Beginners Guide to Being Safe

Consent.

Good evening all my lovely kinky readers. Now, the last topic we covered was trusting, now here is one of the reasons why you need to be able to trust your partners: Consent!

Now, when it comes to the actions of the community, any true member (most typically the dominant, or in the switches case the one currently in control) knows that the most important thing is consent in it's entirety (unless you're doing CNC but we will get to that in another chapter!).

Now, there is a big problem when it comes to people not being educated on one of the core foundations of the community. If you ever hear something where they talk about

"Oh, well they consented in the beginning" or

"Well they didn't say no sooo..."

Or, God forbid, even this one

"You've submitted to me, I already have your consent/ you don't need a safe word"

Please for the love of everything that I hold dear on this earth RUN. I cannot tell you enough, if your partner is not constantly looking for your consent as the scene or whatever you kinky fellows are doing, then they are either severely uneducated or toxically abusing the dynamic to their advantage.

Consent is not what I like to call a "birthday present." When you give someone a birthday present, it will always be theirs, no matter what happens to your relationship with said person. Many fake or uneducated individuals see consent like this, they have been given the big "I consent" when initially submitting, but never asks for it again.

Rather than this "birthday present," when I discuss consent, to give it some humor let's reference this to being the wether apps on our phones.

Wether we want to or not, the wether app sends out little updates CONSTANTLY! This app doesn't just give you a 7-day forecast and stop for the week, it gives daily updates on what is happening. Any time there is a slight change in the wether, boom we have an update. This is the level of communication and consent that we need to have in the community.

Now now now, I know you guys are probably thinking that constantly asking or having to give consent is going to be a mood killer, but no one said it had to be non-sexual. For example, imagine you have your submissive tied up, but you want to have their consent. You could tease them by making them spell out what they want you to do to them, you could make them beg for it (and don't force begging). Conversation and communication is key, and consent must be given at every point.

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Here is where I might not make everyone happy, but it makes everyone safe. To all my lovely readers, I do get data sent to me about my readers, for example, the divides of age and designated location. This being said, I have realized that I have some underage readers.

When it comes to age, I am sorry my dears, but the world has agreed that it is impossible for someone underage to consent. Legally you are not able to give your own consent, which means that whoever you are wanting to do things with does not have your own consent. The age of consent may vary from state to state, so the community goes along the lines of you must be +18

This is one of the biggest factors when it comes to spotting a fake and abusive dominant. When individuals say to an underage person that "age is just a number," and sure that is true.
ONLY ONCE YOU PASS THE AGE OF CONSENT.

We don't say this to hurt you or make you feel excluded, we just care about you too much to allow you to be taken advantage of.

Learning about it, privately and in the purpose of soley being educated is one thing, diving into the community underage is a completely different and dangerous path

Be Safe, Be Smart, and Be Sexy
Love you always,
Lizzie