"I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna move out soon." I looked up to see their astonished faces. "I should've mentioned it sooner." And you are partially right about one thing.
"Are you sure that... you wanna live on your own?"
"I mean, I practically won't be alone since I know you all like to visit often."
Bella finally let go and placed a kiss in my forehead. "You should stay with Dani and I. I can't take it at your parents' house either."
"Yeah, it isn't good to have just yourself in an entire house. Even with Dani, you can be with your kids." Cubb interjected.
I furrowed my brows, I forgot about them for a while.
"Why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling your best today?" I mean, Granted, you should have known "you could have stayed home."
I just shrugged in response before hearing frustrated sighs.
"I don't want to talk about this topic. I just want to go home and sleep. I'm tired of all of this. I shouldn't even be here." I muttered, holding my head in my hands.
"Don't talk like that-"
SHORT TW MENTION OF SUICIDAL WANTS
"No. Just fucking no. I wanted to fucking die, ok! I don't like it here. Everyone thinks I'm fine but if you didn't have control of your thoughts for a year you'd know how I feel! I've been awful. That was my one fucking free ticket out of this hellhole. I didn't want to be rescued. I felt guilt slipping out of consciousness but I don't care now. Succeeding at it would've meant I don't have to feel everyone's pity and hear the pity thoughts about me! I can't eat! I bring it right back up. How the FUCK am I going to survive?! A feeding tube can't do the job and a facility can't either! Just fucking let me be if you ever find me unconscious again!" I yelled, not realized I was crying.
TW ENDED
I could hear the silence and feel the tension in the room. I didn't realize how hard I was sobbing until someone carefully wrapped me in their embrace. Minutes passed and we were still in the same position. A nurse walked in and just paused. At this point, I remembered there were microphones in hospital rooms sometimes. I hope they didn't pick up on what I'd said. If so, I won't get out of this hell hole part 2.
"I'm sorry... I couldn't help to overhear what you said about eating. I'm gonna have to give that information to doctor."
"Fucking great, now they're gonna gimme pills for appetite or some shit." I laid down feeling disappointed and angry. There was just a rush of emotions that I had to contain, especially by keeping my eyes closed. Added on to that, I kept feeling these certain urges towards my mother.
Awfully familiar, might I add.
"Z." Bella drew my attention to herself. "Be. Calm. They're just gonna run some tests on you, then you'll be discharged in a few hours." She gave a cautious glare.
I forced myself to nod my head as I lay back down on the hospital bed. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to sleep before I had more devious thoughts.
—x—
"I wanna type in the address to where we should go." Bella leaned over to Cubb.
Moments later she was inputting an address in the GPS and we started on the journey.
The ride was unbearable for multiple reasons. One was that I couldn't identify where we were going or how father we would have to go. I know that it's not a place of malicious intent. The second was that I couldn't communicate with Bella the entire time. It was like there was a mental barrier that she'd put up between us. So, I really wouldn't know where we were heading to. The third was that my cousins saw my dick and knew I was NOT born with that. But they decided to keep their mouth shut for many reasons that I'm glad for.
A couple of minutes passed before I was able to familiarise myself with the road we were about to enter. A few more minutes, and sure enough we were in Dani's driveway, with her standing on the porch with one of the twins. I heavily but slowly sighed as the car rolled to a stop beside Dani's car.
"Y'all loaded or what?! This is a nice place!" Cubb exclaimed as he turned off the engine, earning a giggle from Bella.
"I don't feel like being here... I can smell the rosemary without even being at the door," I muttered.
"Zen, you shouldn't worry. What we're here for is only going to benefit you. I'm not gonna have you get listed as a bad guy again." She muttered the last piece at an Almost inaudible volume.
Everyone got up and out of the car promptly. Meanwhile, I was there in the backseat for nearly five more minutes; pondering, sulking a bit, plotting and nearly having a lapse in consciousness. The last one surely got me to get out of the car. Every time I got those, I got nauseous.
I went inside where all the others were and stood in silence before moving into the kitchen to get a glass of water or something to drink.
"When you're done with that come with me,"
I won't even refuse to, at this point. Dani can drown me in an all-herb tea and I'll just allow it to happen. just take me out of my turmoil.
I just stared at the half-empty glass of water before pouring it out and leaving it in the sink. I followed her scent to find her in whatever room she went into and upon opening the door, I realized that this was the room I was practically exorcized in. Further entering, I saw Storm sitting on a couch near the middle of the room and Dani relighting some incense. I see what they're doing.
"It's preferred that you're grounded, so please sit on the carpet and sit up straight between Storm's legs," Dani instructed.
Becoming too tired by the second to refuse anything, I did that and felt Storm touch my hair.
"I'm just gonna clear your hair out." I could hear the smile in her voice.
I kept my mouth shut as I felt the brush running through my hair, then her fingers. Her fingers caused a calming sensation to spread through my body. The more she did it, the calmer I felt. Any hostility that had begun from the hospital, was stubbornly subsiding. I closed my eyes slowly and focused on the feeling of being massaged. I think Dani was even starting to smudge me with sage and whatever other herbs I was smelling. It would have been somewhat suffocating if I weren't drifting off to sleep.
"What are you doing?" I slurred in an exhale.
"Go to sleep. it's gonna be done before you know it." storm calmly urged.
Just as I was piecing together what they were doing I had begun to peacefully zone out of consciousness. If only my thoughts weren't so conflicting.
word count: 1882
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
A twist In My life *completed* March 24 2021*sniffle*
Paranormal"You know, to think about all I just said. I'll reiterate some stuff. In the beginning, I wanted help. But there was none. There were glares on me that made me feel disgusted. There was a sudden interest that wasn't there before. There was my- or sh...
Chapter 50
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