When You're Gone

Chapter One

July 19, 2011

Tears filled my eyes as I stared at the little white stick in my hands. In just a few short moments, I would discover my fate. I kept glancing down at the timer on my phone. Each second that I had to wait feels like torture. The rest of my life depended on what that little white stick would say. The person that I needed the most right now, unfortunately, was not here with me at the moment. He should be here for this. I imagine that he would be sitting behind me, silently holding me as we waited on the results of the pregnancy test. He wasn't here, though. Justin Drew Bieber was currently somewhere in the middle of Afghanistan utterly unaware of my current situation.

Justin had been gone for almost three weeks now. And he wouldn't be back for another nine months. The first couple of days that he had been gone had been total hell for me. It had felt like I was missing part of myself and I couldn't shake the fear of him not making it home to me. After a few days, it got a little better. I fell into an easy routine of going to work and coming home.

Friends and family were constantly checking on me to see how I was doing. I have suspicions that Justin asked them to take care of me while he was gone. I didn't mind though. I appreciated the company. When they were with me, the ache in my heart wasn't as bad. It was the nights alone that were the worst.

I had contributed the exhaustion and sickness that I had been lately feeling as stress. My boyfriend was currently in the middle of a war zone after all. Then it dawned on me that my period was late.

While I waited for the alarm on my phone to go off, I let my mind drift back to the last few cherished moments I had gotten to spend with him at the airport a few weeks earlier.

July 1, 2011

Justin kisses me hard and pulls my body closer to his by the waist, allowing our bodies to mold tightly together. I lock my arms around his neck and run my fingertips along the back of his head where his silky hair used to be. I wasn't a fan of his new buzz cut, to say the least. I missed being able to tangle my fingers in his golden brown locks.

A few moments later, Justin breaks apart from the kiss and presses his forehead against mine. His caramel eyes burn into mine. He tells me to listen to him. He reassures me that everything is going to be okay as he wipes away my tears with his thumbs. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to cry, that I had to be strong for him. I couldn't help it, though. I take a deep breath and bury my head into his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. I prayed that it would continue to beat in the time that he would be away from me.

Justin embraces me tightly for the last time. He felt so strong against me, so protective. His arms were the one place that I always felt safe. Even though I knew his mother was nearby, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

An intercom blares a flight number, Justin's gates would be opening at any moment. I lean up to kiss him one last time. This kiss is softer and sweeter than the one we had shared a few minutes earlier. Soon enough, the intercom blares that Justin's gate is open. He hugs me one last time before breaking away from my embrace.

"Close your eyes, princess," He tells me softly, his hand gently stroking my face. I do as he says. I feel him gently kiss my forehead.

"Be strong, baby. I'll be back before you know it." He whispers in my ear. "I love you." He tells me, kissing my cheek.

"I love you too!" I say, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks. Nobody wipes them away this time. I open my eyes, and sure enough, he is gone. I wipe away my tears with the side of my hand, but they continue to fall.

I felt a hand grab mine and looked to see Pattie standing next to me. She smiled at me warmly, but she also had tears streaming down her cheeks. I couldn't imagine how she felt right now. It hurt enough to watch my boyfriend leave, knowing there was a chance he wouldn't come back. I couldn't imagine her pain of watching her son go.

We walk back to the car in silence. We are halfway to Pattie's house before she speaks.

"You're not alone sweet girl," She tells me, reaching for my hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

I shoot her a small smile and nod.

"Thank you," I murmur.

"No problem, sweetheart," She tells me with a smile.

I feel sad for Pattie. Even though she is smiling, I know she is trying to hold herself together just as much as I am right now. She is probably the only person in the world that understands how I feel right now and vice versa. She was all I had left of Justin for the next nine months.

The alarm on my phone break me out of my thoughts. I stop the alarm and stare at the little white stick on the bathroom counter in dread. I take a deep breath and pick up the stick with trembling fingers. I squeeze my eyes shut as if I can wish the results of the test away, wish away the ache in my heart that came with Justin's absence, and wash away the fear that was currently in my chest. I finally willed myself to open my eyes, and when I did, two dark pink lines stared back at me.