The Dearest Anonymous To You (Book 2 of Email Duology)

04

"May gusto yata sa'yo yun," biro sa akin ni Fate bago siya kumain.

Napailing ako, kung alam lang ni Fate... he's my ex and my daughter's father.

But I won't brag about it.

Mabilis lang kaming kumain ni Fate. Actually, binilisan ko talaga and while I was waiting for Fate to finish her food, para akong tanga na nagdadasal na sana tumunog yung phone ko, at ipatawag kami ni Fate dahil may emergency.

I want myself so bad to be inside the hospital again, seeing patients, doing tasks in there. I just want to become busy again. Ayoko ng ganito. Gusto kong makalimutan na nakita ko siya.

Pero possible ba yun?

"Tara na," I said to Fate nang matapos na siyang mag-retouch sa harap ko.

Nakatayo na ako at nakatalikod nang marinig ko nanaman yung boses na yun. I tried to control myself not to look back... but I did.

I saw him talking to Fate.

Hindi ko marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila. Nakatalikod sila sa'kin and they seemed to get along.

And I hate the pictures that are flashing in my mind right now.

Him and Aleesa, seeing them in a fucking hospital.

Naalala ko na sa hospital din pala balik namin ni Fate ngayon. Mukhang impossible iyong iniisip ko na makakalimot ako doon.

Agad akong lumabas ng diner. Hinintay ko na lang si Fate sa labas ng sasakyan ko. Hindi ko na yata kaya sa loob. Nahihirapan na akong huminga knowing that I'm breathing the same air with him.

Hindi na rin naman katagalan nang lumabas si Fate sa diner, naba-bother ako sa ngiti niya at kung paano siya tumingin sa akin pero wala ako sa mood para magtanong kung para saan yun.

Pagbalik namin sa hospital, we went straight to our on-call room. I tried to sleep but I only got 2 hours, hindi ako makatulog ng maayos. Ang hirap... pati sa panaginip ko ayaw na rin niya akong tantanan. Thankfully, I got distracted for a while when my pager beeped.

I immediately went to the room where I was told to go.

Three hours already passed after that emergency. Bumalik ako sa on-call room at naupo ako sa gilid ng kama ko. I wasn't in the mood to take a quick nap kaya napagdesisyunan kong buksan yung phone ko.

I sent Arren a picture of me, even the picture of Levi's Diner interiors, where her father works.

Zecky isn't a stranger to my daughter though, I always tell Arren stories about him. All the good things I knew about him before he fucked everything up yet... he's still that faceless man to Arren. Though, I know that a day would come na makikilala rin ni Arren ang tungkol sa tatay niya.

Hindi ko lang alam kung kelan.

I couldn't even show Arren a picture of him because I erased it all. I wanted to forget everything about him but I know I'm just fooling myself, I mean... just by looking at Arren? He's all I see.

Kamukhang-kamukha niya si Arren. There's no doubt na hindi siya ang tatay.

And I always tell that to Arren, that if she wanted to see her Dad, just look at her face in the mirror.

A few minutes had passed, Arren wasn't replying so I decided to go out and eat, lunchtime na rin kasi, and I need energy for later. Palabas pa lang ako ng room nang inabutan ako ni Fate ng paper bag.

"Lunch mo raw," she said.

"From whom?" I asked.

"From the diner."