The Lunacy Fringe

Ninety-Four

We spent most of the day locked up in the house. We went out for a few hours to get food, take a walk along the beach, and then we came back. We mostly just wanted to take advantage of being alone. It wasn't entirely about sex, either. Just the freedom of lounging around together, talking and laughing, and having fun when we wouldn't be interrupted, or disturbed, or expected elsewhere.

We returned home reluctantly. Neither of our parents ever asked where we'd been, though I had a pretty good feeling they knew precisely what we'd been up to. We were just adults now, fresh out of high school, and it was probably just easier to let us do what we wanted than to risk a possible fight. Or at least I knew my dad was afraid getting angry would drive me into a shotgun wedding.

It wasn't until mid-July that we finally got the news we'd been waiting for. Felix, Billie, and Quinn were all at my house. We were in the backyard trying to cool off by having a water war. We had to do a couple's thing to keep it equal because Billie was (no offense) a terrible partner to have. Quinn more than made up for her lack of enthusiasm with his freakishly long arms.

My dad opened the screen door and watched us affectionately for a moment as we screamed and hurled water balloons and sopping wet sponges at each other.

"Hey, kids," he finally said to get our attention. "Can we talk for a second?"

"Yeah, sure," Quinn replied. But then he turned and tossed a balloon at me. It bounced off my chest without bursting, so I snatched it before it could fall. Then SMACK, right onto the side of his head, sending water exploding all over him. "Oh, that's it." He leaned into a fighting stance. So I shrieked and ran into the house before he could get me.

I headed upstairs to get a towel before meeting everyone back in the living room. We were all wrapped in towels now, dripping water onto the floor. But Quinn was on the phone, and Felix was looking at his feet.

"C'mon, Ruby," Billie said, ushering me back toward the stairs.

"What's going on?"

"Band business."

My heart dropped. I couldn't say anything and couldn't look at any of them. I just turned for the stairs and headed up, Billie following after me. I shut the door of my room behind us, and then I sat down on my bed, not even bothering to find dry clothes. I rested my head on my knees.

"Hey," Billie said, plopping down on my chair. "This is a good thing, right? They deserve it. They've worked so hard, and they're so talented. None of us want to see it go to waste."

"It's not that," I told her.

"Is it—are you—jealous?" I looked up. Glared more like it.

"No. It's not that either. I got a free scholarship out of the deal, so I can't really be jealous."

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." I dropped my head again.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?" I took a deep breath.

"If they go away—back to LA or somewhere else—it's going to be over. It'll be just like last time."

"Why do you think that?"

"I know it. I can feel it. He knows it too."

"Things are different now. He loves you too much." I shook my head.

"It's the way he talks, Bill. Like he knows this is just temporary. It's never been forever for him. No matter how much he loves me now. And he'll call maybe once or twice. But then he'll just stop. Just like last time. And it'll hurt more because I've given him so much more." She took a deep breath and sighed. I could hear them talking downstairs but couldn't make out what they were saying with the door shut. The window was open, and the fan was on, blasting hot air into the room.

"I think you're wrong," she said. But I didn't believe that.

"We'll see."

"C'mon. Let's just get dressed."

I got up and went into my closet to find something to wear. I settled on my favorite pair of jeans and a shirt Felix got me from one of the bands he played a gig with. When I came out, Billie was already dressed. I went to my dresser to brush out my hair.

"What about Quinn? Do you think he'll call?" she asked. She sounded worried.

"Of course, he will. He's always been good at calling. He called us both once a week last summer even though the phone bills must have been insane." She nodded.

"Yeah, it's just—I don't know. Do you think we're all moving too fast?" I shrugged and turned back to the mirror above my dresser.

"If anyone's going to make it, it'll be you and Quinn." I set my brush down beside the penguin snow globe. Billie was silent for a moment as she watched me through the mirror.

"You're not going to cry, are you?" she asked. I shook my head.

"No. I'm okay. I've been expecting it for a long time."

We hung our towels up to dry and then tried to find something to do to pass the time. I could tell Billie wanted to go downstairs and talk to the guys. We could hear the rest of them arriving. Their voices carried up the stairs, but we kept the fan on to drown them out. Billie didn't ask to join. I think she knew I was avoiding it. But eventually, when we were both busy with menial tasks, I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs. She looked up when there was a knock and then got up to get it. She let Felix into the room, shut the door, and left us alone. I stood slowly.

"So?" I said. He nodded.

"Tonight," he said.

"What's happening tonight?"

"We'll be meeting in person. To um...."

"Sign the paperwork?" He nodded, and I looked down at the floor again. "That's good. I'm happy for you."

"You don't sound happy." I twisted my fingers.

"I just—I know what this means."

"What do you think it means?"

"I think it means you're gonna go away, and I won't see or hear from you again." He studied me for a moment, eyebrows furrowed.

"You know that's not true."

"Isn't it?"

"Ruby—I don't know what's going to happen yet. We can't make decisions based on assumptions." I nodded slowly. My heart ached. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to hate myself for being so dramatic. But I just wanted to get it over with. I didn't want him to pretend there was hope.

"When are you leaving?" I finally asked, holding back tears.

"Next week. The studio is in LA. We won't be far." But far enough that he wouldn't call. That the drive would be too long to take regularly enough for it to matter.

"Okay," I decided.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that—I think—we shouldn't drag it on longer than we need to." He took a step forward.

"What exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying that maybe we should break up."

"Why?"

"Because—it's obvious that it's leading in that direction."

"Again—making a decision based on an assumption."

"I know you, Felix." He looked away again, obviously hurt.

"Apparently, not as well as I thought you did." Then he turned quickly for the door. "Thanks for ruining what should have been one of the best days of my life." He left and shut the door roughly behind him.