Suddenly, There was Kai

Chapter 18

I stood nervously at the window staring out at nothing; the muffled noise from the TV occasionally calling my thoughts back to the present; currently, it was the five o'clock news short, something about a rainstorm coming the weekend.

I wasn't sure how long I had stood there gazing down at the passing traffic and people. Truth be told, I have been in a kind of daze all day, so much so, that I decided to dismiss myself early from work. My anxiety was starting to get the better of me and I didn't want anyone to see me like that again.

Several times it occurred to me to take Greg's advice and cancel this evening's plans, but every time I picked up the phone, I couldn't bring myself to tap on the "Call" button, or press the "Send" button for the text message. I had just sat there typing, deleting, retyping, hesitating and deleting over and over again. I finally gave up and have been at this window ever since. I have heard my phone buzzing occasionally, no one but Greg I am sure. If I bothered to look at my phone there would be several messages questioning my sanity.

"I just can't say no to you."

Why is that? Why can't I say it? It is an easy enough word that I already say at least 20 times a day, so why can't I say it to him? What power does he have over me that would make me want to do whatever he asks? I haven't a clue. It isn't even like we dated or anything, just business lunches and dinners and a few events here and there. The forever forbidden image came to mind of us standing in an empty hallway outside of my hotel room, the memory just as vivid as it has ever been like it happened yesterday. I can't blame that instance though; I was smitten way before that. Besides, didn't he tell me that it essentially didn't mean anything? Perhaps that is why it hurts.

My phone rung suddenly and I started to ignore it, but thought better of it. I leave the window to stand over my bed. It's Kai. I stare at the phone calculating the amount of time I have left before it goes to voicemail and briefly contemplate letting it go to voicemail. At least it would be easier to talk to a recording of him, that way I would be able to avoid digging this hole I am in any deeper.

I chicken out of coarse and answer the phone with two seconds to spare.

"Gabe?" I hear, as I am unable to say anything after answering. In truth it has only been two and a half days since I have heard his voice, but it could have been a year for all I knew. I suddenly felt very calm, my knees turning to jelly like they always do, but with relief this time. It was as if all the tension in my body suddenly went away leaving this peaceful, serene feeling. "Gabe are you there?"

I sank down onto the bed exhaling as I did so. "Yes, I am here. Hello, Kai."

"Are you ok? You don't sound well. You aren't sick are you?"

"No. No, I am all right, just a little tired." I say melting on the inside just a bit from the concern that colored his tone.

"Sorry to hear that. Do you still want to come out with me? If you don't, I would understand." His voice trailed off a little like he didn't really mean that last statement.

No. Say no!"Yes, of coarse I am." Chicken.I roll my eyes at myself falling back onto the pillow behind me.

"Wonderful! Saves me the trouble of having to tell Garren why I arrived alone." He laughed.

I couldn't help but to giggle also. "So is that the only reason you are concerned?" I ask still laughing.

"Well we may be old friends, but that doesn't mean I am not scared of his tantrums." He says matter-of-factly.

"And here I was thinking you were actually concerned about me. Oh well. Yes, Mr. Shin, I will be able to accompany you. Do not worry your pretty little head."