Suppression (boyxboy)

Chapter 5- flashback

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After Sasha's football practice we were walking towards his car. I reached for his hand, but instead of taking it he pulled me in close to him and put his arm around me, placing his hand firmly on my arm. I was beyond happy. I couldn't even imagine that I was actually be Sasha's boyfriend. I don't think I would ever get over it.

I put my arm around his waist causing him to smile softly at me. Sasha smelled like sweat, but for some reason I liked it. His smell was really turning me on actually and I slowly moved my hand down to his butt(which was quite round), and squeezed it roughly. Sasha jumped and looked at me with eyes full of fire and chewed his lip.

We were at his car by now and he picked me up by the waste and put me on the hood. Quickly after he swooped in and captured me with his kiss. I was undone. Something about Sasha made me unleash my passion onto him.

Sasha grabbed my hands and put them on his back, and then placed his hands on the sides of me. I ran my hands all along his back, and inhaled his scent through my nose, it was intoxicating. As we were making out Sasha was acting frustrated I opened my eyes briefly to see his face he looked constipated and he was groping at me with his mouth his eyes clenched. I slipped down the hood forcing our hips together. He started grinding on me and I turned my head as he started to kiss my neck.

Suddenly in the heat of the moment I had a flashback of my stepdad and I screamed. I pushed Sasha off of me with a thrust of my legs causing him to collapse on the ground breathless. I began to cry and fell onto the ground. My tears splashed onto the asphalt of the parking lot. How long will I be like this? How long till I can give myself to Sasha? I was a mess.

Sasha crawled over to me and sat next to me on the ground in front of his car. "K...Kirby I'm so sorry I'm a horrible person, I can't control myself. I don't know why I can't your just so uuggghhh!" Sasha began to cry as well.

"I'm s...s...sorry Sasha. You shouldn't waste your time with me. I'm a...a...a mess I'll only hold you back." I turned away from him my tears rolling down my face.

"Shut up Kirby!" Sasha wailed.

I turned towards him shocked my tears flowing even harder now.

"I love you Kirby I could never take myself away from you. You have been my best friend as long as I can remember, and now we finally have the opportunity to have a relationship I won't let anything in the world screw that up. I love you." Sasha grabbed my hand and rubbed my knuckles with his thumb.

I lunged forward into Sasha's embrace and cried into his shoulder. "Your too kind to me Sasha, I don't know why you are, but I really appreciate it. I'm just in so much pain all the time. I can't push it out of my head. It torments me Sasha. I wish I could hold you and touch you and kiss you without cringing in fear. I'm ruined, used, worthless.

"AAAAAGGGGHH!!!!" Sasha slammed his fist into his car denting it. "I'm going to kill him. How could he do this to you! Your perfect Kirby I don't care about your past because no matter what you are perfect to me, and I don't want anyone else! You can't say that about yourself Kirby. I love you... I love you... I... I... I love y...you." Sasha pulled me in closer.

"I'm so sorry Sasha please forgive me." I clenched onto Sasha's football jersey.

"Kirby you don't have to apologize for anything, you have done nothing wrong. You need to know that I would never hurt you, and that I am here to protect you and keep you safe. You are safe when you are with me Kirby. I want you to feel safe with me. I want my touch to make you feel safe." Sasha put his head on my head.