Garden of Wounds (Panacea Series #1)

Chapter 2

It hurt me a lot when we broke up, maybe because of the reason that I've loved him and I was attached. Siguro, dahil din sa idea na siya na 'yong gusto kong makasama habang-buhay.

But he's a big toxic, a big jerk, and a big asshole. Myself deserves a better man and he's not the better man. Ayaw kong makapag-asawa ng isang kagaya niyang malaki ang ulo, feeling pogi, at tamad. I was just so stupid for giving him a chance over and over again and making myself believe na magbabago pa siya. I was so stupid for not letting go, e, dapat nga sa kagaya niyang lalaki, pinupugutan ng ulo.

"I agree. Kapag kasi healthy 'yong relationship, nakaka-inspire mabuhay, 'no? Nakaka-motivate mag-aral!" she giggled. "Pero sa naranasan mo, parang ayaw ko nang magkaroon ng boyfriend. Sa 'yo pa nga lang, ang hirap na, paano pa kaya kung naranasan ko na?"

"I am not here to talk about my experience," I said bitterly.

I always ask myself; bakit kapag toxic ang isang tao, mas'yado nating minamahal? Bakit 'yong mga hindi karapat-dapat mahalin, sila pa 'yong minamahal natin nang buong-puso?

They are the reasons why we are miserable and they don't give a damn about it. Wala silang konsensya. Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung paano sila nakakatulog nang mahimbing sa gabi knowing na may isang taong miserable dahil sa kanila.

Early morning, I got ready for my tests and quizzes. I got used to this kind of routine. Kaunti lang lagi ang tulog ko dahil parang kasalanan pa kapag nakaidlip ako. I'll blame myself every minute if I'll nap because time will be complicated if that happens.

And my parents, especially Mama, have big expectations of me. Because Ate Elaine is doing good in medicine. She's a fourth-year med student, an achiever ever since, and never in her entire life that she has disappointed our parents. We're not that close but we're casual. And Mama wants me to be like her, but I can't, because I'm not as smart as her.

"Mama," I called Mama upon seeing her in the kitchen, cooking for our breakfast, when I get water for myself.

"O, you're leaving already?" she asked gracefully.

"Opo, Ma," I answered politely.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa aking mga libro upang ihanda ang aking sarili sa mga paratang na naman niya. Bawat umaga, bawat alis ko, lagi-lagi niyang ipapaalala sa akin na hinding-hindi ko kayang lamangan si Ate. Ikukumpara niya ako at ipapamukha niya sa akin kung gaano siya kadismaya sa akin, kung bakit hindi na lang ako maging kagaya ni Ate na magaling sa lahat ng larangan.

Sinusubukan ko naman.

Sinusubukan ko namang matuto pero bakit hindi nila makita na magkaiba kaming dalawa? Na kung dito, nag-e-excel doon si Ate, bakit hindi nila tanggapin na sa ibang bagay ako magaling? Why do parents love to compare us to others? Whereas factually speaking, we are rare in many different ways.

"No, take a seat first. Nandito 'yong kaibigan ng Ate mo, you know, the one that she's talking about? The heir of all Arevallo's Hospitals. I heard he's genius, a responsible man, and a man with principles," she smiled widely, a smile that could reach her eyes.

"Po? But I have tests, Mama."

"And?" she raised her brow. "Isang beses lang 'to, Elvi. This is a good chance for you. You can ask an advice from him kung gusto mo mag-proceed sa med school pagkatapos mong g-um-raduate. He's also a med student."