what it means to be good.

chapter 15 : Morganas peculiar state part III

Authors note: Triggerwarning for late in the chapter

Blode and gore. don't like don't read

Merlin looks up and the blazing sun raining its beautiful colors down upon him and exploding into the rich forests. Merlin can't even fathom how big this place is as a smile forms on his pale face. He feels at home, how weirdly that sounds but he truly feels like he belongs here. Hi smagic is resonating with the magic all around him. He is currenty standing on a balcony with his arms on the handrails leaning forward and enjoying the breeze that ruffles his already messy hair. Merlins mood swiftly darkens thinking back,After the king explained to Merlin and Mordred that Morgana is living her deepest desires some that even Morgana herself isn't aware of, He wondered what kind of life she is living. " deepest desires,huh" Merlin mumbles to himself. Propably someting like her being the queen and everyone else dead. Or her killing every person she hates one after the other, or even worse, torturing them and have a sick twisted pleasure on top of that. Or propably and most, no least likely one. She is reliving the moment he could have confided in her, instead of poisoning her looking for another way. He still remembers when he told her these exact same words."it'snot too late Morgana, we can find another way" he stammers with a desperate yet confident voice. She looks back at him , her emerald eyes wide open." there is no other way"she replies with just as much desperation .Merlin lets a long and very tired sigh, his daily routine of thinking of all the what ifs and how different he could have done many matters. But what's done is done, he learned it the hard way that there is nothing he can do about to worry, all he can do now is look forward and take everything head on. He hears steps coming from behind him but doesn't move and jus tkeeps staring into nothingness.The king himself walks up to him from behind and stands beside him admiring his kingdom."truly a sight to behold, isn't it" he says proudful. Merlin just nods and takes it all in. " Do you truly wish to save Morgana Pendragon?" He asks outof the blue. Merlin can blink a few times before looking at him. He wants to answer immediately with no second thought, but after a second thought, does he really? If he lets her stay like this then camelot would be safe and he can finally focus on him restoring magic to albion. " i don't know" merlin answers honestly "all i can think of is how it would benefit camelot, but if i do help her will she see reason and we could call a truce." after merlin utters those lost words he started to laugh outloud. The king raises one eyebrow in confusion nevertheless in genuine interest too. " i ams orry but it's just that the actual thought of Morgana calling fora truce, the mere thought of it happening made me laugh. It would have been better to just let her die but i....i just can't. In fact..." he isn't sure if he should tell him thtat but heck he is a thousand or so year old king, wiser then even Gaius and he not so much younger. H epropably can help him make sense of everything. " actually i am the one who is a part responsible for what she became." Merlin confesses out loud to someone. Never did he have the courage to tell someone except to Mordred but that was because he was emotional and feeling he had to defense himself after getting attacked by his accusations. Merlin looks down in shame and eyes the patterns on the handrails. " look at me" the king finally answers back in a commanding voice. Merlin slowly looks up at him. Their eyes meet ,his majesty has to compose himself by the very old and tired look Merlin is giving. This young man has been through so much, he made mistakes and felt a great loss. Lost friends, family, lovers and made many sacrifices. He wouldn't wish this burden to be carried by anyone. "sometimes we do the wrong things for good reasons" he continues. "you did what you had to do , youg otta let go of the past that ties you down." he conveys. Merlin not convinced looks back at the far wides of the kingdom. " i reckon you heard about our history and how we came to be the lost forest"he states not expecting an answer."my sister got betrayed by the one she loves most ,he was just an oridnary human blinded by greed. Why do you think we didn't or rather i take revenge on him?"he asks know seriously. Merlin thinks for a good moment and answers " you didn't want to stoop to his level, not like i did.". "good guess but no. I wanted to make him pay for what he did. believe me i did. But i had a whole kingdom to take care of now. Much like you i had to get rid of him to be able to live freely in the outside world. But i chose to run away and live in hiding from the outside world. My reasons were simple, the survival of my home and its people" the king responds." yours were the same i pressume, i have also learned to not dwell on it. There is a saying young warlock, Yesterday is history. Tormorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that is why it is called the present." He finishes. Merlin looks back athim and smiles . He is right,Merlin just needs to live in the present. with a soft bow" thank you your majesty." " call me eridin" He says smiling back. " "thank you....eredin"Merlin corrects. " follow me i have to show you something" eridinsuddenly orders. " if you wish to save Morgana, i can only show youthe way but not the cure." He adds with a smile. Typical, Merlin thinks for a second but the answer is already clear to both so he just nods at him and suitly walks after him.