WHY

part 21 - every word that I write

"Shawn are you there?" He had forgotten about Andrew. "Did you see the paps?"

"It was too late," he said in a flat voice. "Andrew, I have something to tell you."

"What are we going to do?" Camila was pacing, wringing her hands in distress. How had they found her? All these years of being so careful and in just a few days Shawn had distracted her enough for this to happen!

"Andrew's talking to the PR people."

Camila turned on him furiously.

"Our daughter is not fodder for the PR machine! You and I need to decide what to do about it Shawn, not them."

"You've obviously thought about it over the years, how you'd handle it. What were your thoughts?"

She flopped onto the edge of the bed and shrugged. "I could never decide. If I could have worked out a way to do it cleanly, I would already have done it."

He sat beside her. "How long do you think before it hits the internet?"

She snorted. "It probably already has."

"Our phones would be going crazy, so I don't think it has yet. I think whoever he is trying to sell it to will try to verify it first, to avoid any lawsuits."

She looked at him with interest. "What are you thinking?"

"You know what I say..."

"Offence is the best defence?"

"We should get in first, make an announcement."

"What, on Instagram or something?" It seemed tacky somehow.

Shawn stroked his chin as he thought. "I have another idea."

"I've never been on a plane before," Lita said nervously. She was hanging onto Camila's hand so tight it would probably leave a mark. Shawn preferred to fly commercial but under the circumstances he had lashed out for a private flight. He picked the little girl up, she felt like nothing at all in his arms, but she was warm and snuggled in tight, with complete trust.

"It's so fun," he said to her. "What's your favourite movie?"

"Tangled," she said. Of course it is, he smiled, turning to Camila. He took her hand and they boarded the aircraft together. Lita held each of their hands as they took off then stared out the window in awe as the world dropped away beneath them.

"Look at the clouds," she breathed. "They're so FLUFFY!"

Shawn exchanged a look with Camila and felt his heart miss a beat. They were parents. They were a family. Every now and then he realised it and it hit him like a sledgehammer.

"They look like marshmallow," she said in wonder. "Or cotton candy!"

She licked her lips and Shawn smiled inwardly.

"You want some marshmallows?" He had noticed a bowl of them on the counter at the back of the plane.

"REALLY?" Her eyes were as big as saucers. He brought the bowl back and placed it in front of her, then put Tangled on the screen. He moved to the opposite seat, beside Camila, and held her hand. They watched their daughter as she popped the marshmallows slowly into her mouth, totally enthralled by the movie, for about fifteen minutes until, with a marshmallow half way to her mouth, she fell asleep. They snuggled her down with a blanket then sat back together, Camila with her head on his shoulder, their fingers intertwined. No matter what happened between them, they would always be connected through this little human.

"Thank you," he said softly to her.

She looked up at him with a frown.

"For what?"

"For her." He said, bending to kiss her softly on the lips.

"Thank you," she said, after kissing him back.

"What for?"

"For taking it better than I could ever have imagined. You are a special person, Shawn Mendes, she is lucky to have you."

"And you? Are you lucky to have me?"

Her eyes twinkled with sensual mischief. "Do I have you?"

"Do you want me?"

She slid an arm across his waist, under his shirt, scratching him lightly with her nails, never breaking eye contact.

"What do you think?"

"I'm thinking I've just realised a flaw in bringing her with us," he said, kissing her again.

She chuckled underneath his lips. He pulled back eventually and sighed.

"Are you nervous about tonight?"

"Fuck yes, aren't you?"

"I may just PUKE," he said, imitating Lita's childish tone.

"Oh, gross!" Camila did the same.

"Are you still OK with the plan?"

She nodded. Offence is the best defence.

Shawn walked over to the seat opposite Jimmy to rousing applause. They exchanged greetings and discussed the upcoming album then went to a break after Jimmy announced Shawn would be singing next. Jimmy leaned forward.

"You sure about this dude?" He showed genuine concern.

"Yep," Shawn said, nodding. Inside a voice was screaming "What the heck are you doing?"

He made his way to the side stage and sat at the piano. When the lights came back up and Jimmy introduced him he played the intro and started to sing.

He had written the song on the piano in Camila's music room in the days after he had first met Lita. Sometimes she would sit next to him, staring up at him, asking questions. Sometimes Camila would sit beside him and harmonise a little. After the first verse and chorus, Camila walked out and did just that. She looked amazing in a flowing pale pink empire waisted, strapless dress, her hair out and curly, the way he loved it best. They sang the next verse, first her, then him, then the chorus together. The audience was looking at each other. The song was about young love, and having a child, and him finding her again, finding out about the child – it was completely autobiographical and the truth of it was so obvious it had the audience whispering to each other, wondering if this was real. As they sang a haunting bridge, photos of the three of them together flashed on the screen behind them, then their harmonies soared in a heart-wrenching final chorus before a soft and lilting finish, during which Lita ran out to sit with them. There was a moment's silence, then the audience went crazy. Shawn stood up and picked up Lita, hugging Camila to his side, as Jimmy joined them.

"That was....I was crying dude, seriously." Jimmy said, squeezing his shoulder. "And who is this little lady?"

"I'm Lita," she answered, before Shawn could introduce her. He chuckled.

"Hi Lita," Jimmy said. "So this is your first time on TV. Were you scared?"

"Of course not silly," she smiled up at Shawn and down at Camila. "I'm with Mama and Papa."