Breaking All the Rules

Part 7

Shawn and I's fight ends a couple of days before Thanksgiving. We take a camping trip to Yosemite to get back to good. We both decide that we need to find some healing amongst nature. I feel awful about everything and I know he's forgiven me, but the memory of it all makes me cringe and I feel stupid for letting myself fall down a cocaine rabbit hole. In the midst of nature, we re-connect physically and emotionally. He apologizes for the week we spent not talking. He apologizes for the way he reacted and most of all he apologizes for not being there for me when I needed him. I tell him that none of this was his fault. I tell him about how it felt and how my whole life since my mom died has been spent working and taking care of Sofia and trying to make ends meet anyway I can. I tell him how I missed him and how much I hated that I missed him as much as I did. He listens and he's quiet when I finish. "I love you..." he says and his lips meet mine. The tears fall and I breathe easy in his arms. We make love,underneath the stars and when the sun rises, it's a new day and we're okay.

When we get home on Monday from our camping trip, we make a trip to the store because in all the madness we realize we don't have a turkey or literally anything for Thanksgiving. We get home a little bit before Sofia does and I'm happy to see her. Shawn and I both agree not to tell her about my cocaine vacation. I can't handle one more person being disappointed in me. 

Sofia later that night tells me that I look like I've lost weight. I tell her I had was recovering stomach flu the past week and I've been vomiting everything. It's not a lie but it's also not the truth. I really was vomiting and I barely ate in the weeks Shawn was gone. "You sure you're not trying to lose weight for like, some photo shoot or something?" she pushes again and I assure her I'm okay.

Shawn tells me later that Sofia is concerned about me and the next day during meals I make a show of eating everything on my plate. It helps that I'm actually hungry and Sofia seems to be more at ease. 

Shawn's little sister is graduating high school in June of next year and she tells Shawn she's applied to Berkeley and that she'll be out in the area a couple days before Christmas. Sofia and I offer to give her a tour. When Aaliyah's flight lands, she's not alone. Shawn's parents are with her and this is unexpected. Shawn is able to give me a warning text before he comes home and I make sure I'm wearing the right amount of clothes.

Shawns parents are very cold and very cordial. Aaliyah is the complete opposite and she lights up when she sees me. She pulls me in for a hug and I smile because she tells me she follows me on instagram. I see the look on Shawn's face and she does not look pleased.  They stay for dinner and it's brutal. I'm on my best behavior but I feel Shawn's mom's eyes scanning me and it's as if she's trying to look through me. They ask me what I do and I reluctantly tell them I'm a model. It's probably the first time I've ever really owned that. His parents look unimpressed. I tell them my modeling gig is temporary because I'm planning on applying to medical school. Shawn squeezes my hand underneath the table. Shawn's dad raises his eyebrows and grunts. "MM." I can see the resemblance in Shawn, from both his parents. Shawn's eyes are kind. I've always loved how in the right light, I can see flecks of gold in them. I can tell Shawn's mom's eyes are also hazel, but they're dull and cold. Shawn's mom mentions that she saw Denise at the store with her baby. Shawn says nothing but I can tell that he can tell his mom is fishing. For what, I have no idea.

Shawn's parents let us know that Aaliyah will be staying with us through the New Year and she'll be flying back to Illinois on the 2nd. Shawn leaves to drive his parents to the airport and Aaliyah opts to stay home with me and we get to know each other. She asks so many questions about modeling and who I've met and she asks how Shawn and I met. I tell her we met through a mutual friend. "You're really pretty," she says and I blush because she's so sweet. She tells me that she's so grateful to be staying here. When Shawn gets home she tells them how their parents have been fighting. They don't even sleep in the same bed. "You know they should get divorced but they won't. After your divorce they can't handle any more gossip..." she says sadly and Shawn sighs. Shawn had explained to me previously how his divorce with Denise was a huge deal in their circle of family and friends. Apparently Shawn's mom couldn't show her face at the country club for weeks when news spread that Shawn and Denise had gotten divorced. Denise's mom got it worse-- as her pregnancy by another man made her appear to be a cheating whore. In my head, I kind of think she is a cheating whore, but I don't say so.