P. A. I. N

1.

Note : stories will be all over the place.

I never realized one relationship can f*ck you up in so many different ways to were you can't stop assuming or you can't really take down that wall you got built up. I promise you I am not the same I feel like I became even more toxic . Sometimes I sit it think was it my fault dude lied to me a lot. I never really sat and question "was I good enough" NEVER . I feel like as a female we was ourselfs that and we not even be the problem half the time. I asked for one simple thing and it didn't happened dude constantly lied,but the other dude I'm liking I'm giving him hell... because I have a guard up. I want him close not to close so I say things to push him away but then like I want him close ... it's not like I don't love myself or see my worth. It's the fact anybody I love I push away. 

Being hurt and not really healing is horrible. Not only because you don't know the next persons intentions, but your used to failed relationships. Dad left and won't give you an answer and  always make it seem like it's the family your with now that "made" him leave. When I reality he didn't really wanna fight to be with you. You get used to lies because when you got brought up one family member wasn't telling the truth. About why I am really in this house or they put lies on somebody they didn't want you close to, but till bash them like no other behind closed doors and you have to defend them.

Moral of the story as you get older you learn stuff about your past that you thought was the truth. Jus know I love myself I jus don't like who I became within the process of dealing with bullshit ass people.