Captivated (The Maze Runner - Newt)

Forty two - Newt

"Let him!" Minho shouts, "She hurt him the most out of all of us!"

I fight my way to the front of the crowd. Several people grab the back of my shirt, stopping me from collapsing on the ground completely.

Auburn hair.

Like fire, it cascades out in the wind.

Soft curls fall down and frame her pale face. Blue eyes shine so brightly they could burn up at any moment. Why isn't she crying? She should be crying. She broke me.

Please don't look at me. Don't do this to me.

Her eyes meet mine, and more hands struggle forward to keep me up. I want to call out her name, but I can't do anything. Blaise seizes me, pulling me up and hissing in my ear.

"Think about it, Newt. Think very carefully. Did you ever really love her?"

He grabs my hair and forces me to look at her as Alby drags her in front of us all.

I find myself shaking my head.

"No." I croak, my lungs on fire, "I never loved her."

God, why can't it be true?

"Good that." Blaise spits, "You're gonna love this next part then."

He continues to hold me up, keeping my head in place so that I am forced to watch it all. Every part of me becomes paralyzed as Lily is pulled to a stop.

Alby speaks, but the words are so foreign to me that I can't compute them. I can only look at her. And she looks back at me.

And I want to kill myself because I don't want her to go. Not now.

She should die. Everything would be better if she was dead.

Would it?

I wish I was mad, I wish I didn't understand what was going on. Maybe I'm mad already.

I hate her.

"Any final requests?"

That was what Alby said.

Lily walks forward, and I can't breathe. My skin burns unbearably. She's coming towards me.

Everyone goes silent.

Lily's eyes are the only thing I can see, and they are right before my own. I want to hurt her, do anything to make her go through what I am right now. But I can't.

Blaise throws me forward, causing me to collide with her body. I fall to the ground on my knees, but she drops down with me. I keep my eyes low and my back hunched. I can't look at her. She makes me sick.

Gently, she places a hand under my chin and gradually forces my head up. Why is she tormenting me like this? Why does she have to make everything harder?

She leans in close, her lips touching my ear.

"You can hate me if you want, Newt." She whispers, her voice sending electric shock waves down my spine, "Hate me as much as I hate myself. I just want you to know something before I go..."

I want so badly to tell her to stop, but I don't know how to speak anymore. I can only feel the twisting agony of her words burn holes in my remaining sanity.

"I love you. More than I've ever loved anything in this world." Her breath tingled my ear lobes, and I find it impossible to believe a single word that passes her lips. If she loved me, why couldn't she control it? Why didn't she tell me she was working for WICKED?

"And...I am so sorry for all of this. Everything. I'm sorry for ever coming back into your life." Her breath is sweet like honey, and it's driving me insane. More tears begin to spiral down my cheeks.

Lily pulls away.

She places her hands on my chest and presses her lips to mine.

Fire courses through me, incinerating my numbness and making everything flood back into my system at once. It is the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced, exploding inside me like petrol bombs.

Everything I feel, I am feeling for her.

For Lily.

Her hands slide up and down over my heaving chest. My fingers travel down her spine and grab her frail waist, pulling her as close to my body as possible. God, don't let her leave me now. Please, no.

But she is pulled from my grasp.

Minho lifts me this time, his arms around my chest, dragging me backwards.

"Don't let her do it, Newt. Don't let her break through again." He growls, gritting his teeth. "Say it."

"I hate her." I whisper.

And for the first time, I mean it.

I hate her because she's leaving me like this.

And suddenly I am watching her climb. She pulls herself up using the thick vines of ivy on the maze walls. Just like I did.

Minho's arms constrict me so much I can't breathe. I can't look away.

She climbs higher and higher, until she is half way up. So high I want to climb up after her and grab her hand.

Don't let go, Lily. Don't you dare let go.

I watch, my eyes wide, bloodshot and agonized. She turns, facing outwards and allowing the strong winds to whip through her auburn locks. She speaks, the words falling from her mouth like shooting stars.

"Newt..."

She is talking to me.

Our gazes collide like electricity.

"Newt...just...imagine the sea." She struggles out, her words sounding strangled and thick with tears. "Remember?" she urges, wanting so badly for me to respond. I can only stare up at her in a state of paralyzed horror. A sad smile plays out upon her lips.

"Millions of tiny sequins..."

I dragged the air shakily back into my lungs.

"Don't do this." I breathed, closing my eyes tightly.

God, I hate her.

When I opened my eyes next, she was gone.

It was as if she had never been here at all.