Endure and Survive (Sequel to How We Live Now)

Chapter 5

"I'm not there anymore," I told myself.

I wasn't back at Woodbury and there was no way in hell that I'd ever go back. But the guilt of knowing what kind of person the Governor was and then not being able to warn the innocent people that were there kept eating away at me. I could always sneak back and tell a few people but being as I wasn't there long, I doubt anyone would believe me. Either way, the guilt was still there. Hopefully with time, that would go away. I knew better than anyone that dwelling on things that couldn't be controlled wasn't a good thing. I did that after my parents died. I understood things were different back then but dwelling too much on the past, that wasn't safe. You had to live in the now more than ever before. Every day wasn't a sure thing. Especially now. A clang against a rail caused me to jump and look up. Rick was in the guard tower closet to the cell block. I cleared my throat and made my way over.

When I got there, I opened the door and made my way upstairs. I opened the door at the top of the stairs as quietly as I could. I didn't want to risk catching Rick off guard while he was holding a gun. He was sitting down with his feet dangling off the side. I went over and did the same. I rested my arms on one of the rails and looked out into the field. We remained silent for what seemed like hours until he finally sighed.

"I don't know what's happening to me," he said.

I looked over at him.

"It's Lori, isn't it? That's who you see?" I asked.

He then looked over at me.

"How'd you know?" he asked.

"It's not all that hard to figure out, Rick. You just lost her. You're in disbelief. I mean, I'm having a hard time grasping it and I just got here," I said.

"It feels...it feels as if she's trying to tell me something. I just don't know what it is and I guess...I guess that's what had me so on edge...has me so on edge," he said.

"Did the two of you have things that went unsaid?" I asked.

He sighed heavily.

"A million things. I was so horrible to her. I didn't get the chance to tell her how much I loved her. Even after everything...I loved her," he said.

I placed my hand on his back and rubbed it, trying my best to comfort him.

"I'm sure she knew, Rick," I said.

"I don't think she did," he said.

"You shouldn't do that. It'll kill you. I don't think I ever told you that I lost my parents when I was fourteen," I said removing my hand from his back and starting to fidget with my fingers.

Again he looked at me but this time with a look of confusion.

"I thought Hershel was your father," he said.

I chuckled lightly.

"After all this time, yeah I guess he technically is, right?" I said.

"What happened?" he asked.

I sighed. I hadn't told this story in a long time. The story I told Daryl was just a brief summarization. But Rick needed the detailed explanation. Otherwise, he'd never get closure. I took in a deep breath and let it go.

"I've actually never talked about this since it happened," I said.

"If this is too hard for you, then you don't have to," he said.

"No. No it'll be good for me. It's okay. Trust me," I said.

He simply nodded.

"I can't remember what it was that we had argued about. I was at that age where I thought that everything was the end of the world. More than likely it was something stupid. But what I do remember, was saying how much I hated them. I was overdramatic back then. I was so annoying. Anyway, I stormed out of my house and told them that I was running away. The sun was barely starting to set. I ran until I reached the park that was across town and I just stayed there. After a few hours, they left a voicemail at Hershel's place. They figured I'd eventually end up there and I knew that. Which was why I went to the park in the first place. Then it started to rain. I hid in a slide until it had died down. It was coming down hard so it took a couple of hours for it to finally turn into a light drizzle. That's when I decided to head back home. When I did, there was two police cars parked in my driveway, their lights flashing against my garage door," I had begun.

I had started to shed some tears and stopped briefly to wipe them away.

"At first I was afraid to head over. I thought my folks had called the cops to help look for me. But then I had realized that I was overreacting and so I headed over. 'Do you live here, miss?' one of the officers had asked me when he caught sight of me. I nodded and he went on to tell me what had happened. My mom and dad went out to look for me once it had started raining. They didn't...they didn't want me out there. They didn't want to risk me catching a cold. The rain made it hard for them to see and so, my dad wasn't able to see the curve at the end of the road. Their car flipped three times before it was stopped by a tree. At least, that's what the report said. They both died instantly. It was quick. Neither of them suffered. Neither of them saw it coming. It was all unexpected. All because they wanted to bring me home. All because we had that stupid argument...I never got to tell them how much they meant to me," I said.

I went quiet and I knew that Rick understood why. It had been a long time since I had stopped to think about all of that. I needed a few minutes to gather up everything that I was feeling at the moment and I was so grateful to Rick for giving me the time I needed.