.

"What's his name?" I asked when I met Rick outside.

"Morgan. His name is Morgan Jones," he said.

"I'm sorry he lost what he did. And I don't need to know how he lost his son. The fact that he lost him in the first place is enough," I said.

"Yeah. I'm sorry too," he said.

We were all getting ready to head toward the car when Carl called out to Morgan.

"Hey," he called.

"Carl. Let him be," Rick said.

"Morgan," he called again.

Morgan stopped what he was doing and looked up at him.

"I had to shoot you. You know that right?" he asked.

Morgan nodded.

"I'm sorry," Carl said before he turned back around.

"Hey, son," Morgan said.

We all turned to look at him.

"Don't ever be sorry," Morgan said sternly.

He went back to doing what he was and let us head to the car. As we placed the things in the trunk, what Morgan had said kept repeating over and over in my mind.

"Don't ever be sorry," he had said.

Sorry for killing people? Sorry for doing what it is that you needed to do in order to survive? There could be so many meanings behind that simple phrase that he could have meant. I couldn't figure out which one he had meant though. And I guess that's part of the reason why it stuck to me.

"Hey," Carl said, bringing me back to the now.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, kid. Let's get going," I said.

Rick placed the last of the supplies and closed the door.

"You wanna drive?" he asked, holding up the keys.

"Huh?" I asked.

I had let my mind wander again.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Just...I've got a lot of things on my mind you, know. I don't think it would be smart for me to get behind the wheel," I said.

"Fair enough. Why don't you take the passenger seat with Daryl then," he said.

"Sure," I said.

I went over to the passenger side and got myself situated. A few minutes later, everyone else made their way in and Daryl turned the ignition.

"You good?" he asked.

"Will everyone stop asking me if I'm okay or not? I'm fine. Let's just get home already," I said, sounding a little irritated.

I crossed my arms and looked out the window. I sighed.

"Carl, none of that was directed at you. I'm just... I have a lot of things on my mind. I'm sorry," I said, turning to the back seat to look at him.

"It's okay, Kari," he said.

I turned back around and looked at the window again. We started moving and before I knew it, the woods was all that could be seen on either side of the road.

'Don't ever be sorry'.

I knew that eventually, I was gonna need to figure out what that phrase meant to me. Or else it would drive me mad.