Trials and Tribulations - [Bensler EO]

Part Nine - Eva

Those old cases, they were leading her down the yellow brick road, forcing her to finally answer the questions she had been asking herself for ages.

She feels so far away from herself. It was a feeling she was becoming all too familiar with. 

Her fist was back, knocking on another door. An address forever ingrained into her mind. The doorstep where she saw one of the most disappointing cases come to fruition. She had more important people to make aware of her condition, but this time, she had walked with less of a barrier stopping her. 

It was the first time something felt somewhat right in almost two weeks. 

She waited for a moment, feeling an eternity filling the void of silence until the sound of light footsteps picked up from the other side of the door. 

She felt horrible for doing this; for rehashing the past. But if she were going to do something for herself for once, this was where to start. She was where to start.. 

"Detective... Benson?" a quiet and somewhat shocked voice asked as the door opened. Eva Sintzel, one of the most gut-wrenching victims that Olivia had ever connected to. She hadn't seen her since the cryotank had been returned, devastatingly empty. She'd watch the last bits of color drain from the woman's face as she wordlessly delivered the news. 

The case crossed her mind from time to time, even more so when she couldn't stop thinking about how badly she longed to start a family. All of those people, losing one last shot at everything they've ever wanted. But Eva had always stuck with her mentally. A woman who had been through hell and back. Married to the job and got so caught up in it until the diagnosis of cancer had brought it all to a halt. A round of IVF to freeze her eggs before chemo would destroy the possibility of ever having biological children. All for nothing. 

She'd be lying if she said she hadn't had a nightmare or two about it. 

"Hi, Eva." Olivia gulped, looking away from the woman in front of her, whose eyes were as wide as saucers from confusion. Maybe she hadn't thought it through. Maybe it felt right because everything else in her life felt so wrong. Things she recognized as a comfort were now painful. Places to escape to were becoming places to escape from. If this was a mistake, she really fucking stepped in it. 

"Olivia, it's uh... it's nice to see you. Are you alright?" the softness of the British tone warmed Olivia's skin, and so did the lack of conviction the same voice had once held. 

No. 

No, she wasn't okay. 

Not really. 

She was living in a breach of ethics. Standing on the doorstep of a prior victim of a case she had handled for personal reasons? IAB would have a field day with her if word got out. But somewhere deep within her, a switch had been flicked. She couldn't have cared, even if she tried. She loved her career, but she had finally reached a point where a desire outweighed the job. A point that would be a no-brainer to others, but one in every handful of cops would understand.