Defenceless l.s

Twelve

He noticed that? Why was he looking at me? That's just creepy. I shrugged him off, "I ate when we got here" I told him.

He just nodded and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

I decided that this was the perfect time to call Liam. He had to answer. He had to. I needed to talk to him, explain everything or I would go crazy. I couldn't stand Liam being mad at me. I started phasing back and forth in the room while I waited for Liam to pick up. It rang and rang and rang forever before finally going to voicemail. I sighed and tried again, but the same thing happened. I started to feel a stinging behind my eyes but I blinked it away and kept calling him. After a while I was about to give up. I was probably bothering him with my constant calls. But then, on the last ring he picked up, and I was so happy, I didn't even know what to say. I hadn't thought that he would actually answer. Before I could get any words out I heard Laim say "stop calling me, we'll talk when you get back" and hung up. My stomach dropped and I felt a knot slowly growing in the pit.

I felt my lips start to quiver as I brought a hand up to muffle the sob that left my mouth. I quickly wiped away the tear that had escaped when I heard footsteps approaching outside the door. Soon Mr.Styles came in and grabbed his laptop on the desk before sitting down by the headboard on the bed. I was frozen on my spot, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't let Mr.Styles see me cry, couldn't humiliate myself like that. I quickly turned around and walked out the door. I closed it behind me and let the tears roll down my face. I felt them drip down on my feet and I realized I wasn't wearing any shoes but I couldn't bring myself to care. I aimlessly walked around the hotel, trying to keep my tears at bay but that wasn't going so well, people looked at me weirdly as I walked past them. But I didn't care. All I could think was 'he's going to break up with me'.

Because there was no chance he was staying with an unloyal, lying fat bitch when he could do so much better.

Why did I always have to screw things up? I thought things would finally change for the better when I got this job but it seemes like allI do lately is to fuck up. First I lost my job so we almost lost the apartment, then I couldn't even get a job without Liams help and when he did get me an interview, I was so close to fuck that up aswell. I totally embarrassed myself. I probably only got the job cause Liam knew someone there. Then I lied to Liam about talking to Chloe, who has by the way been ignoring me ever since Liam made me block her contact on my phone. Then I spilled coffee all over Mr.Styles' papers and almost had a fucking breakdown at work, and now I'm sharing a room with my boss when Liam obviously doesn't want me to. He'll never trust me again. No wonder he wants to break up. I would have left a long time ago if I was him.

I felt a new wave of tears roll down my cheeks at the thought of Liam leaving me. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. I almost went crazy when he left me for two days. I don't know how I would survive without him there to keep me together, to keep me sane. I swallowed the lump in my throat and started making my way back to our room but I realized that I probably looked like a total mess so I went down to the lobby to find the public bathrooms to quickly wash my face with cold water. I dried my face with some paper towels and made sure you couldn't see any teartracks before heading back to the room.

Mr.Styles was still on his laptop, he seemed to be working on something and I didn't want to disturb him so I quietly padded over to the little couch and wrapped the blanket tightly around myself. I pulled the hood over my head and pulled out my phone from my pocket. I thought about calling Zayn. I really wanted to talk to him right now but he probably doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I missed him so much though. He always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down or sad or was just in a bad mood for no particular reason. I thought back at the time we would snuggle up under a blanket in his living room and watch endless movies while eating icecream and talking about nothing in particular. More often than not the movies would just play in the background while me and Zayn gossiped about all kinds of stuff. I know it wasn't the most manly thing to cuddle and gossip with your best friend but we just didn't care, we did what we wanted and that was that.

Until I met Liam that is. I met him in my first year of college. I was at a lecture and we were assigned a group project. I didn't know anyone there so I turned to the boy beside me and asked to join his group. Soon after that we started dating and after a month he asked me to be his boyfriend. Everything was going well and I was so happy until Liam started pointing out how close I was with Zayn. He said it wasn't normal for two guys who were just platonic friends to cuddle together and sleep on the same bed. We had done that since we were little kids so I hadn't really put much thought into it but I realized that he was right. It wasn't normal. Especially not when you had a not-so-platonic boyfriend you did all the same things with.

I tried to explain this to Zayn but he wasn't having it. He said I should break up with him if he didn't like it. Said I should be with someone who accepted our friendship because it was a part of who I was, and he was right, it was a part of who I was. We were basically joined by the hip growing up. We did everything together, our friendship was a part of who I was. But what he didn't understand was that I couldn't do that anymore. Not when I had a boyfriend. I tried to explain to him that it would turn out the same way with everyone. No one would be fine with me being so close to another boy.

Zayn still thought that I should leave him but stopped bringing it up every chance he got and as I started to spend more time with Liam, we slowly drifted apart. Laim said that he wasn't good for me, that he was trying to split us up and therefore I should not be friends with him. But I just couldn't stop being friends with someone I've known for over a decade. I told him that and he understood, at first. But after a while when we moved in together me and Zayn started spending less and less time with each other since we no longer shared a dorm and eventually we stopped talking. I had thought about calling him many times over the past few years but Liam had always stopped me, reminding me of how he just wanted to split us up, that he was trying to sabotage our relationship. Liam said that Zayn probably had feelings for me or something and was jealous but that didn't make any sense.

I knew that he was straight, he had dated plenty of girls over the years and not once mentions being attracted to a boy. I knew he would tell me if he felt otherwise but he didn't, and I think he's in a relationship with a girl now. I'm not sure though since we haven't talked in years. Maybe they've broken up?

My thumb hovered over Zayn's contact as I contemplated calling him. I thought about what I would say. What if he had changed his number? Would he even pick up? Did he still have my number?

I thought about how Liam would react. He would be even angrier, he's been checking my phone regularly since the Chloe incident but then again, he probably doesn't care about me anymore. He's probably got this whole breakup planned til when I get home. He was just too nice to do it over the phone. I mean why else would he want to wait until I got back to talk? He was definitely breaking up with me. With that thought in mind I finally pressed the call.