my protector

•12•

I sit down on the toilet seat and Zion looks through the drawers behind the door. I keep my eyes on the ground and my hands begin to shake.

I'm so nervous right now. All I want to do is kiss him and touch him, but he won't let me. He won't take that risk. I know he won't.

God, I miss him so much.

He comes over to me and kneels down in front of me. He takes my hands and I watch his every move. He takes rubbing alcohol and dabs it on some cotton balls. He then applies it to my hand and I wince back in pain. That hurt like a bitch.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"It's okay," I whisper.

He continues cleaning my hands up and I just watch him, "You know I never meant to hurt you, right?"

"I know," I say quietly, "I just wish it didn't have to be this way."

He sighs and then looks up at me. I stare into his beautiful eyes and it's driving me insane, "I miss you," he whispers.

"I miss you too."

He looks back down at my hands and starts to put some bandages on the cuts. I must have really fucked her up good.

"Can you promise me something?"

"That depends," I say.

"Promise me you'll start eating," he says. "I hate seeing you like this. I hate knowing that I did this to you."

"I'll start eating," I say.

He closes his eyes and whispers, "And please stop cutting." He touches over my cuts and I close my eyes. I kinda forgot about the cuts being here. I usually cover them up.

"Well then promise me something," I say.

"It depends," he says opening his eyes and looking at me.

"Start sleeping at night."

"I could say the same to you," he says, "I know you haven't slept in forever."

"Neither have you," I say. "But the other thing I want you to promise me is to stop going out at night looking for him."

He sighs and throws the bandages away in the small trash can next to us, "You know I can't promise you that."

"Well then I can't promise you to stop cutting," I say blankly.

"Caitlyn," he says. "I'm literally just trying to protect you by going out. You are actually hurting yourself."

"I can't help it," I say. "It helps me."

He rolls his eyes and stands up, "No, it doesn't help you. You like to think it does because it takes all the pain away from your brain for just a spilt second. It doesn't fucking help though."

"Well I'm sorry that my life is so fucked up, Caleb," I yell.

He closes his eyes again, "Say that again."

"What?"

"Say my name again."

"Caleb," I say softly. He smiles and opens his eyes. He then leans down and places his soft lips onto mine. I kiss him back and I smile lightly.

We both pull away and he runs his hand over my cheek, "Please stop cutting. This will be over soon. I'm going to get him and we can be together again."

I nod my head slightly, "I love you, Caleb."

"I love you even more, my love."

***