The Lunacy Fringe

Seventy-Four

I was ridiculously nervous about what I was going to do next. I knew I had to do it, but my stomach was still twisted in knots. I rang the doorbell and then waited impatiently on the front steps. The sun was already hot even though it was still so early in the year, and I shifted from foot to foot until the door opened. My stepdad looked out at me.

"Hey, Ruby," he said. "Come on in." He moved aside to let me into the freezing cold foyer. Crystal's house was always spotless. At least on the bottom floor. Quinn and Jade took care of the upper floor. And toddlers and teenage boys weren't the best housekeepers. I sometimes wondered what our house would look like if Crystal and my dad stayed together and she never married Steve the Neat Freak. Probably fewer band posters and more green things.

"Quinn's still asleep if you want to go bother him," he said, stepping back into the living room. I twisted my fingers nervously.

"Oh. Actually, I was hoping I could talk to Crystal—Mom."

"Sure. She's down the hall watching TV in bed."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be rude or anything."

"You're fine." He waved me toward the hall. So I snuck down to their bedroom and knocked. Then I poked my head in to see if I could come in. She was sitting in bed watching TV and enjoying her day off.

"Hi, honey. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just wondering if we could talk." I stepped inside and shut the door firmly behind me.

"Of course. Come join me." She patted the bed next to her, so I climbed in. She wrapped her arm around me and stroked my hair as we watched the morning news. "What did you want to talk about?" I shifted nervously.

"It's kind of—embarrassing. I just—I don't really know who else I can talk to about it."

"Sure. What's the matter?"

"Mom, uh...." I sat up so I could look her in the eye. She seemed momentarily startled that I actually called her "Mom." I usually just avoided addressing her directly at all. "It's about um—Felix." I tested her reaction. Obviously, it was a weird subject, and she had to understand the direction I was headed. At least partially. She watched me curiously. I was pretty sure she was psyching herself up for what I was about to say.

"What about him?" I plopped back down on her pillows and focused on the TV so I didn't have to look at her when I said it.

"I just wanted to know—if you could—maybe help me get on birth control." She went silent. Her hands stopped stroking my hair. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. Should have kept it to myself. I was eighteen. I could make my own appointments. I just wasn't sure how to go about it without it getting back to my parents or how I'd even get my prescription filled if Crystal worked at the pharmacy we used. Talking to her about it seemed like the best course of action.

"Are you thinking about becoming intimate with Felix?" she finally asked.

"I...." I hesitated and shifted again uncomfortably.

"You already are." Stated as a fact. I nodded. And after a moment, she let go of a sigh. "Well, I'm glad you told me."

I looked up again, wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut. The condoms had worked for us so far. As far as I knew. We were both being safe. I just wanted that extra safety net. I'd seen firsthand just how teen pregnancy could snowball out of control. I loved Felix. But I didn't want us to end up like this years later. Kids raised separately. Married to other people. We had dreams and futures that would be infinitely more difficult to achieve if we brought children into the world while we were still so young.

"You are?"

"Well—I'd much rather you come to me for help than go without it. And I know your dad wouldn't be very supportive. I'm glad you want to be safe."

"You won't tell my dad, will you?"

"Oh no. It would give him a heart attack." I laughed.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you." Her eyebrows rose. I had her same wide brown eyes. My dad's eyes were sharply blue, and neither of his kids inherited them.

"Disappointed? Honey, I was your age when I got pregnant with you and Quinn. I think it would be pretty hypocritical of me if I was disappointed."

"You don't—wish that you'd done things differently, do you?"

"Of course not. I have regrets, but you aren't one of them. That still doesn't mean I think you and Felix are ready for it." I shook my head quickly.

"God, no," I admitted.

Just the idea of having a baby sent a shiver of pure terror down my spine. I barely even knew how they worked. Jade was a toddler, and sometimes I was afraid of holding her just in case she wiggled too much, and I dropped her. I couldn't imagine having something even smaller and more fragile. Not to mention the diapers and screaming. I loved Felix, yes. But I wasn't ready to lock myself to him for the next eighteen years. Maybe after I got my life figured out, after college, and whatever came next, if Felix was still around, we could give it a shot. But that was a long way off.

"I'm proud of you," Crystal said with a squeeze of my arm.

"You are?"

"I'm glad you're taking action. Obviously, I can't just give it to you, but I have friends at the clinic. We can set you up with an appointment."

"That works."

"They'll have to do an exam, and it won't be fun, but it's necessary, and you'll have to get used to it." I nodded quickly.

"What kind of exam?"

"A very invasive one." I shuddered again and turned back to the TV. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Do you love him?" she asked after a moment.

"Very much," I admitted.

"Then that's all that matters."

"Is it weird for you?" I asked, glancing at her again. "Since I'm your daughter, and you've known Felix since he was a kid?" She looked torn about how to answer.

"It's definitely not a pleasant conversation," she admitted. "But I love you, and I've always loved Felix like my own son. I watched him grow up. I'm glad that you guys make each other happy. At the end of the day, that's the most important thing. And you're both smart. You proved that today." I nodded and tucked myself back in at her side.

A few days later, Crystal took me to work with her to drop me off at the clinic next door. I spent part of my day watching her shell out drugs while I read magazines. And then I walked around the plaza for a bit, checking out the hair salons and corner marts.

When it was time for my appointment, she walked me to the clinic to introduce me to her friend. I was eighteen and didn't want her there for the exam, but she apparently already knew that. She chatted with her nurse friend while I headed back to get violated. I left later with a bag of condoms and a prescription. Both of which I hastily shoved into my purse the moment they were in my hands.

Crystal was measuring out a prescription when I got back to the pharmacy. She looked up and smiled when the door dinged. My face was still hot from embarrassment. I would have walked home if it wasn't such a significant distance.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

"I feel like my doctor should at least buy me dinner." She laughed.

"Did you get what you need?" I quickly handed over the paper.

"Sorry about this."

"Don't be. I'm glad you came to me."

"Me too."

"I don't know about dinner, but there's a great sandwich shop just up the road if you want to go grab us lunch. The walk will help you clear your head. Then I can take you home after."

"Alright. Sounds good."

She took the paper and went to get my prescription going while I headed up the street to find the sandwich shop. I felt much better when I returned. When I got home later, I shoved the pills and condoms so far into my underwear drawer that no one would find them if they weren't already digging around.