The Genteel Flower (Yutang Bulahan Series #5)

Kiara Montinola

Mental health matters... it really matters.

Taking care of our mental health is like taking care of our physical health. If we can do the over-all check up of our physical health, to see if something is wrong with our own health, why can't we do it with our mental health? Why are we so afraid of checking our own mental health? Why are we afraid to see someone who's capable of helping you understand your own mental health?

Are we afraid to be judged?

Are we afraid of the monetary fees?

Are we afraid to really talk with someone?

Are we afraid to discover what lies behind our own thinking?

Are we afraid of the circumstances?

Are we afraid to get out of our comfort zone?

Are we afraid to be labeled as something we can't accept?

What are we really afraid of?

Our own thinking? Yes, maybe. We should be afraid of our own thinking. Because we can't estimate where this thinking could lead us to. Maybe to the unknown, maybe to the place you can't easily accept of, maybe to someone you thought is good for you.

Likas na sa mga pinoy ang pagiging resilient sa lahat ng bagay. May it in calamity, challenges in life, poverties, and other problems. Sanay tayong lahat na harapin ang problema with a wide smile and a positive perception ahead of us. Sanay na sanay na tayo na sa tuwing madadaanan ng problema, iisipin na agad din itong maso-solusyonan at malulusotan.

But if you carry this burden until the end, being resilient forever and ever, it will sum up into a huge amount of burden that will soon overflow and can't be handle when time comes.

The more you smile during a problem, the more it hurts inside.

You need a catalsyt on that. You need someone to talk to with your problems. It's really fine to cry. You can cry a lot. You can cry less. You can shout. You can feel anything. Just let it out.

And that's the purpose of mental health advocates in the world. They exist to be the one you can talk to when problems come. They exist to help you. They exist to guide you. It doesn't mean na kapag nakipag-usap ka sa isang Psychologist or Psychiatrist ay automatic na may sakit ka na sa pag-iisip. There are certain tests and procedures bago mo sabihing may sakit ka sa pag-iisip. It also doesn't mean na kapag napunta na ang anak mo sa Guidance Office at pinatawag ng kanilang School's Guidance Counselor ay may kasalanan na ang anak mo. It doesn't work that way. Please, people, stop that stigma. We need to educate our minds from time to time.

Kasing importante ng mga doctor sa ating katawan ang mga Psychiatrists, Psychologists, at lahat ng mental health advocate. They exist for a particular reason. They're here for our mental health. They are here to keep our mental healthy.

Because mental health matters. We need our mind to be at ease. We need our mind to be healthy as possible.

Pero paano kung ang katulad kong mental health advocate, shock absorber ng lahat ng problema ng kaniyang mga empleyado, listener ng mga taong nasa paligid niya, ay humarap sa isang problema na hinding-hindi niya kakayanin?

Paano kung ang isang katulad ko na advocate ng anti-toxic relationship ay humarap sa isang napaka-toxic na relasyon?

Sinong aasahan ko? Sinong makikinig sa akin? Sinong sasandalan ko sa lahat ng ito?

Sarili ko lang ba? Kaya ko bang saluhin ang sarili ko gaya ng akala ng iba na por que't mental health advocate ka ay kayang-kaya mo nang ayusin ang sarili mo? Kaya ko ba? Will I prove them right? Will I prove them wrong?

Ayoko sanang mag-advance thinking but I am just thinking the worst case scenario. Pero ayoko ring masira ang pamilya ko. Ang pamilyang mayroon na lang ako ngayon.

Sana lang at negative. Sana mali. Sana hindi siya.

I felt Mama Felicity's warm palms that touched my bare shoulders. Napa-ahon ako at agad napatingin sa kaniya. She smiled at me, I immediately returned the favor.

"This is going to be fine, Kiara."

I just smiled at hindi na sumagot sa sinabi ni Mama. Hinawakan ko na lang ang kamay niyang nakapulupot sa balikat ko.

I do hope so, Ma, it's gonna be fine.

"Donya Felicity, Don Gabriel, nandito na po ang mga Barcelona."

As soon as I heard manang Inday, the mayordoma of Manor de Lizares, said that, hindi ko na tinigilan ang sarili ko sa pagtiim-bagang para magpigil ng kahit anong emosyon. I need to think straightly. Kahit para man lang sa anak ko. Para sa anak ko. Para kay Colly.

Bumukas ang pintuan ng malaking opisina ng manor at lahat ng atensiyon ay napunta agad doon, maliban na lang sa akin. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa cactus na nasa ibabaw ng center table. Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang pareho kong kamay. Kumalas na rin si Mama Felicity sa paghawak sa balikat ko.

And just like that, the comfort worn out.

Makaraan ang ilang segundo, nang maramdamang nandito na silang lahat, saka lang ako tumayo at humarap sa kanila.

I plastered a smile but I know, I can't put some plaster on my breaking heart.

This is actually nerve-wracking. This is like Tonton and Therese's DNA revelation of Hazia's true blood. Pero mas lalong nakakakaba ngayon kasi isa ako sa mga involve.

As much as I want to straighten my thinking, I know I can't. Because all I think now is the welfare of my own son.

Gusto kong tingnan si Einny, to ask support. But how can I ask support to someone who caused me to ask support?

Twelve years of marriage but I still don't know what's going on his mind now.

Isang pormal na batian ang nangyari between the two families. Maya-maya lang din ay dumating na ang clinic na siyang trusted na mangasiwa sa DNA testing na ito.

I want to be nice. I don't want to hold a grudge. I want to take it lightly. I don't want to think that it is really his.

Hinugot ko ang lahat ng lakas ng loob na mayroon ako para matingnan si Farrah. She's looking at me too.

Kaso ayoko ng tingin niya. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata ang sinseridad... ang sinseridad na naaawa siya sa akin.

Kasi alam niya kung sino. Simula pa lang, alam kong alam na niya. Pero ngayon lang siya nagsalita. Ngayon lang siya nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na aminin sa lahat.

At hindi ko alam kung anong mas mabuti... ang habangbuhay niyang itago ang katotohanan o inamin niya nang mas maaga. Hindi ko alam! Ang alam ko lang ay parehong masakit ang dalawang situwasiyon.

When I saw the representative of the clinic stood in front of both families and talked about some introduction, maybe a look back from the swab testing or I don't know, my heart start aching uncontrollably.

Gusto kong makinig pero walang pumapasok sa utak ko. Gusto kong itama ang pag-iisip ko. Gusto kong malaman ang every details. But I can't. I really can't.

"The paternal DNA result between Mr. Einstein Albert L. Lizares as the father, and Thrisiah Estrelieta Barcelona as the child... is... ninety-nine point nine, nine, nine percent positive. Mr. Lizares is the father of Thrish Barcelona."

Twelve years of marriage and this is what I got.

Twelve years...