Here's To Us [Shourtney]

2. I'm a woman of many talents.

"Yeah, these are just rings after all," I add, looking at him with a grin, even though for me they weren't just rings.

After breakfast, we were set out to do some shoots. Can't let some celebrations go without some shoots, because we were going to leave by tomorrow evening. I had to say that I wasn't feeling very well, and Shayne said that he had to take a massive dump (which is very believable of him) so that we could contact a lawyer from LA to schedule a meeting.

"Nice save earlier!" I exclaim as Shayne and I enter our hotel room. "Heirloom, huh? I would have done that if the Millers even had any heirlooms."

"First thing that popped off the top of my head," he remarks as I plop on top of our bed. "But I'm sure it's gonna be tough planning every move, so we gotta think ahead."

"And we need a lawyer too," I add. "I know acting's literally what we do for a living, but I can't believe it'll save our asses now. We gotta toughen up our impromptu skills, so we need a good law liar."

"I have a buddy on The Goldbergs who knows a divorce lawyer," he says, reading from his phone. "Atty. George Lopez, apparently. One of the best in LA, managing Brad Pitt's divorces and all that."

"Shayne, we're not as rich as Brad Pitt," I tell him, sitting beside him.

"Yeah, but hey, maybe he'll lower his fees?" he replies, grinning awkwardly as he dials the phone number and puts it on speakerphone. "Let's just give it a shot."

I sigh as the phone rings. "Okay, but if this guy's fees are higher than my rent, it's a big no-no, okay?"

"Atty. Georgie Lopez here!" A man exclaims upon picking up before laughing. "Wait, wait, we're about to try our new tagline. Would you mind listening to it? Ehem... Atty. George Lopez, for your elope-z and divorces... Ha! That's it. What do you think, caller?"

"Uh, spectacular...?" Shayne mumbles in confusion.

"Kinda catchy actually," I say, taking the phone from Shayne's hand. "I like the elope-z and divorces rhyme. Good one, attorney."

"Thanks, thanks!" he replies. "Anyway, my secretary's on her day off today, because it's a Sunday, yes, so I'm answering all the calls. No appointments today though, just scheduling and all that. So hi."

"Heeeeey," Shayne and I chorus.

"Wait a second, I know that voice...," he mumbles before gasping loudly. "Is that Matt Bradley?! Oh, I have a friend who knows you. Did he, by chance, recommend you to me?"

"Yep, it's Shayne Topp actually, and yeah, Carlos did," Shayne answers, smiling.

"Fantastic!" he exclaims. "Now, what can I do for Mr. Shayne Topp and the lady with the lovely voice beside him today? Ooh, planning to elope? I have many plans here that are just the right amount of money and also the right amount of---"

"Actually, we need to get a divorce," I reply. "Courtney Miller, by the way. Shayne and I, uh, accidentally got married here in Las Vegas last night, and we looked up the LA laws on divorce."

He's silent for a moment before saying, "You do know drunk marriages are illegal?"

Shayne sighs. "We didn't look intoxicated by the time we got married. We actually have a lot of pictures on our phones of it happening, you'll believe us."

"Oh, do send," he tells us, and I send it to his number. "Oh... yes, that is true, you do look like normal elopers. Actors these days, just too good at their jobs. I mean, you're not even red!"

"Yup," I say.

"Anyway, since you guys need a divorce and it looks like you desperately need it, because you haven't even been married for 24 hours," he continues. "Okay, Georgie, serious mode. Brad's going to get mad at you if you don't do your job right, and it's not even Pitt. It's Matt Bradley. Erhem, anyway! You will need to remain married for six more months, and when six months kick in, we'll start the divorce process, which also takes six months. LA's an easy place for a divorce, but the process is a little longer than other states.