This Thing Upon Me [Order The eBook] [Harry Styles]

Chapter 15

Lips are turning blue...a kiss that can't renew

I only dream of you, my beautiful

Tiptoe to your room...a starlight in the gloom

I only dream of you, and you never knew...

Muse | Sing For Absolution

Muse's, "Sing for Absolution" had been the soundtrack to me falling. That was the year my life began. The year I was born, or the year I was awakened. Twenty-eleven. Two, Zero, One, One. I could still feel the lyrics as potently as when I listened to them every night before falling asleep. That and "Sweet Disposition"—hence the stupid lyrics tattooed across my inner arm—fading into oblivion, but enshrined on the memory of us.

Back then, it had been like a movie. The classic: "chance encounter meets unexpected affection meets angst meets sweeping, cinematic tunes that made you feel like you were in a classic rom-com". "Dirty Dancing", "Love Actually", "Pretty Woman", "The Notebook"—you name it.

Most days leading up to the week at the bungalow, he was just another mate. Funny, stupid, but surprisingly intellectual for how silly he was sometimes. He was hands down the smartest among us, which meant sometimes his humor was more elevated and understated. And to top it all off, he was a master at accents, leaving us all in stitches whenever he sprung them on us.

Though mostly what I noticed about him was how introverted he was. I never understood what it meant to be an introverted person until I met him. Before, I had been under the impression that introverted people simply lacked personality, but I was wrong. I quickly discovered introverted people simply withheld a lot about themselves until they were around people they trusted, so it became my mission to always be that person for him.

Unlike the others, he would eventually need a moment alone to recharge. Sometimes he fell into pensive silences that made him seem twice his age. Only then did I realize how good he was at pretending. I knew he was quiet from the X-factor days, but seeing him switch on and off for the boys and fitting into whatever mood we were in, was fascinating to say the least.

Despite being shy and reluctant to speak-up in interviews, he was the most naturally well-spoken among us. His vocabulary was huge, but he often condescended whenever speaking with us in depth about one subject or another. Honestly, I didn't know whether to be impressed or offended, but it made me want to read more to keep up with him.

Over time I learned the hard way that he was not fond of being studied. Sometimes he would leave a room because I or the others would stare at him whenever he became moody. Sulky, was more like it. I could never tell what he was thinking from one minute to the next. He liked to put his headphones on a lot and zone out, and this angered me because I took it to mean he thought he was above us; but over time I was proven wrong. He just needed that solitude to feel balanced.

Then there were the things that made him feel exactly our age. Like his phobias and vulnerabilities which helped to remind me he was human. Right away we learned he didn't know how to swim, so we looked after him whenever we used the pool. Sometimes we tried to teach him, but he was always too paranoid in the water to let us get close. He kept to the shallow end and had his fun there.

"Really, mate?" Lou had asked, after Zayn first told us during a video diary in early 2011. "Didn't they bloody teach you that in P.E.?!" Z looked offended, insisting they did, but that he couldn't catch on.

"What about when you drink it?" Lou asked.

"I'm not scared of drinking water..." he scoffed. "I'm just scared of like...loads of water—"