NUT DA NUTTAH - Boreo (OLD)

Chapter 43~ WorkDays.

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*VENT CHAPTER, THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT LONELINESS PLEASE DO NOT CRITICIZE OR MAKE FUN OF THIS CHAPTER, THIS IS A VENT.

*SUICIDAL THOUGHTS MENTION

Wow, day two of staying at home and dying of boredom while my lover is at work. I would go outside but I'm not risking getting run over by a bus or a car.
It's a routine.
Bed by 8:00 pm, wake up at 7 Am.
Make sure we don't look like literal zombies, get everything organized, Straighten Boris's tie with a kiss on the cheek. He leaves.
And I slowly, and painfully die on the bed.
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Honestly being Deaf all day, everyday is terrible.
I don't have any friends other than Boris because hardly anyone is fluent in ASL.
Some days I honestly wish I was dead. Because all the days honestly feel the same. Like I'm stuck in some time loop. But a depressing one.
Whenever Boris is gone for work, or he's out going to get something, I lay in bed and cry, not even having music to comfort me.
It feels as if everything is in black and white. My pillow can't hold anymore tears.
I'm surprised Boris doesn't notice how red and puffy my eyes are. I honestly don't want to be put back into therapy. Because it honestly has no effect on me.  I don't want to tell Boris either because I don't want to put any weights on him, he's already been through enough. I can just wait it out, it'll go away, Right?
My mind is scary, filled with yelling souls telling me to hurt myself, to watch the blood pour down my arms from cutting.
Whenever I text someone about my problems they always ignore me or just respond with a simple 'okay.'
Other people bring me down and tear me up with embarrassment. Like a gunshot through the head. I lay in bed just watching the clock tick, those seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days. Hoping I can find happiness.
Never happens.
I hate people now a days. I could set my phone down and never get a text in a million years. People just hate me. Never want to talk to me. I'm always the one texting first while my head screams "THEY DONT LIKE YOU!" "KILL YOURSELF! THEY WONT CARE!" "CUT UP YOUR ARMS, YOU DESERVE IT."
I grab onto my head, wanting to scream and cry. But knowing I have to keep quiet. Slowly being pushed closer and closer to taking action.
Not wanting to live, being a crying mess. I could run away and just let everyone forget about my existence. I wish I could run away with Boris to a place where everyone is kind and loving and not ignoring and hateful towards me. But now, I'll just sit inside my bubble and not tell anyone. Time goes by so fast. I'll make it to death before anyone knows it.

Don't take this as a suicide note just yet.
This is Theo Decker, Signing off.

((Sorry about using Theo to vent...
He's one of the characters I use to vent because I feel the same way as Theo.
This is a vent, which means I literally just put mental problems onto a character. Sorry once again. What have i turned into 😂))