Conditional - {Kylo Ren X Reader}

Chapter 16

Hey guys, sorry I updated late just with all this corona stuff it's hard to find the time and motivation but I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it!

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It had been days since the destruction of Starkiller Base and you had learnt as much as you could about your new "home". It was called 'Supremacy', it served as a flagship of Supreme Leader Snoke and the mobile headquarters of the First Order. Its artillery and size were unmatched. There was something cold and spine chilling about this ship, you weren't sure whether it was the ship itself or its inhabitants. As far as you knew Snoke was aboard, you rolled your eyes as you thought about him. A man with such power that never showed his face, but the entire galaxy feared him and his fascist army. Despite your circumstances and what had previously happened, you yearned for Kylo's presence, for those little moments of care he showed. You hadn't heard anything about him or his condition, you weren't even sure he had survived. But there was something inside you that you were sure would have alerted you otherwise. You didn't bother to ask about him either because you knew the answer would be all the same, "quiet trash," it seemed to be the usual vocabulary of the First Order troops.

Your current cell was much smaller than your previous ones, something about it made it feel much more isolated. You had spent the last few days reminiscing on everything that had happened since your first contact with the First Order. Since your first contact with Kylo, and what a roller-coaster ride it had been, the highs and lows. You still had hope. But you guess that was the Resistance rubbing off on you, where would you be without them. You sat with your legs crossed on the cool floor of the cell. You rarely did it, but at times it helped you greatly to calm and think straight, something you had learnt from Leia. You took in a deep breath and shut your eyes as you envisioned somewhere far away, a planet like Naboo where the lakes were gorgeous and the landscape just as impeccable. Where you could be free and run through the fields with the wind flowing through your hair, the smell of the sweet grass in your nose, your senses would be in awe.

"Why Naboo?" you heard a familiar voice ask. Your head snapped up to make sure you weren't imagining things, and there he was in all his glory standing at the entrance to the cell. His mask as emotionless as ever as it watched you.

"You are alive," you replied as you raised yourself from the floor

"So it seems,"

"Not going to thank me? You know I could have just left you like you left me," a bluntness to your voice

"You could, but you didn't," he entered nearing closer to you, but you stood your ground

"What happened to you in the forest?"

"That's no concern of yours,"

"Yes, it is, Kylo,"

"No it isn't, you are a prisoner and I am the apprentice of the Supreme leader nothing more, nothing less,"

"But you almost died, how am I not suppose to be worried about that!" He stepped closer now, shortening the distance between you both, your cheeks flushed as your thoughts wandered off. All you wanted to do right now was for him to embrace you, to be in his arms. 

"You left me," you said trying to look into his mask. But he stayed silent watching you while your body filled with rage in front of him.

"Fucking say something, Kylo!" you said stomping your foot on the ground. What sounded like laughter came from his mask.

"Still that spite in you,"

Your body began to shake as your jaw locked, you took a step closer, his chest only inches away from your face. The warmth protruding from him distracting you for a split second, and without a thought you wrapped your arms around his torso, placing your ear on his chest. His heart was racing against your ear, thumping against his chest, you waited for him to push you away but he was frozen in place. You hated yourself for how much you needed him, how much you begged for his presence let alone his touch. He was so warm and you instantly felt comfort in embracing him, his chest rose and fell slowly and your heart fluttered. You felt the warm wet feeling of your tears on your face as you began to sob into his shirt, you squeezed him spilling your tears.

"Stop," he said. But you couldn't, it was like everything built up after all this time was being let free every emotion that you had felt, everything you had seen. You only sobbed harder, clutching at his shirt little whimpers coming from your mouth. You felt him pull away as he stepped back from you he was watching you so closely under his mask you felt vulnerable.

"Kylo, please, take off your mask," you begged, wiping your tears on your sleeves

"Why should I?" he asked

"Because I want to see you,"

"You are seeing me,"

"No, the real you," you sniffled, you saw his chest rise and fall and then his hands raised to his mask, the familiar click and squeal of its locks loosening and he lowered his head taking off the mask and looking back at you.

Your hands flew to your mouth in horror, an unforgiving gash was across the right side of his face, reaching from his collarbone to upon his eyebrow, even though it was healing with a bacta plaster it wasn't something you were expecting. His eyes were bruised and he looked scarred, not just on the outside but on the inside too, the fire that ignited his every being looking dimmer by the second. He stayed silent watching you, analysing your reaction.

"Are you okay? What happened t-" but before you could finish he raced towards you dropping his mask as he grabs your face in his hands and presses his lips aggressively against yours. His kiss was so desperate to have you, you were shocked, stuck in place by the sudden affection pulsing through you. You kissed him back with the same desperation you opened your mouth and felt Kylo do the same, shoving his tongue into your mouth and your tongues intertwined battling for domination. You moaned into his mouth and he kissed you harder, his hands still on your face and then skimming down your back and landing on your waist. You closed your eyes memorising every crevice, every curve of his lips, memorising this moment. Until he pulled away, his sad eyes waiting for your reaction, you only starred back stunned by his affectionate action. 

"Please tell me what happened in the forest Kylo, I want to understand, I want to help,"

"No one can help me," he stated and you shook your head reaching for him, but he pulled away.

"Let me,"

"No," he said, but his eyes stayed on the floor

"Please," you begged but he wouldn't budge from his stubbornness state.

"There are things that you wouldn't understand in play," he said looking back at you now 

"Then help me understand. Its the least you can do after you left me to die, Kylo" 

But he stayed silent, surveying you and he looked you up and down before he swallowed and took a step back. "I don't owe you anything," he picks his mask back up, placing on his head again. "You won't be terminated,"

"Well that's better than nothing, will you be back to see me?" you questioned, hoping he would be 

"I'm not sure," he said turning away and walked to the exit before he stopped, turning his head to the side, "Behave," and his familiar stomping became fainter by the second as he left. You shook your heard and covered your mouth with your hands, screaming into them trying to get all the frustration out and you had never felt more human.