Sand and Snow

Chapter 67 - The Beast Within

Catching her attention, she glanced at him briefly in her surprise as her train of thought became derailed. He seemed worried. This was her chance. Mulling over her words, she returned her glance down towards her robe-covered lap, hoping that focusing on the stitching of its blue fabric would distract her from her discomfort. "Did you... ever...?" She began, her voice low. "Never mind, it's nothing."

"What is it?"

Her heart fluttered in her chest from his pressing. Gathering her courage, she looked up to him. Meeting his curious glance for but a moment, she quickly glanced away as she felt a wave of warmth flush her cheeks. Even in simple moments, he had a way of making her vulnerable. Unknowingly, a timid smile formed on her lips.

"It's just something that was on my mind recently..." Glancing back to him, she met the gleam of his seafoam eyes across from her. "Did you ever... want to... have a family, someday?"

He froze.

Realizing his stunned expression and widened eyes, she felt a chill cross through her. She knew he would not take the question lightly – her mistake. Then she realized she was not exactly clear, jolting herself from her embarrassment as her face reddened in panic. "N-Not anytime soon!" She said. "I-I was just curious, is all. I... never thought to ask."

"I've... never gave it much thought." Gaara answered, searching for words.

Turning towards the window at his side, his ringed-eyes held a saddened tint as they calmed from his initial reaction. The question she asked was certainly unexpected – as was the prospect of someday having children. Because of death's looming shadow, shinobi were known to have married young to preserve the existence of their bloodlines. One of the many reasons why he rejected the arranged marriage put forth by the council was not just so that he could be with the woman he loved, but to avoid the council's insistence of producing an heir to the near-extinct bloodline of the Kazekage clan – Rasa's bloodline of the Magnet Release Kekkei Genkai.

But things were different now.

If he were to have children, they would not only be his – they would be hers. Briefly, he imagined a rosy-cheeked infant swaddled in a blanket, his red hair and her gentle violet eyes. The thought was also enticing to him the more he entertained it. But then he remembered that he was not the best with children.

In fact, he was scared of children.

They were fragile, unpredictable, and they were dangerously curious. He was definitely not ready to be a father. His incessant caution and protection during their numerous 'nights' together proved that fact. His biggest fear was having history repeat itself. Although he took pride in being nothing like his late father in regard to harnessing the unbridled power of Shukaku, Gaara worried that he would not be able to care for a child in the way that was to be expected. If he were to have a child with her someday, he would promise to himself to raise it with the unconditional kindness and love like that of Yashamaru, his late uncle.

But he still had his doubts.

Turning away from the window, he averted her timid glance by focusing on the tabletop, his slightly saddened turquoise eyes closed halfway in his thoughts on the subject. Having children was something he was not sure he wanted or not, but he also did not want to disappoint her. "I haven't exactly had the best upbringing, so I... can't say if I'd be cut out for it." He spoke, quietly. "Perhaps... someday." Meeting her violet eyes, he felt a tinge of nervousness creep into his throat as he uttered the words. "Were... you thinking about it?"

"Only this morning," She smiled lightly, dissipating the awkwardness of their conversation. "The thought surprised me, too."

Suddenly, she felt her lower abdomen writhe and pulse as she sat. Unfortunately, her pain-med had failed to kick in early. Grasping her stomach with her palm, she tried her best to feign the pain that radiated through her. The first day was always the worst, she remembered – and the least predictable. She could sense her canines growing in her closed jaws as the pain grew fierce and unbearable. If she could barely handle this pain, she was bewildered at the prospect of living through childbirth.