This Thing Upon Me [Order The eBook] [Harry Styles]

Chapter 14 (Re-post)

"So then he was under the impression you were done with him too?"

"Sure." I grinned with a shrug. "Exactly. So I couldn't be too pissed, right? I was equally at fault...for what happened after. For uz not speaking for so long."

"So...you were both being stubborn dicks...?"

"Of course." I grinned. "And it just went on for weeks. I think neither of uz wanted to be the first to call at that point. Our pride or whatever got in the way." I laughed, remembering how dumb we were. "We're so much alike. He hated me for not answering after he left, and I hated him for leaving in the first place and not continuing to reach out even while I was pissed. Mate, it's ridiculous."

"So what'd you do?"

"I sent the email...in like August of 2015, I think? But he ignored it, of course, and I think that's when I decided it was time to let go and move on, y'know?" I winced. "Well, apparently he did too. He's happy, and I didn't want to be the one who gave him grief for doing what he always wanted to do...no matter how much it hurt uz all as a collective...the band. Then he started chatting sh-t in some interviews about the music or whatever, but it was nothing we hadn't heard before he left."

"Can't blame 'em, if I'm being honest. It wasn't close to what he was into, if the new single is any indication. What is it? Pillowtalk?"

"Yeah...he's different now."

"So what do you plan to talk about when you guys meet? How weird he is now?" He chuckled. I lifted my hat and fixed my hair again, having asked myself the same question since I got the message a few hours ago. Also, I didn't think he was weird. Just different. A good different.

**********

Tucked away at my stepdad's bungalow in late 2011, he and I had discovered something tentative and reckless. The day we entered into what some would call 'true intimacy', was the day my life and sexuality was altered beyond repair.

We were starved for each other's touch, exposing every bit of ourselves, inside and out. Hidden parts that had been locked away for ages, dying for light, for recognition, for exploration. Both of us longing to be loved without restraint. Without inhibition. To be touched without fear. From there, I refused to let go, and soon that hidden thing came out of me and became me (the adult Harry). Now the person I was before Zayn was dead.

To my dismay, I discovered he was quite good at alternating between both versions of himself (the old him and the new him who'd fooled around with me), which left me feeling alienated most days—constantly confronted with the realization that he didn't need me as much as I needed him. He didn't allow what we had to consume him like it consumed me, and that was humiliating.

Starting in Fall 2011, it all changed. That was the week that set us apart from the other boys as having a unique 'bond', even more than the one I shared with Louis at the time. Of course, many assumed that Louis and I's friendship was something more than what they saw on screen, but they were always invariably wrong.