It was about 10pm on a Friday night, and I was spending the night at Nicky's (yeah, I do that a lot. That's what happens when your parents work graveyards a lot, but refuse to let you sleep in your own house alone, without an adult. They are so weird). We were in her bedroom, doing homework. Doing homework with Nicky is a lot better than doing it on my own, because when I'm alone, I get so distracted so easily and I won't get it done until the last possible second. Nicky helps keep me on track. We had almost finished and had saved our math homework for last; and we were still at it an hour later. We're both really good at math, but that does not mean we like it. In fact, we both hate it with a burning passion. I don't use the word hate very often, because I was raised to believe that that's a very strong word, Nicky and I both. But we do hate math. At least we're not saying we hate a person. "Remind me why we decided to take Statics?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. Nicky had her fingers on her temples, her eyes were wide and she said "I have no idea." I could tell that her head was hurting just as bad as mine, and she felt just as out of it as I did. My brain felt like mush, and my vision was starting to go blurry. I was beating on myself for taking statistics so much, and right now, I seriously could not remember why I had even taken it in the first place. But, let me tell you, this will be the last year that I take statistics. Never again. If I had known when I took AP Psychology that I would also have to take Statistics in order to do better, I would have taken ceramics instead. "Come on, we're on the last question." Nicky said, slapping my knee. I pumped my arms, as if preparing myself. Time to hit the ground running. If I can just get done with this last question, I'll have the rest of the night to just chill. Thankfully, this one was the easiest yet; we were done in 5 minutes. I breathed a sigh of relief. I honestly wasn't sure if we would finish tonight, but we really wanted to since tomorrow was going to be a girl's day with our Mom's, and our parents don't like us doing our homework on Sunday's. We just wanted to hit the ground running and get it done and over with. Now at least we won't have to stress about it. We packed up our homework in our backpacks, put them in her closet (if we had to look at it for one more second, I'm pretty sure we'd lose our damn minds), and laid down on her bed. "God, I'm brain dead." I said. Like, I literally felt so out of it, and let me tell you, I wasn't a fan of that feeling. "You better not be too brain dead for some girl talk." I looked at her like she had lost it, because if she seriously thinks that I don't want to gossip a little, she had lost her mind. I had plenty that I needed to grill her about. But, I don't think she had anything on me. I guess we'll find out here in a few minutes, huh? Thank god, too. Our brains seriously need a break, and to do something that didn't require much thinking. "Please, of course I'm not. Come on, it's me we're talking about here." She chuckled. "Me first." I said, winking at her. She looked slightly frightened. As she should be, I mean, I am my father's daughter after all, and he's taught me a thing or two about questioning people. My interrogation skills are pretty effective, if I do say so myself. "So, I saw you talking to Luke Ryder today. What's the story there?" I continued. She sat bolt upright, suddenly beaming and smiling from ear to ear. I smiled back at her. Oh, this should be good. I had noticed that she had been acting a lot more, what's the word? Girly? Over the past few weeks. Aunt Erin says she's been caring a lot more about how she looks and spending more time in the bathroom, she's been smiling and giggling a lot more, and she blushes at any mention of dating. Nicky has a crush! "Oh, my god, Eliza. He is so hot. And everything just feels so natural with him. Like, I don't feel I have to force anything." Well, that took absolutely no coaxing whatsoever. Okay. I can't say that was completely unexpected. It's just weird because those two are polar opposites; Nicky likes to be involved in everything, stand out, be friends with everyone. Luke likes to blend in, and just be quiet. But, you know what they say; opposites attract. Those two would make a hot couple. But the thought of one of us actually having a boyfriend? That's slightly terrifying. The second that guy walks into the house, he'd be bombarded by our family; him, his friends and his family would all get the most thorough background check ever, and, to be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if someone spied on Nicky and I if we ever actually went on a date. Yes, our family is way overprotective. That can be a good thing and a bad thing, they have a history of scaring potential suitors off. Not just with Nicky and I, apparently with everyone. "So, ask him out." I told her, still lying down. I mean, come on. What's the big deal? The worst that can happen is he says no. She gave me a look like I had lost my mind. And then I remembered who our family is. Yeah, asking him out would cause a hilarious riot in our family. Is it bad that I'd like to see that happen? I mean it will eventually. "Right, my Dad would do an entire background check on him, and his family and friends and Grandpa would have you guys followed by the entire NYPD the entire night. Point taken." I commented. You guys think I kid, but I am not kidding. The only part I was exaggerating on was saying that Grandpa would have them followed by the ENTIRE NYPD. He'd only have like 3 or 4 RMP cars follow them around. I'm not even kidding. Dad told me that when Aunt Erin went on her first date, not only did Grandpa have a Patrol Car follow them to and from anywhere, but he and Dad also sat outside the restaurant they went to and sat behind them in the theater. She doesn't know that, though. So, yeah, when we go on dates, at least we know we'll have protection if needs be. You know how for some reason, sometimes when you make eye contact with someone, you just die laughing? Well, that's what happened after I made that comment. We were laughing until our stomachs hurt and every time we looked at each other again it happened again. My stomach was starting to hurt, and it got to the point where Nicky wasn't making any noise, and I was actually wheezing. We started crying. This went on for a good 10 minutes. I don't know why my comment was so funny, it just was. I do think that it has something to do with the fact that we're both getting very tired, and Reagans laugh hard at the tiniest little things when we're tired. After we were finally able to breath again, we had to wipe the tears from our eyes. My stomach hurt so bad, but it was a good kind of hurt. It felt really good to laugh like again, it has been way too long since I sincerely laughed; I've had to force a laughter and fake a smile for the longest time, but not tonight. I felt like nothing could or would bother me tonight. Knock on wood. We took a few deep breaths, then it was Nicky's turn to grill me. Although, I'm not sure what she has to grill me about. My life is pretty boring. The only thing I could think about was if she heard about... "What about you? I saw you talking with Brian Moore. I want all the juicy details!" Yep. She saw. Brian Moore is pretty much the most popular, sought out boy at our school. Girls are always throwing themselves at him, me included. Nicky excluded. She says that he's too much of a prissy, stuck up prick who doesn't need a bigger head. I couldn't see how bad he was, I thought he was just a really outgoing guy. I can only imagine what it would be like if I went on a date with him; what my Dad would do, especially since I have no doubt that Nicky would fill the family in on her point of view of him. It would be very interesting to say the very least. I chuckled, preparing myself for the 3rd degree because what I'm about to say has never been attempted by either of us. "I asked him out." I told her, like it was no big deal (even though we both know that once our family finds out, it will be a big deal.) She gasped. "Shut the front door! What did he say?" She asked, practically squealing. Nicky is going to kill me. I nervously got up, slowly walked over to her door, and shut it. I slowly looked down, and stood still for a minute, because I was not prepared for how Nicky would react to telling her that I was going on a diet, one that meant I don't eat for 3 days so I can drop the weight quickly. I hesitated, but began to speak. "Nicky, you and I keep silly little secrets that all teenage girls keep." I took in a deep breath, calming my nerves because as much as I love Nicky, she has a big mouth when it comes to stuff like this. This isn't asking her to not tell anyone that I have a crush, or that I failed a test or that I have a diary (which she can easily do), this is telling her that I'm about to go on an extreme diet. "But what I'm about to tell you is bigger and can under no circumstances leave this room." "My lips are sealed." She promised. I gave her a very serious look and said "you can't change your mind once the words are out of my mouth." I just wanted her to know how serious I was being. This is huge. "God, Eliza. Will you just tell me?" She pushed. I took in one more slow, deep breath. There was no turning back now. "He told me that he only dates pretty, skinny girls. He said I have the pretty part down, and I just needed to lose a little weight." Nicky looked disgusted, like she had just smelled or tasted something horrible. She also looked like she might punch someone. "Please tell me you told him where to go and how to get there." She said in an exasperated tone of voice. I shook my head. "I said, 'a deal's a deal.' I'm just going on a little diet." She looked at me, either very suspicious, or like I just committed a crime, I couldn't tell which. Look, this guy is mega hot, okay? If dropping a few pounds is all it takes to go out with him, then done. Besides, it would probably do me good to drop a few. "What kind of diet?" She asked. "I'll just go a few days without eating. It's the easiest way to drop a few pounds." I said casually, hoping to convince her not to freak out. "What? Eliza, that's so dangerous!" She freaked out. Well, clearly that strategy did not work whatsoever. I should have known better. The thing is, I'm not beautiful like Nicky is, I don't have a good body or pretty eyes; I don't have her model lips or her shiny hair. I can't naturally attract guys the way she can. All she has to do is be herself, and she's like a guy magnet. I can't do that, I actually have to work. It must be nice to attract people to you effortlessly. I've been told I did that before, I just don't remember. "Come on, Nicky. What's the big deal? I'll drop a few pounds and get to go out with Brian; no harm, no foul." For real, though; how much harm could 3 days do? "I don't know..." "It'll be fine. I promise." I reassured her. "Okay." She sighed. I could tell she didn't believe me, but I was glad she dropped it. I know she doesn't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, no one in this family will. Which is why I'm only telling her, because she can keep a secret better than anyone else in this family and, even though she may not like it, I know she'll respect me and not tell anyone. She can get mad at me, but she can't ground me. Another reason why I only told her. "Oh, and you are sworn to secrecy. My parents will kill me if they found out." She shook her head. "I won't tell anyone." I know she'll hold true to that. We've told each other a lot that we couldn't tell our parents, and we've never spilled the beans, yet. Look, I'm not necessarily happy about doing this, either. To be honest, I'm nervous. But, Nicky's been on a few dates, and I'm almost 15 and haven't been on one. I don't want anyone to start coming up with assumptions, like there's something wrong with me, I'm lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian whatsoever), or anything like that. I wanna be a normal teenage girl who goes out on dates. If this is what I need to do to get that ball rolling then, I'll do it. "Thanks, Nick. We should probably get to bed. Goodnight." I said, rubbing her shoulder. "Night." I shut off the light, laid down on her bed, and we went to sleep. I was just so thankful it was Friday. I definitely don't want to have to deal with anyone at school right now. To be perfectly honest, I don't wanna deal with anyone right now. But, getting away from my family isn't an option so, I'll just have to figure out a way to deal.
DANNYS POV
My partner, Demarcus King, was transferred to another precinct. So, my new partner, Jackie Curatola and I, are at a high end hotel investigating the murder of a female. I am really gonna miss Demarcus; he was a good partner, passionate about the job, and he never got in my way, because he knew better. I swear it seems like I have a new partner every month. I've had partners transferred to a different precinct, partners forced to retire because of on-duty injuries, I had one who ended up having to be locked up in a mental ward and some who were dirty cops. I've lost a lot of partners a lot of different ways. I just hoped I would get to keep Jackie for a really long time. Breaking in new partners, especially with the way I do things, is a real bitch. Jackie and I worked together in Narcotics back in the day, by the way. So, she's not completely new to me, it's just definitely been a while. We can worry about getting reacquainted later, though. Right now we've got a murder to investigate. I love this city, never a dull moment. But I'm still pissed someone died. Ready or not, here I come. I met Jackie at the crime scene. "I'll go start in the room." She said, jumping right into it. I remember that about her; if there is anyone out there more passionate about the job and will do what it takes to get things done, it's her. "K. I'll start with the manager." I told her. I went to go interrogate him. I could already guess what kind of girl the victim was. This kind of hotel in this part of New York, my money's on a hooker. "So, this girl, was she a regular client here?" I asked him. He nodded. "She was here at least once a week." Yep, she was definitely a hooker. You know, I gotta be honest, I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever for hookers. They made the choice to sell themselves like that, no one put a gun to their head and made them do it. So, they gotta put up with the consequences. I don't know how them, or their John's, can live with themselves; the whole thing is gross. But, despite all of that, she didn't deserve die. Despite what my opinions are of this girl, I'm still gonna give it everything I've got to catch her killer. If she's here that often, hopefully he'll be able to give me a name, which is a start. "K, so what's her name?" "I don't know." I scoffed. Did this guy really expect me to believe that she was a regular and he didn't know her name? It's amazing to think how stupid people think we are. If he doesn't know her name, then he knows someone who knows her name. But, now that I think about it, the name that they know her by is more likely than not her hooker name and not her real name. Maybe she got killed because she's not as good as she promised. Okay, come on, that was kinda funny. To me, at least. I make jokes on the inside to get through sometimes, I need something and I'm not gonna take to the bottle like some other people do. "You're telling me you never caught her name?" I said sarcastically. "No, I never caught her name. Or, at least, not her real name." Oh, her real name. Lovely. Did I call it or did I call it? As much as I sometimes wish I could catch one, just one, easy, cut and dry case, I would also hate it at the same time. Because if it were really simple, I'd overthink it and make it way more than it was and beyond complicate it. That's why I'm a major case detective; I get the cases that's too hard for everyone else. Sometimes, though, I don't get paid enough. "Oh, so hookers are a regular part of the clientele here, is that what you're telling me?" "What the guests do in the privacy of their own rooms, is their business; I don't pick who rents a room here. Besides, I'm not the police." He said, starting to get an attitude with me. Oh, like I've never heard that one before. I'm glad he doesn't know what his guests do in their own hotels rooms, that would be such an invasion of privacy and just downright nasty. Could you imagine some of the things you'd see? I shivered. I better get back to questioning this guy before I puke. "Well, could've fooled me." I said, giving some attitude back. Maybe, this girl gave him a piece of the action, and that's why he won't say anything. Relax, i'm kidding. Kind of. I'm serious, though. These hookers, they gotta pay off someone in some way to keep doing their business and you know, call me crazy, but, this guy definitely seems like the type to take sex over money. "So let me get this straight, nobody reported anything, nobody said they saw anything out of the ordinary last night?" Someone had to have seen or heard something, I mean, it's a hotel for god's sake. Even just the smallest, most miniscule little detail out of place could give us the start we need to really get the ball moving. Or sometimes that small detail that everyone thinks is insignificant can be the one thing that allows us to solve a case. And I wish people would understand that. "No. I mean, I saw some towels that must've fallen off a housekeeping cart, but." I raised my eyebrows, amazed that that was all this guys had for me. "Towel?" "Yeah." I rolled my eyes, and turned around to walk to the room. "You stick around." I pointed at the manager. Towels. Are you freaking kidding me? I growled as I walked in. I saw that people were already scouring the room and taking pictures. It is way too damn crowded in here. I'm used to this many people at a crime scene, just not so used to the smaller space. "Great news, our only witness is a towel." I told Jackie. She rolled her eyes, just as frustrated as I am. Hey, we suffer together. "Yeah, and she's a Jane Doe; no I.D., no purse, nothing. Either she travels light or the guy who killed her took it as a trophy." I looked at the girl; she looked like she was only about 4-5 years old than the girls, and while I'm not defending her, she did not deserve to die. Especially not that young. Whenever I have a case where the victim is close in age to Nicky and Eliza and is beautiful like they are, it gets me fired up and pissed off, which is when I'm at my best. We're gonna have a good time. I was suddenly smelling something weird, it was making my stomach churn, though I couldn't tell what it was. It kinda smelled like, I don't know, cough syrup gone sour is the best way I can describe it. "What's that I'm smelling?" I asked, scrunching my nose to try to block the smell. I swear I know what that smell is. "Disinfectant. He scrubbed her clean." Jackie told me. Grr! I knew that! Well, now I feel like an idiot. But, it does show us that we're dealing with someone smart, someone who's done this before. Someone who knows what they're doing. Which is going to make this easier and harder at the same time; easier because there's gonna be an M.O. to look for, harder because he's not dum. I could almost feel the annoyance and frustration building up inside me. "So, no DNA, huh?" I sighed. No DNA, no ID, no witnesses, nothing. We've got absolutely nothing. We barely have a place to start. "Well, it wouldn't have mattered. No evidence of a sexual encounter." The MA suddenly stepped in. I hadn't even noticed she was here, how sad is that? When I'm in a crime scene though, that's basically all I'm focused on. Which what a good detective does. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. She's a hooker, how is there no evidence of a sexual encounter? There had to have been one, right? I mean, our John wouldn't have hired her just to kill her, would he? Well, I guess anything is possible. I stood there, confused. There was something fishy going on. Now this case was million times more confusing. "So, what are we thinking? This guy hires a hooker to kill her and gives her a bath?" I sounded like a crazy person. I felt crazy thinking it and felt like a mental ward patient saying it out loud. I wanted to say that that was ridiculous. I mean, no way. But, I'll believe anything at this point, honestly. "These guys are psycho." I commented, rubbing my eyes. "Yeah, maybe he wanted an audience while he took care of himself." Jackie commented. I scrunched my nose again (this time in disgust), closed me eyes, sighed, and turned my head away. Seriously, Jack? That's what's going through your head? That's just not okay by any means. I shuddered from disgust. I know there's a lot of people who are, um, how do you say, adventurous, in the bedroom but this is something new. I took another look at our vic, and noticed something I didn't before; something purple on her neck. I took my pen and pushed her hair out of the way to reveal a puncture wound. "What's with the puncture wound?" I asked. By the looks of said wound, it's been at least 4 hours since the guy injected her. Maybe it was the date rap drug? We don't know if whatever he injected her with is the thing that just knocked her out or actually killed her. "Tox screen will tell us what's in her system. Nothing good." The MA commented. Of course it isn't, this is a homicide case. Everything about this smells like trouble. Literally and figuratively. "All right. He scoured her, let's scour this room. Find something." I ordered everyone (I have no problem telling people what to do). People tell me that I'm bossy and demanding, and you are not going to find me trying to deny that. I am bossy and I will give people things to do. I give orders in a way that's best gonna get things done effectively and fast. It's amazing that I haven't made Sargent, yet. Anyways, back to the case at hand. He had to have left something behind to tell us who he was, I'm sure he screwed up. Maybe I'm more hopeful than sure. I mean, it's like Dad says; if they were smart, we would never catch them.
MY POV
This morning, Aunt Erin is taking Nicky and I to the art Museum. I'm kind of excited about it, I enjoy looking at art, I just can't create it; Nicky, on the other hand, couldn't be more pissed off about the whole thing. See, she told her Mom she was thinking about becoming a cop, and now Aunt Erin is doing everything she can to change her mind and get her to do, well, anything else. I think it has to do with what happened to Uncle Joe, and the fact that Dad and Uncle Jamie are pretty much in constant danger. I know it's difficult for her, thinking that she could have to go through the same thing Grandpa did and the thought of Nicky constantly being in danger has got to be gut wrenching. But, Nicky and I have both agreed that we don't wanna see so many years of legacy die with us. So, if Nicky doesn't become a cop, I will. We don't want this to ever be over. This would sure be a lot easier if there was another grandkid, maybe a guy. "Eliza, are you sure you don't want a snack? You didn't eat breakfast." Aunt Erin asked me in her concerned voice as we were walking down the stairs. I could tell she knew something was up; one disadvantage of have an Aunt who is a lawyer is that she's pretty much paid to know when people are lying to her, and to expose them. I don't know why she thought me not eating breakfast was so weird; I never eat breakfast on a normal day, anyways (I don't know why, I just don't). I think on a normal day, she wouldn't be suspicious but, as I said before, she has a natural talent for knowing when something is up. I cleared my throat. "I'm seriously fine. Mom and I are going out to dinner tonight and I want to save my stomach." I hope she bought that. Luckily, I could tell she instantly dropped her guard. "Oh, that'll be fun." I forced a smile and said "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it." I just seriously hoped that Aunt Erin wouldn't ask my Mom about it. Because then, this whole thing would come crashing down on me, and that was the last thing I needed at this point. Aunt Erin would ask Mom, Mom would say that she has no idea what she was talking about and then the million questions from everyone would begin and I fold under pressure and. Yeah. I will do whatever it takes to avoid that. We walked into the building and it was truly breathtaking. There were so many beautiful paintings here that told such good stories, but that were also left way open for any interpretation. "This place isn't cold and impersonal at all. Now I have no doubt I'll fall right in love with expressionist art." Nicky commented, scoffing as she looked around. I have never heard her voice more sarcastic; being sarcastic and sassy is my personality, her personality is the respectful goody two shoes. I mean, I'm respectful, too. But I'm also way sassy and sarcastic. How can she say that about such a beautiful and abstract place? The rest of my family would probably say the same thing as her, though. I swear, I'm adopted. "Nicky, please." Aunt Erin said, clearly annoyed and disappointed that Nicky clearly decided that she was gonna hate this place before she even set foot on the property. "You've gotta actually give it a chance. A REAL chance." I said, looking at her. She shot me a glare. I rolled my eyes; her and her mother are both so impossible and stubborn. I get that I'm not helping her whatsoever, but I just wish she'd have a better attitude about this whole thing; don't knock it til you try it. I think the only reason she has a bad attitude is her Mom's reasoning for doing it. She's discouraging her daughter's life choices and that's really not okay. It's her life and it should be her choice on what she does with it. But, expanding her mind isn't a crime, it's not a bad thing; it's something you should do. I'm a full believer that you should learn at least a little about as many different things as you can. We came across a painting that I think was of a person? I honestly couldn't tell; the line work was very scattered and left much to be desired, and the colors were blue, black, and white, not exactly the colors you'd use to paint a person. Nicky pointed at it and said "okay, this does it. I should definitely become a cop." "Noted." I muttered under my breath. Honest to goodness, though, being a cop would wear Nicky down and out; she's way too much of a do gooder, and she's a liberal thinker. You cannot be a cop and a liberal thinker at the same time, it just doesn't work. You can't give everyone the benefit of the doubt when you walk the beat, or when you're a Detective. It'll destroy you. I just don't think she's cut out for it but, hey, doesn't hurt to let her dream, right? "What, why?" Aunt Erin asked, looking at the painting, getting closer to it, confused. "Artists are obviously seriously disturbed people. Grandpa's going to need all the help he can get to take care of the EDP calls coming in from these guys." I feel like artists have to be disturbed in order to be an artist. What good art comes from someone who's all happy go lucky? None that I've seen. I bit my tongue to stop from chuckling. That was one of those jokes that you feel like you're going to hell for laughing at. Aunt Erin turned to Nicky in awe, and I'm guessing it wasn't the good kind. "EDP?" Aunt Erin said, sounding shocked. "Emotionally disturbed person?" Nicky said, like it was the most obvious thing (which in this family, it is.) "Yeah, I know what it means. I just can't believe you do." Aunt Erin said. I scoffed. "We live in a family full of cops, how can she not?" I commented. "Okay, Eliza, stay out of this please." It took every ounce of strength I had to not be snappy with her. I mean, it's true. The family doesn't really hold back with what they talk about at Sunday dinner (which I'm sure you've noticed), they have no problem using Police Lingo in front of Nicky and I. In fact, Dad, Grandpa and Pops will take the time to explain stuff to us. It's nice. The rest of the trip kinda sucked; Aunt Erin and Nicky just fought the whole time. As we were walking up and down the halls, looking at the different paintings, Nicky said "Mom, this is essentially my only day off and you're making me spend the good part of it here. This sucks." Holy cow, she is just asking to get into trouble. Maybe she was hoping she'd get grounded so she could go home, but then she would miss out on spa day. I'm not sure she's thinking this through. "Nicky! It is not going to kill you to get some culture in your life." Aunt Erin retorted. "Mom, you're trying to push me into the arts, not respecting what I want!" Nicky said, her voice slowly rising. It was way louder than normal in here. "It's not a crime to try to show you other paths!" Aunt Erin said, trying her best to stay calm. "What do you think, Eliza? Should parents be allowed to force their kids in the arts?" Nicky asked, trying to get me involved. It was really uncomfortable, but I was not gonna get involved. You do not get in the middle of those two, not if you value your life. "I'm not touching this one with a 10 foot pole." I told her. She glared at me. "Seriously? You're not gonna back me up?" She asked. Aunt Erin turned to me expectantly and folded her arms. I don't want to say anything because I can see this situation from both points of view; showing Nicky other things and get her to look at other careers is a good thing, especially since she's still so young, but it's also Nicky' choice. "Hey, let's go look at that Sculpture over there." I said, changing the subject. Nicky growled behind me. My stomach was hurting, in a way I've never experienced before and I just kept reminding myself that I just needed to make it to Monday, I'd get to go out with Brian, and everything would be good. I just hoped this wouldn't backfire on me somehow. I kept drinking water to distract myself from the hunger. Doing my best to focus on the art, avoiding looking at, or talking about, food at all costs. I wanted to just give in and eat, but I couldn't. I wanted to go out with Brian, and gain acceptance back from my peers. Besides, I'm no quitter, and I didn't come this far to only come this far. After the museum, we picked up my Mom from her shift at the hospital at 3pm, and headed to get manicures. She looked absolutely exhausted when she got in the car, and I could te that she really needed this. "Did you get your homework done?" Mom asked. "Last night, Mom. Ask Nicky." I said. "Then let's go get pampered." Mom squealed. I looked at her and chuckled. Or, don't ask Nicky, that works, too. She must be really ready for this night, because she didn't question me further. We usually get our nails done every couple of months, but it had been a while. Nicky and I were in the back, Mom and Aunt Erin were up front. "Hey, Erin. Do you mind if we stop by Danny's precinct real quick before we go?" "Sure. Everything okay?" "Yeah, just wanna say hi." She told her. I perked up a little. I'm not really sure why, but I just really wanted to go see Dad today. Plus, surprising him at his precinct is always a good time. Especially if his boss is there, because then he helps us to mess with Dad in ways we'd never be able to pull off if it weren't for his help. "Can I come in, too?" I asked. Mom turned to me and raised her eyebrows. "You did not really just ask me that, did you? As if I'm going to tell you no?" She said. I was taken by surprise a little, because Mom isn't sassy or sarcastic, either. Is there something in the air today? Although, it was a stupid question. I nodded. "Okay." I said, trying to stifle my laughing. I mean, I didn't know if she had something she needed to talk to him about or if she just wanted alone time with him. So, even though it was a stupid question, it was a legitimate one. We drove over to Dad's precinct and Mom and I walked in. "Don't take too long." Aunt Erin said. We won't take long at all, no visit to the precinct is ever a long one, because Dad is always busy. And that's okay. The Officer at the front desk let us walk right back (they know us by name.) But Dad wasn't at his desk. "Maybe he's not here?" I said, disappointed. I was really hoping to see him. I don't know why, I just really need a hug from him right now. Coming to visit him at work is always a hit and miss. Mom looked around, looking confused. Then Dad's CO (Commanding Officer, so, his boss) Sgt. Gormley, walked up to us. "Linda, Eliza. How can I help you?" He asked. "Well, we wanted to surprise Danny, but it doesn't look like he's here." Mom said. "Don't worry, he is. He's in the back. I'll be happy to help. I'll tell him there's a witness here to give a statement." "Won't that make him mad?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Sgt. Gormley shrugged his shoulders and said "If it does make him mad, it'll be at me, not you." I raised my eyebrows and smacked my lips together. Sgt. Gormley must love stirring my Dad's pot, which is a scary thing to do. I never do it on purpose. But, from what I've heard, those two butt heads all the time, so I'm not 100% surprised. He laughed and walked off. Whatever, it's his funeral. Mom tapped my shoulder. "Hey, what do you say we go out to dinner after we get our nails done?" What the crap? Did she hear the lie I told Aunt Erin? I hope not. I really needed to stop jinxing things. As much as getting dinner would be the perfect ending to this awesome day, I just can't. I had to think of another lie, quick. If Mom found out about what I was doing to myself, especially with her being a nurse, I can't even imagine what she'd do. Oh! Got it! "Mom, I'd love to. But I had a big breakfast, not to mention a late one. I ate way too much." I said, laughing and rubbing my stomach. This sure was a lot of work, I hope it ends up being worth it. "Rain Check?" I asked. "Just say when." She told me. I'll definitely end up taking her up on the offer, later. Though I'll have to watch what I eat and how much from now on; I never wanna have to go through this again. That's when Dad walked in, and he looked so confused. He looked so worn down and drained, but energized at the same time. I don't know how to explain it. He pointed at the door over his shoulder and said "My Sergeant said there was a witness here to give a statement." Mom put her hands up defensively. "That was his idea, not ours." She told him. I put my hand over my mouth to cover my laughter. I probably shouldn't have been laughing, but I couldn't help it. This has got to be one of the funniest ways we've surprised him. He shrugged, then hugged her and kissed her. Dad says that her kisses are magical, that they can get him through anything. And honestly, I noticed his entire body change after they did kiss. Then he turned to me and gave me a weird look, like he was staring at something he didn't recognize. "You okay, kid?" He asked me. I gave him a look that told him I wasn't sure where he was getting at. I really freaking hate having a father who's a top detective; I say the wrong thing or my posture is off or the smallest thing about me or the way I act is out of place, he will pick up on it and send this whole thing crashing down on me. "Yeah, fine." I said as casually as I could. "You just look a little funny as all." He pointed out. I scoffed, trying to act normal. How nice of him to say that to his own kid. It's kind of like, wow, Dad. Say what you really think. "Pft, thanks, Dad." I said. He scoffed at me. He's really, really good at getting people to tell the truth. Like, he's amazing at it. A big reason why he's one of the number one first grade detectives. "You know what I mean." I sighed, praying that he could stop being a detective for like two seconds. Unfortunately, that's highly unlikely; in this family, you are never clocked out. It's more than just a job to them, it's their life. "Yeah, I'm good. I'm just a little tired, Nicky and I stayed up pretty late last night." And guess what? I wasn't lying in the slightest, so there's no way he'd be able to catch me in a lie. For the first time today, I didn't have to come up with a story and it was great. He chuckled. "Do you girls know the meaning of the word sleep?" I can usually tell instantly whether he believes me or not, but not this time. His poker face was excellent. You have to have a good poker face to be a detective. But, as I said before, I wasn't lying so, there's no reason that he shouldn't believe me. "Sleep? What's that?" I asked in mock confusion. Dad scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well, Nicky and Erin are waiting in the car. So we better run." Mom said. "What'cha ladies doing?" Dad asked. "Manicures." I told him. He moved his head forward in a swift motion, like he always does when he doesn't understand something. "English?" He asked. Mom and I laughed at him. He is such a guy, not knowing what a manicure is. I've tried to talk him into getting one before; I've tried telling him that it's relaxing and good for keeping your nails healthy, but, he's so adamant that manicures are for girls and girls only. "Getting our nails done." Mom told him. "Oh. Well, you girls have fun." He said. "Bye honey, love you." Mom said, kissing him goodbye. "See you." I said. I walked up to him and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me, and I took a deep breath, it felt really good. I was starting to feel sick and I was ready to give up. But, when Dad wrapped his arms around me, I felt re energized. I can do this. Right? I hope so. "Bye." He said to us. Then, we left to go get our nails done. I prayed that I would just be able to have fun with my Mom, Aunt, and cousin, and not focus on the fact that I'm pretty sure my stomach was eating itself. Or, at least, that's what it felt like.
DANNY'S POV
Jackie and I headed back to the precinct after we got our victims prints to see if we could run them through the system. I'm really hoping that we get a name. I don't think I've ever had less to go off of on a case in my entire life. I didn't like it, at all. Though, I do like a challenge, and I'm ready for it. "Hey, any luck finding our Jane Doe's prints in the system?" I asked Jackie, who was sitting at her desk. Come on, Jack. Give me good news. She sighed. Uh oh. Bad news. "Nope. I mean, she had no priors. She's either new to the game or she's lucky." The fact that she had no priors makes this whole situation that much more sickening. I mean, sure, this girl wasn't perfect, but obviously she wasn't that bad, either. It was also going to make it more difficult for us to find her. But, like I said, this guy is smart, he's picking girls that have no record, totally unsuspecting. "Yeah, until she was unlucky." I commented. Jackie shook her head in clear frustration. "I mean, the only fingerprints that match are on the T.V. remote control so, I don't know, maybe she was watching Jersey Shore, waiting for her John." Jackie said. "Yeah, or maybe he had her watch some smut before he killed her." I commented. I wouldn't put anything past this sick son of a bitch. I am just so confused as to why this guy did what he did. I get that we're early in the investigation, but usually by now, I know why someone did what they did, their reasoning. Or at least, what they feel is a reason. Jackie leaned back in her chair, and out her hands behind her head, looking beside herself. "Either way, it's sad." She said. It really is sad. Sad that this girl lost her life, sad that she had such low self esteem that she thought being a hooker was necessary. Sad that she thought that's all she was good for. That doesn't excuse what she did, though. Because she's just as bad as her killer, only in a different way. I hope the girls never feel that way, I don't want them in this position. Yes, I am constantly thinking about my family. That's not a bad thing. I began to look through the hotels records, and I notices that she accessed the internet through her room. She checked her email. Yes, this is perfect; her emails could give us more information about her, it would even give us her name. There's even a chance that we'll get her real name from her email. She threw us a bone before she was killed and she doesn't even know it. And she never will. "Or maybe it was neither. Look at this, Jack." I gestured her over to my desk so that she could see what I was looking at. "Hotel records show she accessed the internet through her room. She used the T.V. to log into her email account." "So, her last words were in Cyberspace?" Jackie asked, sounding either shocked or confused. I honestly couldn't tell which. "Yeah, let's go find out what they were." I said. We'll finally be able to get the ball rolling, and find something. We went over to one of our techs (one that everyone likes to pick on) and told him to start figuring out how to get into this girl's account. We like to pick on him cuz he's kind of like the nerdy little brother of the precinct. As much as I pick on him, I'd kill anyone who tries to hurt him (that goes for everyone in the squad. We watch each other's backs.) After 15 minutes, I started losing patience. We were wasting precious time here. I get that this isn't a kidnapping so it's not like we have a time crunch, but I still like solving cases as fast as possible. This girl does deserve justice, hooker or no hooker. No one gets away with murder in my city, under my watch. "Come on, come on. Hurry it up." "Hold on, give me one second." He said. "All right, tell me the truth; you hack into your girlfriend's emails when she's not looking, she has no idea." Jackie said to him. I looked up at Jackie and dropped my jaw in shock. I couldn't believe she just said that. I mean, I was thinking it, but still. I turned my head head away so that I could chuckle without tech boy noticing that I was laughing. That shouldn't have been funny, but it was. And I hate myself for not saying it first. "I, uh, I don't... Have a girlfriend." He stuttered. I chuckled, we are such asses to this guy. To be honest, I'm not surprised that he doesn't have a girlfriend. I'm not saying he's ugly or has a sucky personality or anything; he's a great guy. He's just really quiet and reserved, he doesn't put himself out there, which is basically the only way to find a girlfriend. But hey, maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend. To each their own. If he doesn't want one, he has no idea what he's missing out on. After another 10 seconds, he finally said; "Okay, uh, here we are. Your Jane Doe's login name is Bella-Ball and her real name is Stacey Fryman. Looks like she liked to cook, she subscribed to a bunch of different cooking web sites here." I began looking at her incoming emails. She has a lot of recipes that I had never heard of. They looked really fancy, that's for sure. They're all probably to "chiefy" as Dad said (tampering with food that doesn't need tamping with.) "Yeah, a regular aspiring chef. Chicken Scarpariello, Baked Spaghetti, Mango Pepper Marinade." Maybe I should print out some of these recipes and bring them home to Eliza and Linda; they're always looking for new recipes to try, and these sound good. Doesn't hurt, right? Maybe I could print some out and we could all cook together. That is if they'll let me in the kitchen; I'm not the best chief out there. Then I turned to Jackie and said "You know, you might want to jot some of these recipes down." She looked at me like, eyebrows raised. "Seriously. Single guys love a girl that can cook, you know." I commented looking back at the screen. See, now, she's one who wants a boyfriend, but uses every excuse in the book to stay single because she's been hurt way too many times. "I use my oven as a dresser." She teased. I smiled at her then went back to the screen. She's so sassy, I love it. She's the perfect partner for me. The sad part is, I could so see her using the oven as a dresser. She cooks even less than I do. I saw an email that said a payment order had been received. Well, that's interesting. I'm betting this payment will lead us to our John. "Hey, hey. Here's something right here. She did a money transfer to a website called KissTheApple.Com for an ad." He pointed out just as I noticed it. Okay, so, it was a payment for an advertisement, not a payment from her killer. But, it was still something that we could use to get us one step closer. "Alright, let's see it." I said. He pulled up the link to show our victim's picture, and a biography, on a hooker website. "Alright, this is where her John's found her." I pointed at a cell phone number on the ad and said "We gotta dump this cell phone and see who she spoke to." Maybe she spoke to her John beforehand? There's gotta be something in there that'll tell us something. Then Sgt. Gormley walked into the room, and his face told me he had bad news, which I really didn't feel like hearing right now. I braced myself. He was pale, and he looked like he might vomit. "Hey, Sarge." Jackie greeted him. "Hey." He nodded at her. He had a file in his hand and began to look at it. "M.E.'s preliminary report is in. Puncture wound on the neck delivered an opioid called etorphine into your victim's system. Knocked her out cold, then she was smothered." He told us. Wow. That's. Extremely specific for an M.O. I didn't know how to respond. Though, having that specific of an M.O. Will help us to narrow down his victims and hopefully we'd be able to find out what his victims had in common, other than the fact that they're hookers. And why he's killing them off. I don't care how "civil" he thinks he's doing it, he's a sick son of a bitch and a murderer. "That's a pretty specific M.O." I pointed out to everyone else, hoping everyone else could see it, too. "That's what I thought, so I queried VICAP." Well, that's nice. I'm usually the one who has to help everyone else see what I see (Sarge calls it a rabbit hole when I start explaining stuff like that). He looked back down at the files. "2 months ago, Emily Parker, a hooker from Garden City, died the same way. Last month, Aly Garcia in Jersey." He finished, handing me the files. "Son of a bitch is on a roll." Jackie stated. I looked at her, slightly disappointed, and slightly excited. It's been awhile since I hunted a serial killer (yes, hunting down serial killers is fun for me. I'm weird. I know this.) I want Stacey to be this guy's last victim. I won't let him strike again. Not on my watch. We gotta work hard and fast before he has another chance to get at another girl. After we got her real name, we were able to look her up on social media. "Look at this, Jack. Looks like she has a boyfriend; a Thomas Porter." Maybe her boyfriend found out that she was a hooker, got pissed that she was sleeping around like some whore and killed her. That's the assumption I'm making until we learn more. Well, we're in for a good time (sarcasm intended). "Huh. Well, how about I got have a little talk with Thomas Porter?" She said. I'm glad she volunteered, she's slightly nicer than I am. But, only slightly. I'd have really rustled that guy up. "Sounds good, I'm gonna go talk to the first victim's parents, see if I can't find anything out." Don't worry, I'll be nicer to them. I mean, I'm a parent myself. I can't even imagine what they must be going through. Losing a child is probably the worst hell that someone can go through. I've seen Dad go through it second hand, and that's horrible enough. I hope I never have to experience it first hand, because that would destroy me completely. I quickly got in my car and drove over. I knocked on her door. She answered, looking very confused. "Mrs. Parker?" "Yes." She said, sounding scared. I don't blame her. But thankfully, I'm not here to bring her more bad news. Or, maybe I am. Actually, yeah, I am. So, just ignore me. Even though I'm not telling her that her daughter died and she'll never see her again (thank god, too. That's the worst part of this job), telling her that her daughter was the first victim of a serial killer is a close second. This is gonna suck for the both of us. "I'm Detective Reagan. I need to ask you about your daughter, Emily." She slowly closed her eyes, probably reliving the pain, and ushered me in. I hate to bring it up for her again but, the first victim for serial killers can be very important and informative, it could have been someone she knew or trusted. Or at least, trusted enough. When we walked into her living room, she picked up a picture frame. I looked around the house, it was a really nice house, and there were family pictures all over the living room. This girl obviously came from a good family and was well loved. So, what was she thinking? I know her family wasn't perfect, no family is, but I also can't seem them treating her in such a way that she would choose this life. Granted, I'll never understand why girls decide to become hookers. I get that they make more than I do but, there has got to be more decent, less danger and more ethical ways to make more money. "This is Emily, with her brother. Long time ago." She told me. "It must still be very difficult for you to talk about." I said, in the most gentle voice I could. I didn't want to get her worked up, I needed her to be thinking clearly. She softly shook her head. "I lost my daughter long before she was murdered, Detective." She stopped talking, looked up, closed her eyes, and put her hand on her chest. I understood what she meant, hopefully I'll never experience that. It's gotta be difficult, losing your child before they're even dead. That would kill me. I've lost plenty of people in my life long before they died; they became completely shut out, distant, completely different people, people that I no longer wanted to know. I cut them out, hoping to help, but, that only made things worse. "But the Lord helped me make peace with that." She explained. I gotta admit; I do admire this woman's strength. I'm not really one to turn to God when things get rough. To be totally honest, I'm not even sure I still believe in God. But, hey, whatever brings her peace and comfort, right? She turned around and handed me the picture. "So, thank you for your concern. You can ask me anything you like." "Of course." I said in a barely audible whisper. I'm thankful that she's willing to tell me what I need to know, I'm used to having to pry information out of people. I can't lie that it's fun, but, sometimes it is a nice change of pace to be able to just ask and receive. "Um, we're thinking your daughter may have been the first victim in a series." I explained to her. She looked distant, like this news didn't take her by surprise at all. That definitely struck me as odd. I'll just say that losing her daughter caused her to be so numb that she doesn't let herself feel anything anymore. But I'm still gonna keep my guard up, something about this lady just doesn't sit right with me, and my gut is never wrong. "A series?" "Yes, ma'am." "How many?" She asked. "3 that we know of. The last just happened." She turned to sit down. "What those poor families must be going through." She choked as she sat on the couch. I cleared my throat. "Do you mind if I sit down?" I asked. "Please." She said, gesturing towards the chair across from her. She had the most calm, gentle, soft voice. It was kind of creeping me out to be totally honest. "Mrs. Parker, sometimes the first victim is very important because it may have been someone she knew. Maybe there was a connection." I explained. "My daughter knew a lot of people, Detective. All you had to do was pay her." She stated. I was kind of taken aback by that statement. How could someone say that about their own kid, even if it was true? Of course, if I ever found out Eliza was a prostitute, I'd probably lose my shit. Maybe this girl wasn't as well loved and taken care of as I thought. You know what they say, never judge a book by its cover. The longer I was in this woman's presence, the more uneasy I was feeling, and I couldn't explain why. And I couldn't show it, either. If this lady thinks I don't trust her, she won't tell me anything. So I need to trust her, or at least trust her enough. After I didn't say anything, she continued. "I know that sounds harsh, but it was very difficult, learning what she had been doing." Well, yeah. I can only imagine. I looked around the room, again, and I saw pictures of Jesus and Crosses. So, they're an extremely religious family. Learning that you're daughter is a hooker would be hard enough as it is, but if you're a really religious family? But, I don't think she'd kill her daughter over that, she just doesn't seem like the murdering type. Of course, that doesn't mean that she couldn't have paid someone else to do her dirty work for her. I thought parents were supposed to love their children unconditionally, no matter what. No matter what Eliza did, no matter how upset I get with her, it would never even cross my mind to hurt her. And for the time being, at least until we have more information, I'm gonna believe that Mrs. Parker felt the same way. "Understandable." I told her gently. She looked at me. "Do you have a daughter, Detective?" I half smiled. I don't like talking about my daughter to witnesses or victims and their families, but as long as I didn't share too much, it was fine. I had to keep this lady giving me information. But, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever had anyone involved with my cases as me if I had kids. There's a first for everything, right? I was kinda curious to see where she was getting at, why she wanted to know, so, I nodded. "One." I told her. She nodded softly, she smiled gently, as if she was actually feeling happy. "How old is she?" She asked. "Almost 15." Did I seriously just say that my daughter is almost 15 years old? Holy crap, I'm so freaking old. "They grow up too fast." She commented. Yes. Yes they do. I feel like Eliza is 15 going on 30. And it seems like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. It feels like just an hour ago Linda and I were in the Doctor's office waiting to get confirmation that she was pregnant. See, Linda was told that she wasn't going to be able to have kids, and we had had 3 miscarriages. So, when Linda found out she was pregnant with Eliza we were of course very happy, but we were also terrified. We didn't even let our families know that we were pregnant until the doctor told us that we were at a point in the pregnancy that the possibility of a miscarriage was slim to none. And even then, we couldn't relax because who's to say she wouldn't be stillborn? When she was born, and we heard her cry and saw her move around, we were both in tears. The nurse told us that she was fierce and a fighter, and that she was gonna be just fine. Fast forward, and I do mean fast, and she's blossoming into a beautiful, mature young woman who's going to be in high school in a few months. And she's still as feisty as can be. "Can't argue with that." She slowly looked down and to the right at the coffee table. "I raised my daughter to believe in God, I raised her to have values..." She said, trailing off, as if she had more to say but didn't know how to put it. "Did your daughter ever mention anyone acting unusual around her? Anything in particular she might have said to you?" I asked her, trying to keep on track. She pursed her lips, looking deep in thought. "Hm. No, she hadn't talked to me in months." She shook her head. I felt my heart break a little. This poor woman has been through absolute hell and back. Well, she's been through hell, I'm not sure she's ever come back. "No, when the police told me, I wasn't even surprised." She shrugged her shoulders. I looked down at the ground for a second. This conversation was getting uncomfortable. Yes, her daughter made some absolutely terrible decisions, and I'm not defending her or saying that I feel bad for her, because I don't. But, any sort of death comes as surprise. No one ever actually expects anyone to die. Now, whether or not you feel sorry when a person dies, that's another story. I'll give you an example; a couple of years ago, this guy who put me through hell as a rookie cop was murdered. Of course, since I had a beef with the guy, they interrogated me. When they told me he was dead, I thought I was in a dream, my whole body was shaken. As much of a douche bag as he was to basically everyone he met, him being murdered still came as one of the biggest shocks of my life. But, was I sorry he was dead? Hell no. In fact, I was a little relieved. The world was finally free of him. You understand where I'm getting at here? I do not want to believe that her mother had anything to do with her death but, I'm thinking that's a possibility. I didn't know what to think right now. Then I looked back up into reality when she said "Imagine that; getting the news that every parent fears, and only being surprised that it hadn't happened sooner." She chuckled. I cleared my throat and got up to leave. I think I've learned everything that I need to. Mrs. Parker just got added to my personal suspect list, but until we find something actually pointing to her, I'll keep that to myself. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Parker." I smiled at her and nodded my head. "Of course. Detective?" She stopped me right before I walked out. "Make sure your daughter knows that you only do what you do because you love her and want to keep her safe." I'm pretty sure that she already knows that, but, then again she is a teenage girl so, who knows. I lifted the corner of my lip and said "I'll be sure to do that." And I walked out.
MY POV
We arrived at the salon and all took a seat in those amazing massage chairs. And we were literally the only people in there, score! This was going to be freaking amazing. The order, from left to right, was; Aunt Erin, Nicky, Mom, me. "Ah, isn't this nice?" Mom said. They threw in a free pedicure, so we were getting a foot massage, the whole enchilada. You can't ask for anything better than a relaxing day with some of your favorite people. I'm glad my family does stuff like this, it keeps us close. My family is big on staying close together. I know a lot of families don't make time to hang out with their family, but I'm grateful that we do, it's been a very big blessing. All of us laid our heads back and had our eyes closed, soaking in the calm, peaceful environment around us. It had that feeling of the calm before the storm. "Getting pampered? It's so amazing." Nicky commented. She wasn't wrong, it was heavenly. Though I was having a hard time relaxing, because it had now been almost 14 hours into my diet, and I was starting feeling it. My head felt fuzzy, my eyes were killing me, and I felt totally out of it. I shifted my weight, just trying to adjust myself, thinking it would make me feel at least a little better. I don't know why I thought that okay, I just did. Mom tapped my shoulder. "Hey, you." I barely opened one eye and slowly moved my head to face her. "What's going on with you? Usually your gossiping away when we do stuff like this." Grr. I forgot for a second that I was with family. I gotta stop acting like I feel sick. "Yeah, I'm good. Just soaking everything in." I said, sitting up. And before she could say anything, I shot Nicky a look that said if she said anything, I'd kill her. She looked down at the ground and softly shook her head. I did feel bad. I know she just wants to help me, but she'll be helping me a lot by not saying a word. "Are you going to try out for choir next year, Eliza?" Aunt Erin asked. I suddenly felt like there was a heavy weight on my heart. I started fidgeting around, feeling very uncomfortable. See, I'm a very talented singer, but I haven't sang since Uncle Joe's funeral. I just can't bring myself to do it. It hurts to much. Singing just takes me back to Uncle Joe's funeral, and it causes the pain to surface. I just can't. Yeah, i'm pathetic, I know. You don't need to tell me this. I had a flashback to his funeral. FLASHBACK: Grandpa had just finished his eulogy. I still remember the goosebumps that made their way up and down my whole body, and how my legs turned to jello listening to his words. Now, it was my turn to sing, and Nicky would be doing a piano number afterwards. I stepped up onto the stage, and looked out into the crowd. Officers from all around showed up to honor Uncle Joe and his work. It was a sea of blue, I felt (still feel) very proud to be his niece. I grabbed the mic, and the music started. I sang See You Again by Charlie Puth (the version without the rap.) I, naturally, teared up, barely kept my voice from shaking. I had to shut my eyes hard to stop the tears from coming on full force. I just kept thinking of all the good times we had together, all the laughs, smiles, inside jokes, all of it. Knowing that that was all I ever had left of him, I didn't wanna believe it. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that memories were all that any of us had left of him. When I sang "Carry on. Give me all the strength I need to carry on." I almost lost my damn mind and honestly, I think everyone else in the room did as well. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. I just felt like I didn't have the strength to keep going. I remember Aunt Erin saying to me after the funeral "There's a difference between not having the strength to go on, and not wanting to go on. You have the strength to go on, now you have to find the will. Joe would want you to find a way to be okay." It hit me really hard, and I think about that all the time. After I finished the number, Grandpa stood up and handed me a nice case, and when I opened it, I saw Uncle Joe's dog tags. The case had blue velvet lining the whole inside and outside of it, and the silver dog tags and chain stood out in a beautiful way. I ran my fingers gently along them, and, once again, goosebumps made their way up and down my body. I felt someone squeezing hard on my chest. I was so distraught, I could have sworn I saw him standing by Grandpa when he gave them to me. That's when reality hit me that I would never see him again; my chest became very tight, and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I fell to my knees as my legs turned to jello, my whole body shaking, and I was crying harder than ever, and Dad had to pull me off of the stage. I haven't sang since that day. BACK TO PRESENT. I shook my head, and returned to the present time. "No, I don't think so." I said in a barely audible whisper. "It might be good for you to start singing again. I'm sure you miss it." Aunt Erin said. I wryly chuckled. I do miss it. I miss it more than anything; every time I think about all of the fun I used to have singing, and all of the memories I made, it makes me want to cry, and it makes my stomach hurt. I remember the nerves I used to feel before going on stage, smelling hairspray for weeks afterwards, the spotlights blinding me in the best way possible. I just don't know if I can sing again. I'm extremely rusty, anyways. "Maybe you should, Nicky." I told her. She laughed. "Are you kidding? Basketball is my thing. Singing is yours." "Fair point." I said, raising my eyebrows and tilting my head in acknowledgment. Nicky is very much into sports. Especially playing them. She's into sports, politics, science, that stuff. Me? I watch football and that's about it. I'm more into singing, dancing, reading, writing, that stuff. Honestly, any sport involving a ball, and my head automatically becomes a magnet so, I'll just stick to watching and cheering from the bleachers. "I just wish you'd get more involved in school activities. You can meet some new friends, and it looks great on a college application. Plus, Joe would want you to keep going." Mom told me. I knew they were right; I needed to get more involved in extracurricular activities, and get involved in singing again. Especially if I wanted to get into Juilliard, which has been my dream college for as long as I can remember. And, it's true, Uncle Joe wouldn't want me to quit. It's funny, I worked so hard with Uncle Jamie after Uncle Joe died so that he wouldn't stop doing what he loves and become distant. But I let it happen to me. There is that end of school talent show at school coming up in about 2 months. Maybe I'll sign up. I'd have to start doing vocal exercises now, though in order to get back to my skill level. "I'll think about it." I told them. We all dropped the subject, and began relaxing again. I really will think about it, but I'm not promising anything; I've disappointed my family enough as it is. I can't keep doing that. "Hey, Nicky, you trying out for basketball next year?" I asked her. "Duh, I'm going for team captain." She said. I nodded my head in approval. "You'd nail it." I told her. She's great at being a leader, she has no problem telling people what to do. And I don't think that's a bad thing. But she can be extremely bossy and naggy, just like her mother and that gets annoying. Especially when she tries to boss me around. It's like, excuse you, I'm the older one. "I know." She said confidently. We all laughed. Nicky is one of the most confident people I have ever met and she's inspiring. I wish I had that kind of confidence. After a few minutes, I started to feel clammy, and nauseous. I took in deep, slow breaths through my nose, and slowly let them out through my mouth. I could feel the cold sweat, slowly but surely, seep down my face. I was begging myself not to puke, and I had never wanted to leave the salon so quickly. My forehead was all sweaty and cold. I know that I'm strong enough to do this, it's the one thing I am strong enough to do. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I had no idea that it would be quite this hard. Aunt Erin chose a nude color for her nails, Nicky chose yellow, Mom chose a lavender, and I went for a sparkly, royal blue. In order to try to take my mind off of how I'm feeling, I began thinking about what I want to do for my parents anniversary, which is coming up here soon. I gotta talk to their bosses to make sure I get them a weekend off. Aunt Erin is going to help me get them a room in Montauk for Friday and Saturday night (they'll come home Sunday night). I gotta get them a reservation for the restaurant (Grandpa is gonna help me pay for the bill) and pack their suitcases. I know I don't have to do this, but my parents have been married for almost 17 years and I know that if I didn't, they really wouldn't have the time to do anything for themselves. They deserve a weekend away, and I know they'll enjoy it. My parents have done so much for me and they've sacrificed so much for our family, I just wanna give something back to them and show them that I love and appreciate them. After about 20 minutes, we finished. Everyone stood up. I swung my legs over the side of the chair, and when I stood up, the world started spinning, my vision went blurry and did not have any idea where I was for a second and I lost my balance. Mom caught my elbow right before I hit the ground. "Eliza, are you okay?" She asked. I closed my eyes and nodded, trying to catch my bearings. Seriously, Mom? Do I look okay? "Yeah, I just stood up too fast." I told her. "You sure that's all?" She asked. "Yeah, totally." I wasn't totally lying, I just avoided certain truths. "Okay." Mom said. "You should still get her home, Linda." Aunt Erin said, eyeing me. I feel terrible for lying to them and manipulating them, but I have no choice. "Yeah." Mom agreed. On the way home, I rested my head against the seat, and actually fell asleep for a bit. I have never felt so sick in my entire life. Mom and I walked into the house at about 7pm. "Can we watch a movie?" I asked. Watching a movie and just chilling out sounded awesome right now. Mom smiled at me. "Of course, we can." But, first, I needed to get something for my headache. Even though I'm 100% positive that this headache was due to lack of nutrition, there had to be something that could hold me over. "I need to grab some IBuprofen before we start." I told her. "Okay, I'll go pick out a movie." She said. "Make it a good one." I said. I walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. As I reached for the bottle, I got very lightheaded very quickly, and I saw doubles for a second. I gripped the counter for dear life while I gained stability. I looked down at my hands, and they were shaking like crazy. I bet my blood pressure was down the toilet. I feel like complete and utter shit, but I only got to make it through tonight and tomorrow. I kneeled down, because I couldn't stand standing right now. I took deep breaths in. I wish I could have just been pretty to begin with, because then I never would have had to do this. This really sucks. It's not just for Bryan that I'm doing this; I'm the ugliest girl I know and I wanted that to finally change, since I'll be in high school soon. I finally started to feel well enough that I could stand up again. I splashed some water in my face, took the IBuprofen then went and sat down on the couch by Mom. I could see that she popped in A Walk To Remember. "I'm really glad you had tonight off, Mom." She smiled her sweet smile at me, the one that could cheer you up even if you're in the shittiest mood possible (believe me, I've seen her do it a million times over with my father) and put her arm around me. "Me, too, sweetie." A disadvantage of having a Mom who's an E.R. nurse and a Dad who's a First-Grade Detective who seems to catch all of the most difficult cases is, I don't get to see them a lot. But, that makes the times that I do get to spend quality time with them special, and I never take those moments for granted. That's one thing growing up in this family has taught me: appreciate all of the little moments, and don't let them pass. I curled up to her and enjoyed the movie. We bawled our eyes out, like always. Dad hates watching that movie with us for that exact reason, we get really emotional. We are so mushy watching it, and we feel no shame. I just think that it's really amazing that Landon and Jamie were total opposites and barely spoke, but they ended up finding each other and truly being with each other til the very end. I admire Landon's strength; losing his wife, but he still managed to move forward and go to college and make a good life for himself. I really pray to God that Mom doesn't have to experience losing the love of her life to anything besides old age, and vice versa. The movie ended at 9, and I had no more energy after that. I just figured that I could sleep as long as I can and just take up as much time as I can, make the next day go by as fast as possible, then I'd be okay. "Hey, Mom. I'm exhausted, I think I'm going to turn in early." I didn't think before I said this out loud. I'm a night owl, and rarely go to bed before 11, so this definitely raised a red flag with my mom. "Honey, are you sure you're feeling alright?" "I think I'm getting a cold. Nothing more serious than that, though. Just gotta sleep it off." I told her. I am really hoping that once I get some sleep, I'll feel a whole lot better. Because if I still felt like this by tomorrow, no doubt Mom would make me go to the Doctors and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take them long to figure out what's up. And I cannot have that. "You'll still go to church tomorrow?" She asked. "Of course." Church is so important to her, and I've been raised to only miss church if I can't get out of bed. Even if I have to fake it, I've got to go to church tomorrow to keep up the act. And with that being said, I went to bed. I can't say that I slept much; I was tossing and turning all night. My stomach was killing me, and I have never wanted Monday to come so much in my life. As I was almost asleep, I realized that I would have to figure out a way to get out of eating Sunday dinner tomorrow night. Eh, I'll just tell the family that if I eat, they will be seeing it a second time, guaranteed. Let's just hope that everyone buys it. Highly unlikely, but I can hope, right?
DANNY'S POV
Jackie and I met up back at the precinct and put together a Victim Board, hoping to try to find a connection between these three girls. Well, other than the fact that they're hookers. Hopefully, this guy wasn't just choosing random girls, because if he was; it was going to be damn near impossible to track him down. That also meant that, more likely than not, he was just doing this for the sheer pleasure of it. In order to catch this psycho, I gotta learn to think like one. "The victim in Long Island and the one in Jersey- they both had ads up on the same site." Jackie informed me as I was staring at the board. Well, that might be something. I guess we'll see. "You got anything from their families?" She asked me. "Nope. These girls didn't exactly go home bragging about the news friends they met, if they even came home at all. Girl from New Jersey's family kept tabs on her by checking in her ad." I told her. "That's how they knew she was alive?" Jackie asked in disbelief. "Yep." I said, in just as much disbelief. I can't imagine what that would be like. That would be hell on earth. Can you picture only knowing if your kid was alive by looking at her as on a hooker website? Sickening. The other thing about these girls? They all grew up in good, loving families. Their decisions to become prostitutes makes no sense. They were well taken care of, their family had money so, why? "God. Alright, well we got the phone records here, there's no overlapping incoming numbers." So no phone calls ingoing or outgoing. I need to find something, anything to tie this girls together. Why did he do this? What does he gain? What did these girls do or say to warrant them dying? No one deserves what was done to them. I went back to the board, examining it hard. We were missing something, I could feel it. I just couldn't figure out what. "No, this killer was smart; used his cell phone once and then ditched it. What about the aspiring chefs boyfriend? His story check out?" I asked her. "Yeah, he's got a strong alibi. Seems he really loved her, call girl and all." That's a good thing, and a bad thing. Good that he actually did love her, bad because he was pretty much our only suspect even though we can't find any connection between him and the other girls. "Well, I guess there's someone out there for everyone." I sighed. I guess there is, huh? I guess that everyone can find someone who loves them for who they are; I sure did, and I married her. I stepped aside to let Jackie look at the board, because my vision was getting blurry, and I needed to take a step back. After 10 seconds of nothing I said "Don't say it. We got nothing." I was very frustrated, because it was true; we had essentially nothing to build a case on. "No, I wasn't gonna say that. Do these girls remind you of anyone?" She asked, turning to face me. I analyzes their faces, and then saw Jackie looking at me. They resembled Jackie. A lot. I know what she's thinking, I know how her mind works and I will not allow it. No way, it's too dangerous. She wants to go undercover to catch this son of bitch. "What if I went undercover as a prostitute, made an ad on this site, and we nail the son of a bitch." I instantly shook my head. Did I call it or did I call it? There's no way on God's green earth that I'll let her put herself into that position. "No, no way. I like the idea of a stakeout but we are not using you as the bait." I was not going to let my partner put herself in that much danger. I'm very protective over the people I care about, which, includes Jackie. In case that wasn't obvious. "I'm a big girl, Reagan." Don't care. I won't let this happen. What if something went wrong? What if we wouldn't be able to get to her before she's killed? She's playing with and her own life. It's stupid and reckless and she's just going to have to listen to me this time. "Forget it." I said. "Well, let's see what Gormley says." She began walking to his office. I sighed, frustrated with her. There is no way in hell I was going to let her do this, no matter what anyone says. Thankfully, Gormley agreed with me. Are you nuts?" He asked Jackie after she made her pitch. Pretty sure that the answer to that is yes. "I do not see what the problem is here. Running a decoy is our best option." I agree, if we can get someone to pose as a prostitute, someone who had the same features as these other girls, it would be like a bee to honey. "Not using you as the bait, Jackie." Gormley shook his head. She pointed to the board and said "Look at those girls, look at me-he has a type. I'm his type, I'm a serial killer's type." She said, shrugging her shoulders. I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood, but I was in no mood whatsoever. She needs to take this seriously, this is some really serious shit and she needs to treat it and act as such. "We're not talking about some dating site here, Jackie. We're talking about a guy who's killed three women!" This guy is smart, he knows what he's doing. He's probably one who can make a cop from a mile away. "Lighten up, Reagan. I was kidding." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Alright, listen. She has worked Vice, Reagan." Gormley commented,gesturing towards her." I looked at him, appalled. Why was he suddenly leaning towards her side? Great, now I'm 2 against 1. But I'm still standing my ground. I glared at Gormley, freaking traitor. "Come on, Sarge. Look, with all do respect, busting creeps in Queens while they're chasing quickies is a little bit different than what we're talking about here." Jackie suddenly glared at me. I looked at her seriously. "Jackie, someone else can do this. You don't have to do this." "I know I don't have to do this, I want to do this." If this other people who can do this, I want that to be someone else. I mean. I know that Jackie can hold her own. She could kick some serious ass if she needed or wanted to. It's not that I'm saying she can't do it, I just do not want her doing it; I care about her too much and I'd be worried sick the entire time. "Why?" I asked. If I can't talk her out of it, I may as well try to understand her reasoning. "Because, they're just girls trying to find their way. And so what? That made some mistakes." I rolled my eyes. A mistake is something you do one time. Being a hooker isn't a mistake, it's a choice. A piss poor choice, but still a choice. It's not like someone held a gun to their head and made them lose all of their morals and values. "Some mistakes. I'd say say that's putting it mildly, Jackie." I began to pace. She scoffed. "You know what, Reagan? Not everybody grows up in a great house in Bay Ridge with a loving family to fall back on." I turned back to her. What she said hurt a little. Actually, I'm not just so much as I am frustrated. So now I should feel ashamed because I did? Well, I don't. And I never will. But I still don't understand what that has to do with anything. "What does that mean?" She shook her head. "No, come on. What the hell does that mean?" "Look, I was in high school, I was a-a screwup. I was fighting with my mom, fighting with everyone around me, skipping school and I decided 'you know what? I don't need this'. And I went, I took off and ran off to Boston. And when I returned home, the locks were changed, and I was out on my own. But somehow, I ended up here. It takes one mistake to change your life." I signed. Okay, she has a good point. If it'll really help us to catch this guy then, I'll jump on board. But, I want it known that I'm not happy about it. In case that wasn't clear. This guy is just really smart, and I'm concerned that he'll make her as a cop the second he sees her because if he does, this whole thing will spiral out of control, and there's no way I'd be able to get to Jackie in time. "Let's hope this mistake doesn't change our lives, okay? I want two Detectives backing us up, I want TARU to wire that whole hotel and you do not leave my sight for one second." The second she leaves my sight is the second this whole thing will come crashing down on us. I want all the backup we can possibly have and I want to be able to have eyes and ears everywhere so we can spot anything out of the ordinary. "Okay." She agreed, though it's not like she has a choice. "Alright, you've got authorization to run for a month." Gormley said. I sure hope this works. I felt this pain in the pit of my stomach; I was so incredibly nervous, and the butterflies were almost too big to handle. I do not wanna do this, but it's too late to change my mind, now. As I've said before, I've lost a lot of different partners for a lot of different reasons and I just don't want to lose Jackie. I can't lose Jackie; she understands me in a way no other partner is, and back in the day, she had a real talent for calming me down and getting me to think rationally before I rip someone's freaking head off.
MY POV
Thank goodness it was Sunday. That meant I only had to get through today and I could eat again tomorrow. Remind me to keep this weight off so I never have to do this again. I was playing with my food, moving it around to at least make it look like I was eating. It's times like these that I wish we had a dog, so that I could subtly sneak the food to him. I don't like wasting food, but, I didn't make it this far to give in at the very last second. I'm no quitter. I just hoped this would all be worth it. Maybe I'd even get back in with the popular crowd. Maybe this was the step I needed to take to start getting back to my old self. "Since I know he won't do it himself, I just want to take a sec to toast Pops on his new job." Nicky said, lifting her drink to toast. I stopped mid drink. Was there something I had missed? When did Pops get a job? How is he gonna have time to get a job, what with all of the charities he oversees for the NYPD? "Wait, how come I don't know about this?" Aunt Erin asked. "At least I'm not the only one." Uncle Jamie commented. "Yeah, Pop, something you want to tell us?" Grandpa asked. I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that I wasn't the only one in the dark. Apparently, Pops had a secret that he kept from everyone but Nicky, that or she snuck around and found out... Nah, being sneaky is my thing, not hers. He definitely told her. How rude. Though, to be fair, most of the time she can keep a secret and I can't. "There's nothing to announce. I'm just considering." Pops stated. "What are you considering, Grandpa?" Dad asked. "A private security firm called Ajax that have been stocking their pond with old farts from the NYPD. I met with them." I think he would be really good at that, and I'm sure he misses it. It's gotta be hard on him; sitting back while Grandpa, Dad and Uncle Jamie are still out there. But can we please talk about the fact that Pops said fart at the dinner table? Hehe. Oh, come on, it's kinda funny. "That is wonderful news, Henry. They're lucky to have you." Mom said. It would be weird to have Pop's have a job, not being home and doing stuff for all those NYPD charities he's on the chair for. But. I feel bad for him, Pops definitely was not ready to retire. Maybe that's why he is chair for all those NYPD charities. Gotta fill in that hole and satisfy the craving somehow. "Eh, we'll see." I don't think he wants the job. But he doesn't want to admit it, for whatever reason. It's not like we're pressuring him to do the job, it's all him. We're not gonna be mad at him whichever way he decides to go. We honestly just want him happy. "So, Nicky, how did you like the Opera?" He asked. Aunt Erin took Nicky to the Opera, and she was begging me to take her place. And as much as I would have loved to take her place and go to the opera (come on, that would be absolutely amazing), Aunt Erin would not have it. She is still determined to do everything that she can to ensure Nicky does not become a cop. I kinda wish Pops had never brought it up. "More than I thought I would. More than Expressionist Art, I can tell you that." Aunt Erin rolled her eyes. "It's about exposure, not judgment." Aunt Erin told her. I looked at Nicky. "I'm so freaking jealous that you got to go to the Opera." I told her. Aunt Erin smiled. Nicky shook her head. "Not helping." She told me. I just shrugged my shoulders. I don't understand why she's being so freaking stubborn. Especially since she claims herself to being a liberal thinker, you'd think she'd be more open to the arts. I think she would be, too. Under different circumstances. Let's be real though, going to the Opera would be lit. My head was starting to feel very fuzzy. I rubbed my temples to try to get it to stop. Come on, just a couple of more hours, I told myself. I can make it. I know I can. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel really out of it, like, I'm here but at the same time, I'm not. I don't know if that makes sense but, that's the best way I can explain it. "So, I understand you are slammed with the Unions." Aunt Erin said to Grandpa, clearly trying to change the subject. "Yeah, the last time Sandy Klemmer wore a uniform was Cub Scouts." Grandpa said. "Oh, easy, Francis." Pops chuckled. "Well, he won't budge on anything, Pop, and our side's getting pressured to farm out nonessential duties. It's..." "Guys at the precinct are talking about cutbacks. Is that last hired, first fired?" Uncle Jamie interrupted. "I don't think you have to worry about losing your job, kid. The last thing either side wants is another lawyer on the streets." Dad said. I dropped my jaw and tried not to laugh. He's horrible sometimes! In a good way, if that makes sense. "Hey." Aunt Erin said, clearly offended, hehe. I hate to admit it, but that was funny. I wonder what would happen if Dad couldn't insult lawyers for a whole week; he'd go nuts, I'm sure of it. He doesn't mean it, it's all in good fun. Because even though he doesn't like admitting to it; he needs them. "I'm just saying..." Dad said. All departments that are under the state are being forced to cut unnecessary things out of their budget and according to Grandpa, everything that the NYPD has is necessary and cannot be cut out. This happens every now and then, and it usually turns out to be no big deal. I went to go make a snarky remark when suddenly my head was swimming. I could barely see, it felt like I was going to black out. I could barely comprehend my surroundings, and I could feel the blood pounding in my ear, and it was so loud. Mercy, I'm gonna faint! Uh oh, I'd better lie down, quick. "Hey, uh, Mom. C-can I please be excused?" I asked, clearly sounding out of breath. I could barely get the words out, my breathing felt labored. "Still not feeling good?" I closed my eyes and barely shook my head. Everyone talking to me sounded like I was underwater. Mom rubbed my back and said "Okay, sweetie. Why don't you go lay down on the couch?" She said. I pushed my chair back, tried to stand up, the world around me went black, and that was the last thing that I would remember for a while.
DANNY'S POV
As Eliza stood up to leave, she collapsed, full force, onto the ground. I mean she full on lost consciousness. She fell face first and cracked her head open. There was blood everywhere very fast. There was this ping in my chest the exact moment that I realized she was no longer conscious. It took everything in me not to scream when I saw the pool of blood spilling from her head. Yes, i'm used to seeing a lot of blood but, when it's your own child versus a total stranger, it feels completely different. Everyone was instantly on their feet, trying to get a good look at her. "Eliza!" Nicky screamed, freaking out. "Okay, everyone just stay calm." Linda said, I could tell she was trying to calm her shaking voice. I, on the other hand, was not being successful at staying calm. Of course I wasn't really trying, either. Linda can switch from Mom to doctor mode like a light switch, which really comes in handy at a time like this. It's times like this when I'm grateful that I married a nurse. Linda stood up and kneeled down by Eliza. I'm really glad that Linda is a very talented Registered Nurse and knows what to do. I couldn't think straight at all right now. I was trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I took in a few deep breaths, and went into cop mode so that I could calm myself. I can switch from regular person to cop like a light switch, which really comes in handy during times like this. The first thing that came to my mind was she was doing drugs. I know that's awful, but I'm a detective, I can't help it. "What happened to her? Why'd she faint?" Jamie asked. I was wondering the same thing. What happened to her? She seemed fine morning. Of course, maybe she was just faking that. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention to her. Arg, snap out of it. I gotta focus and stay calm. Way easier said than done, of course. "Okay, guys I need quiet." Linda said. She moved Eliza's air out of the way as best as she could, though the blood was making it stick to her face. She leaned her ear to Eliza's mouth, checking for breaths. I grabbed her wrist, checking for a pulse. "Okay, i-i got a pulse." I said, breathing heavily. I was relieved that she was still breathing, that's a good sign. But I was still terrified beyond words. I've never experienced anything like this with family before. I could feel the fear squeezing hard on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I could feel myself going into a panic attack, which was the last thing needed right now. I took in slow, deep breaths through my nose and let them out through my mouth. "She's breathing. Let's get her to the hospital now. Someone call 911!" Linda said. Dad whipped out his phone, and called them. I definitely couldn't call anyone, I could barely do anything at this point. I could barely think straight. I held Eliza's limp hand in mine, and brushed it with my thumb. It was so scary to look at her like this. It was the most paralyzing thing ever. "It's okay, baby. Help is on the way." I told her, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. It was taking every ounce of strength I had to not cry. I could feel the fear building up, the unknown slowly creeping in. Losing my brother was one thing, but if my daughter died, I don't know what I'd do, or how Linda and I would make it through. She's our only child, and she's a miracle. I felt so helpless, and I gotta tell you, that's not a feeling that I'm particularly fond of. I don't like situations where I'm not in control, ones where there's nothing that I can do. When I feel powerless, it's like my body goes numb and my head goes fuzzy. I looked at my hands, and they were shaking harder than I've ever seen them shake. I gotta breathe, and try to calm down. I have to believe everything will be okay, or I'll lose my damn mind. Mine and Linda's eyes locked, and we held hands, comforting each other. I needed to stay strong, for Linda's sake. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I also knew that I could do it. I am always amazed at her strength, and her ability to be calm and brave in a situation like this; I could tell she was freaked, but she was handling all of this really well on the outside, which was reassuring for all of us in this moment. I had all of these different thoughts and emotions going through my head, and I was trying to stay focused and sort them all out. My mind kept replaying in my head the moment my daughter fainted. It was like all of the sudden, she had an invisible weight on her neck that pulled her down faster than I've ever seen anyone collapse. I could feel everyone's eyes staring down on us, and I could hear Nicky crying. I felt bad for Nicky; I know her and Eliza are best friends (they've been best friends their whole lives. They do everything together), so I know this is just as scary for her. This is scary for all of us. I tried to tell myself that she would be fine; but she's never passed out before, so the truth was I didn't know. I didn't know anything. I closed my eyes, trying to not think of the worst case scenario that my gruesome, detective head made up, which is all my mind seems to know how to do. It felt like hours we were waiting for the paramedics to show up; I had never been more impatient in my entire life. "Where the hell are they?" I asked, thinking out loud. "They'll be here, son." Dad said. Well, they're not coming quick enough! God, don't they know this is an emergency? I mean, that's why we called them, didn't we? Because we have an emergency and we need them. This was seemingly taking forever, and the longer we waited, the bigger the butterflies in my stomach and the weight on my chest got. The longer they took, the more chance there was of my daughter getting worse; she's getting worse and worse by the second, I just know it. And I am not okay with that. I looked over at Linda, who was looking at Eliza. I wiped away the single tear that she let fall down her cheek, and she softly smiled at me. I rubbed her hand with my thumb, and tried to do that thing where you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, then let it out for 4 seconds. It's supposed to be very calming. For some people. I kept rubbing Linda's hand, trying to calm her down on the inside, trying to help her anxiety go down. Because I'm her husband and that's my job. We soon heard the sirens pull up. I have never wanted to see an ambulance so much in my entire life. Two EMT's rushed in with a stretcher. "What do we got here?" One asked. "She stood up and fainted." Linda explained. That breathing technique is so not working. "Okay. Has she been sick at all?" "She- she started to not feel good last night." Linda stuttered. I knew it. I knew she was faking being okay this morning. I can't believe she actually fooled me. One point to her. But that made me feel like a horrible parent; why was I not paying more attention? I'm so pissed off at myself. The fact that she was showing symptoms, and that she passed out, is not a good sign, obviously. And the fact that I missed all of that was beyond me. I could feel my heart racing, my blood getting cold and my forehead sweating. "What? She's been sick?" I asked. "Not necessarily sick, Danny. Just not feeling that great." Linda told me. Sick. Not feeling good. They're the same damn thing. "That is sick, Linda!* I said, my patience running thin, and my voice slowly rising. I know I'm no doctor, but, when people are sick, that's who they need to go see. Oh, my god. The level of fear that was in me was causing my chest to tighten and my heart to palpitate, my pulse was getting very high very fast. "Okay, let's get her on the stretcher." One of the paramedics said to the other. They put a neck brace on her, and slid the stretcher under her. I couldn't bear to look at her like that. I couldn't believe what I was watching. This felt like some horrible nightmare that I was ready to wake up from at any moment now. They began to wheel her out, and I ran after her. Linda put her hands on my chest. "Danny, Danny only one of us can go in the ambulance. Let me go, you can drive behind us." "Are you nuts? That's my baby!" There's no way I was going to leave her alone. As soon as I do, that's when something will go wrong, I can feel it. "She's mine, too!" Linda shouted. Dad squeezed my shoulder. "Let Linda go, son. We'll be right behind 'em." I was breathing heavy. I nodded. "O- okay." I stuttered. We kissed as she left. "Watch after our baby!" I called after her. Whenever Dad puts his hand on my shoulder like that and squeezes, it seems to magically calm everyone down. Okay, breathe, everything will be fine. I'll just ride to the hospital in my car, and then I'll be with my family and be able to look after my daughter and wife. "Nicky and I will stay behind and clean up the blood." Erin commented calmly. She always was the best out of us siblings at remaining calm during stressful situations. "Let's go. I can drive." Jamie said. "I'll call my car." Dad said. I rubbed my chin. "Oh my god..." I said, tearing up. I didn't know what to do, what to say. There were so many unknowns. "Don't worry, Danny. They got her." I turned to Jamie and looked at him in the eyes; his eyes looked so peaceful, so calming. This was the most scared I have been in a long time. And I felt out of control, which added to the anxiety and fear. I don't like being out of control. It's a Reagan thing. I put my arms around Jamie, and hugged him; I haven't hugged him in a long time, but I needed my brother. He hugged me back, and patted my back. My breathing sounded labored. "That's- that's my little girl." I said, my voice shaking. "I know. It's gonna be okay." Jamie reassured me. Which calmed me down a little, but I was still trying not to have a mental breakdown. I hope he was right. 15 long, agonizing minutes later, there was a honk. "Let's go." Dad said. And Dad, Jamie, Grandpa and I were were off. "Let us know what's going on!" Erin called after us. "Will do!" Grandpa said right as he shut the door behind us.
LINDA'S POV
We got into the ambulance, they took care of the wound first. They essentially just tapped gauze to it, which is all they are really able to do here. She'll probably get stitches when we get to the hospital. Not probably, she will. I know I'm used to seeing blood, I mean, I'm an E.R. nurse for God's Sake, but seeing that much blood come out of my own daughter's head, I could feel the blood drain from my face, and I almost vomited. Thank goodness I didn't though, we don't need two victims in the hospital. Her wound was smack dab in the middle of her forehead. In ways, it's a good thing that she's not awake, because I cannot even imagine the pain she would be feeling, or the headache that she would have if she were awake. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. I watched them patch up her wound, and I just wanted to jump in and do it myself, because I'm a complete control freak and having someone else take care of my daughter made me very, very uneasy. After that was all said and done, a paramedic immediately began taking Eliza's vitals. "You say she's been sick recently?" The EMT back with us asked. "Yeah, she's been feeling sick since yesterday afternoon." I responded. "When was the last time she ate?" I thought about it for a minute, ready to say at dinner. But then I realized that I had not actually seen her eat at dinner, so I have no idea. I felt a little panic, because I don't when I saw her eat last. And that's exactly what I told him. "You haven't seen her eat today?" I shook my head. "Alright." His voice sounded disapproving of me, like I was a bad parent because I didn't force her to eat. I thought she was eating in her own, she's a big girl. I may be a nurse, but I'm not gonna shove food down her throat. Danny? Maybe. Me? Absolutely not. He began to write down her vitals as he said them aloud. It's proper procedure to say it out loud, something about verifying them with yourself, as if you can't see them for yourself. "Temperature 99°." Okay, that's not bad. It's a fever, but very low grade. That made me feel a little better. "BP 50/30." I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I was suddenly feeling light headed, and I wanted to cry. That blood pressure is extremely, dangerously low. I couldn't believe it. I realized that she hasn't eaten in a while. Unbelievable, how did I not see this? How did I not realize that my own daughter wasn't eating? I tried to make myself feel better by telling myself that I was at work and she was at school. But that didn't work. "Blood Sugar 200." Damn. That blood sugar isn't good, either. Hey temperature was the only thing that was somewhat decent. "I'm gonna inform the hospital." He called to the driver up front. As he said this, I could see the fear in his eyes, and hear the unsteadiness of his voice, knowing that there was trouble ahead. I had to mentally and emotionally brace myself for whatever lied ahead. I rubbed my mouth and rested my elbows on my knees. I took in a deep breath, trying to clear my thoughts and not think at all, which is easier said than done. But, not thinking might help this stomach ache that I suddenly have, or this pounding headache that's blurring my vision and making my ears making everything sound like I was under water. He picked up a cell phone, and dialed. "Hi, this Austin Foresith; FDNY, truck number 42. I'm on my way with a 14 year old female patient, Eliza Reagan. Passed out and cracked her head open. I'm ready with her stats when you are. Okay." He repeated the stats to them. It was times like this I hated being a nurse, because I knew what those vitals meant; they meant Eliza was in trouble. I could barely stand to see her like this, and I felt absolutely helpless; I didn't know what to do. I tried to calm my breathing, but with no success; I was absolutely terrified. As time went on, the weight in my chest became heavier, slowly suffocating me as the inevitable creeped up. This is a whole new ball game for Danny and I, Eliza has never been in the hospital before, and she's never been in life threatening danger. We just have to stay strong; for ourselves and for Eliza. I knew that Danny was probably losing his mind, and so was I. I wish he could have been the ambulance with me, I needed him so much. I needed him to be by my side so that we could give each other strength and courage. But, I also knew that it would just be better overall if I went instead of him. Unlike him, I'll stay calm with the EMTs and tell them everything I could without losing my temper with them. That's one big difference between my husband and me; I don't lose my temper. At least not like he does. I just had to keep telling myself that I would be okay. I just kept thinking about what could have made Eliza so sick so quick. I mean, I know she hasn't eaten yet today but, that wouldn't cause her to pass out? Drugs? No, not Eliza. She's not that stupid. At least, I hope she's not. If they don't do a tox screen, I'll request one. As much as I don't want to believe that she would do drugs, she's a teenage girl, attending a Catholic school, in the middle of New York so, I can't rule anything out. I kept praying over and over again to God that he would heal my daughter and to help her get back to normal as soon as possible. I couldn't let my faith be shaken, I had to keep believing everything that I was raised to believe growing up; that if you stay faithful and pray even through the tough times, that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to turn out. Even though it's not always the way we want it to turn out. Oh, god. That did not help at all. It seemed that every time I tried to calm myself down and think of a comforting thought, it turned into a thought that made this whole situation terrifying. This is the kind of stuff that you hear about on the news and tv shows and stuff like that, I see it all the time in my E.R. But, I never thought that I would have to deal with this in my own personal life. I don't know how people get through this. It's scary as hell. I wish the hospital were closer than it is, I'm going absolutely nuts in this ambulance. I kept looking at Eliza; they had her hooked up to oxygen, they had that neck brace on her. Her eyes were sunken in, and her lips were a shade of blue. She looked lifeless and I was not handling it well at all. If she can just make it to the hospital, to where she can get more help, I fully believe that she will be okay.
DANNY'S POV
Dad, Grandpa, Jamie and I were on our way to the hospital, and for once in my life, I was speechless. My mind kept going back to the moment I realized Eliza was going to hit the ground, and then the blood flowing like a river. I wasn't able to process what was going on quickly enough to catch her from falling. I wish I had, though. I could have saved her a concussion. I didn't understand; had she been sick, had she been doing drugs? I wanted to believe that she was not doing drugs but, one thing I've learned being a detective is that us parents never really know what our kids are up to so, it is possible. The worst case scenario went through my mind; that she would be dead before we made it to the hospital, and I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her, just like I didn't get to say goodbye to Joe. Oh, God. I could not go through that a second time. Not again, never again. I was barely strong enough to get through that one time. Thinking about Joe dying and Eliza possibly dying, got me thinking about how similar those two were. Joe was the most ambitious person I knew, and Eliza is a close second. Joe had the biggest heart ever, and always helped people and backed them up, whether they wanted it or not. Eliza does the exact same thing; she always defends the people she loves and fights their battles for them, whether they want it or not. I was lost and deep in thought, then I was startled by my phone suddenly ringing. You know how when you get really scared, your chest hurts? I freaking hate that. I hadn't realized how deep in thought I was until that moment. I wish I could have just stayed that way; I felt less scared. I looked down to see who it was; Jackie. Shit, we were supposed to start the sting tonight. As much as I wanted to be able to be a part of this sting and take this sick son of a bitch down, I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to do them any good anyways; I would be too focused on my daughter back at the hospital on life support, hanging on by a thread and I was at the hospital when she died. They were just going to have to go forward without me, and I'll tell her just that. I sighed, rubbed my eyes, and answered. "Hey, Jack. Listen-" (Hey, Reagan. I'm on my way to your house. You ready?) "Jackie, listen; I can't go." There was a pause, and for a minute I thought she had hung up on me. Just as I was about to say her name again, she said (What the hell do you mean, you can't go? Look, I know you're not thrilled about this, but this isn't some play date, you can't just cancel.) Oh, hell no. She did not just go there. I know she usually has an attitude like this, it's the only way we're able to work together, but I can't handle it or put up with it today. I know that as soon as I tell her what's going on she'll understand and give me a pass. But, she wasn't letting me get a word in edgewise. I know how important it is to her that this sting is a success, so other girls can stop meeting this horribly inhumane end and, honestly, despite the way I've been acting, it's important to me, too. I'm sure if I ask Dad to, he'll have 50 other detectives to partner up with Jackie on the case. And that was going to have to be good enough. It's not like I'm the only detective who can run this operation. I just hope it's someone Dad trusts, because I don't want my partner in any danger. And if Dad trusts someone, I do: "Jackie..." (YOU'RE COMING REAGAN!) She shouted at me. Damn, she's never shouted at me like that, before. That was it, I had finally lost whatever patience I had, and snapped. "I am not! Eliza's in the hospital and she's more important than this stupid sting." I told her, then hung up. I sighed, and rubbed my eyes. Frustrated and terrified at the same time. Jackie is one of the few people on this planet that I never lose my temper with, but my sanity was a balancing act at this point. It wasn't my intention to yell at her, it just kind of happened. I hate myself for being so out of control right now. "Everything alright?" Jamie asked. I so badly wanted to say No, Jamie. Everything is not okay. I feel like the world is crashing down on me. My daughter is sick, I just lost my cool with my partner, and I feel like crying, which I don't feel like doing very often. I very rarely cry or even get the urge to, so that's how you know how bad this is. But, I didn't want to feel anymore vulnerable and low than I already felt, so, all I said was "Fine. The sting Jackie setup starts tonight." I was feeling so overwhelmed right now. I have got to figure out a way to calm myself down and distract myself until we get to the hospital (which, by the way, seems like it's a world away right now). "And you were supposed to be there?" I nodded my head, looking out the window. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone; nothing felt real. This was all one big nightmare. I hoped I was going to wake up from this nightmare soon, because I was afraid to see how it ends. I didn't want to see how it ends. My entire body felt numb. I looked down at my legs; they were clearly there and attached to my body, but I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel my arms either. What I could feel was the sweat dripping down my head. "You could go." Jamie continued. I slowly turned my head to him, and looked at him like he was nuts; because he was. He seriously thought that I was gonna leave my family when there was something wrong? Does he not know me? He's only grown up with me. I am not leaving Eliza. What part of that is so hard for everyone to understand? I'll be no good out there. And I just couldn't stand the thought of possibly being one of the last people to get updates on her, because everybody would be dealing with all the craziness and probably forget to call me, knowing my luck. Besides, a child does better when their parents are nearby. Maybe if Linda and I are there, she'll wake up sooner, with any luck. "What? What do you mean? I can't go." I told him. He shrugged his shoulders casually, like it was no big deal, and said "Only thing you'd be doing at the hospital is driving yourself, and the rest of us, nuts." I gave a wry chuckle, looked at him, and considered it; I suppose I would be doing more good at the sting than being at the hospital. And, it's true, I will be driving everyone nuts there; asking the same questions over and over again, pacing, and probably hitting the wall (literally). No doubt about it. Maybe I will go tomorrow, but I at least have to go to the hospital tonight, and go from there. I'll just see how Eliza is doing and what her condition is like. If it's really bad, I don't know if I'll be able to bring myself to leave. I'd feel so guilty for leaving. This day had gone from good, to bad, to worse within the span of a couple of hours, and all I could do was pray it didn't get any worse than this. Knock on wood.
LINDA'S POV
We arrived at St. Victor's a mere 10 minutes later, but my thoughts, and the gruesome scenarios that my mind came up with as a mom, and the anxiety of what was to come made it feel like the longest car ride of my life. The ambulance pulled up, and some nurses, friends of mine, were waiting to bring the Paramedics to an empty room. "Thank you." I said to the EMTs as I followed my friends and daughter in. They instantly ran back to the MRI machine, and I was following behind. I wanted to be right by Eliza's side the entire time. A child gets better quicker when their mother is close by, that's a fact. Plus, I thought that as soon as I leave her side, something bad would happen and I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her. No, I can't think like that. I have to believe that she's going to be fine. That she would wake up soon. I was almost into the room when my friend, Carlin, put her hand on my chest to stop me. "Linda, you can't go in there." She said to me. I slowly felt the tears well up in my eyes, building up and threatening to escape. Surely Carlin must have known that I was going to go with her. Unfortunately, with everything that was going on, I forgot that I'm not allowed back there. "P-please, please l-let me go in there." I stuttered. I was hoping that they would let me go back with her, since I work here and I'm well liked. I should have known better. Just because I'm a nurse doesn't mean that I can break the rules. Geez, I'm starting to act like Danny; thinking I'm an exception to rules (you better not tell him I said that. I'm serious). "Linda, honey-" "She's my daughter!" I shouted, losing my temper, which is very unlike me. But I was scared and confused and I didn't know how to express it at that moment. "And you know as well as I do that no one is allowed in there except the technician and the patient." The tears were fighting so hard, my tear ducts about to break, and I broke down crying. I know that that's true, but I just wanted to be by her side. I was honestly beside myself. I'm not used to being on this end of situations; the scared family member with no idea what's going on, just wanting to know whether my daughter will be alright. I'm so used to being on the other end; being the nurse with one of the first people with the updates, reassuring people that their loved ones will be alright, and offering a comforting, helping hand. So much so, that I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act and handle this. "Carlin, I'm begging." I said to her, in a last attempt to be with Eliza. "No. Go to room #3313 and wait. I'll watch over her treatment. I'll update every time I get something new." I knew there was no fighting her, no matter what I did, no matter what I said, no matter who I was, she would not let me be with Eliza. I wanted to be mad at Carlin, but I couldn't, she was just doing her job, and I'd have to convince Danny of that. So, I took in a deep breath, brushed my hair from my face, and walked to the room. I put my hands in fists and pressed them to my sides to stop them from shaking, but with no success. You would think, since this is my hospital, that I would instantly know where I'm going, but I walked around to find the room, but I missed it twice; because I sort of had other things in my mind. I just wasn't paying attention to my surroundings; I was drowning in my thoughts and fears. "Linda, are you looking for something?" My friend June asked. "Um, room #3313." I told her, sounding breathy. She pointed down the hall and said "Down the hall, take a left, first door on the left." She looked at me, confused. I'd explain it to her later, or she would find out eventually. So, I finally found it and sat down. My leg started fidgeting, and I just needed Danny to get here. Now. I needed my husband, so that we could give each other strength. I just needed the whole family here. I know that's what Eliza would want. And maybe, just maybe, they can take my mind off of things for a little bit. Doubtful, but, I guess you never know. I just couldn't believe all that had happened within just a few hours. I hoped we would get through this, and then never have to go through this again. This is putting so much stress on my heart, I don't know if I could go through this a second time. It does make me wonder when Eliza ate last, and if that's the cause, or if there's an underlying problem going on here. Thankfully, about a minute later, Danny came busting in. He put both of his hands on both sides of the door frame and looked around the room in a state of panic. I stood up to meet him, and try to keep him calm. "Where is she?" He asked, fighting to stop the tears threatening to escape, though I know he wasn't going to let them free. He was trying to be strong, but I wish he wouldn't. "She's getting an MRI." I told him. "What's that?" He asked, looking frightened and confused. "An x-ray of her brain, basically." I calmly explained to him. He nodded, seemingly calming down a little, and slowly walked over to me, clearly still trying to catch his bearings. He held me in his arms tight. This is just what I needed; I already felt calmer, my heart lighter. I knew now that whatever tonight held, all of us would come together, get through it, and make it out stronger. Danny pet my hair and kissed my head. We sat there, our breath labored, feeling the eyes of the rest of the family bearing down on us, all of us preparing for what was to come. "These long faces won't do anyone any good." Henry commented. I smiled, walked over to him, and grabbed his hand. Henry was right. Constantly worrying, and thinking of the worst was not doing us any good. If anything, it was making the situation worse. If we don't think positive, we'll be allowing this to destroy us. We need to be the way Eliza was before; she always, always managed to find the silver lining in any situation and helped others see the positive. "He's right. We need to stay positive." I told them. Jamie nodded in agreement. "It's what Eliza would want." He commented. I mean, it's not like she did this on purpose; she didn't do this to hurt or scare us. Even though she's unconscious, it's possible that's she's scared, too. Who knows? Danny put his hands on his hips, and pursed his lips together, and I could tell he was frustrated. He doesn't do well in situations where he's in the dark, none of the Reagan's do. I hated that we didn't know anything, and that we had been left alone. It left us time and room to let our minds wander, allow the fears to continue creeping in. I began to pace around the room; I just had to keep myself busy, try to keep myself distracted. Finally, after about 10 minutes of painful silence, we heard a female voice outside of the room, and I instantly recognized it as Carlin. I pushed the curtain open, and she turned to me. That's also when Erin and Nicky showed up. The look in Carlin's eyes was scared and weak. No. For the love of god, please. My baby girl can't be dead. "Carlin, please don't tell me..." I began, but she shook her head to cut me off. "She's not. The doctor thinks he knows what it is, but he has to be sure. This is going to seem like a weird question, but when did Eliza eat last?" Danny and I looked at each other, thrown off by this question. I was hopeful, maybe he had seen her eat. Because as I've established, I haven't. My first initial thought was that if she hasn't eaten for a few days, her body doesn't have the nutrients that it needs to function on it's own, and that's why she passed out. And, as scary as it is, all they would have to do is put those nutrients back into her body, and she would be just fine. "Just a couple of hours ago." Danny told her. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god. "Damn it." She said under her breath.
DANNY'S POV
I'm not sure what the nurse meant by asking that question, but it made absolutely no sense, and was totally irrelevant, and I was getting thoroughly frustrated. I turned to the family, and my eyes landed on Nicky; she looked anxious and was looking at the ground, and she was twiddling her thumbs together, which I knew for a fact meant she knew something that she was not letting on. Nicky knew part of the reason Eliza was in the hospital, but she was hoping she wouldn't have to say it out loud. "Nicky? Something you want to tell us?" I asked her, pushing her for the answer to the question that was on everyone's mind. She lifted her head, looking startled by my question (she had hoped no one noticed her behavior, but I think she forgets what her mother and I do for a living.) She shook her head unconvincingly. Thankfully, I'm not the only one who didn't buy her act. I'm pretty sure that no one did. All of us working together, one way or the other, the truth will come out. "Nicky?" Erin said slowly, pressing. "I-i promised I wouldn't tell." Nicky said, her voice shaking. I slowly lifted my head and licked my lips. I really didn't like secrets, which is pretty ironic, given my profession and the fact that I have plenty of my own. Alright, let me rephrase, I don't like it when my daughter and my niece keep secrets from us adults. I understand that she wants to be loyal and a good friend, but being a good friend isn't keeping secrets that puts someone in danger, it's loving them enough to tell the people who can help them. She needs to tell us now so that we can start getting Eliza better. "Hey, Nick; I know you wanna keep your promise, not break your cousin's trust but, what you know could help her get better quicker." Jamie said seriously. He always seemed to know the exact things to say, and how to say it, to get someone to speak up and tell the truth; no matter how much they didn't want to. Everyone except me, that is. Nicky took in a slow, deep breath. I could tell that she was trying to find the right words to say, but the anticipation was driving me crazy. My first thoughts were that Nicky was going to tell us that her and Eliza had experimented with drugs, and maybe Eliza did more than Nicky and that's why she's not sick. It would make sense. That would also explain why she was so hesitant to speak up; that would get them both in trouble. "We won't be mad at you." Linda reassured her. Which is true. Partly. We'd get mad at her for keeping a secret. And if they were doing drugs, she would get lit into about that. As a tear fell onto her cheek, she began to explain. "There's this guy at school she asked out, but... He told her she was too fat, and..." She trailed off, not wanting to let the next set of words out of her mouth, but I wasn't giving up that easily. "And?" I pressed her on. "Simply put? She hasn't eaten since Friday morning." I think I knew, deep down, that she was going to say something to that effect when she mention the guy. But when the words actually escaped her lips, I felt my stomach drop, it was unexpected; I felt angry, disappointed, and hurt all at the same time. How can Eliza not see how beautiful she is, and that that guy is not worth it? I'm angry that she would put herself in this much danger, and scare us all like this for a guy. I rubbed my mouth, and got so mad I kicked a wall. "Damn it!" I shouted. Linda put her hand on my back in an attempt to calm me down. I could feel my blood boiling, and the anger making its way throughout my whole body. This was unbelievable! As I shouted, we heard heals approach us, and we turned around and saw Sydney. She ran into Jamie's arms. "Syd, what are you doing here?" He asked, clearly shocked. I don't know why he seems so shocked. Sydney loves the girls like sisters. To be honest, I'm a little surprised she wasn't down here sooner. Granted, we have only been here like an hour. "Are you kidding, I bolted it over here as soon as I got your message. How is she?" She asked, looking at us all. "We're about to find out." He told her. I was breathing heavily, about to lose my temper. Again. Linda grabbed my shoulders and told me to calm down. "I can't calm down, babe." I told her. "I need you to try. Please." She said gently, her voice cracking slightly. How could I be expected to be calm when my daughter could be dying? Then Linda's friend, Carlin, cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. To be honest, I had completely forgotten that she was in the same room as us. This whole night, I've sort of felt like I've been in this, I don't know, fog, you know? It's all been kind of a blur and I've only been paying attention to important parts. "She's highly undernourished. So-" "Please don't say what I think your going to say." Linda interrupted her. Carlin took in a slow breath through her nose, and let out a shaky breath through her mouth. I looked between Linda to Carlin. They clearly have some unspoken nurse communication going on here. Looking at Linda's face, I knew that she knew what Carlin was going to say. The rest of us, we were completely in the dark. Carlin was clearly dreading having to tell us whatever it is she has to say. I took in a deep breath; this is not going to be good. "I'm so sorry, Linda. But we have no choice but to place her in a medically induced coma." Linda dropped to her knees, crying hysterically. I felt my heart stop, and the wind knocked out of me. "Okay, Linda, honey, let's go out to the lobby." Sydney said, she grabbed one of her elbows, and Erin grabbed the other and they pulled her up and out. "For how long?" I asked Carlin, in a barely audible whisper. "Until we've given her body enough nutrition that it can function on its own. Because right now, it cannot do that." I looked up at her, appalled. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If I thought my chest was tight before, it's nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now. So, what? Does she have brain damage? Is she brain dead? I didn't even know that you could be placed in a coma, I thought that was something that happened when you got really sick or hit your head. I knew what was going on with Eliza was bad, but I didn't want to believe it was this bad. What if she dies? What if she never wakes up? I don't want to have to live without my daughter. Some days, she's all that keeps me going when a case gets rough or... Or when I remember everything that I went through in Fallujah. When I think about all I saw and all I did, I look at my girls and, for the moment, everything feels okay again. "What? What do you mean, it can't function on its own? Does she have brain damage? What?!?" I asked, my voice rising. Dad put his hand on my shoulder. "Easy, there, son." He whispered. "Will she be okay?" Nicky asked, her voice shaking, and the tears coming. "Look, Linda is my friend, I'm not going to hide anything from you guys; we do not know the severity of what we're dealing with here, or if there will be any long term damage, yet. And we won't until we get more time." Carlin said. "How much time?" Jamie asked. "A week at the least." My heart dropped to my stomach, I couldn't wait that long not knowing if I was going to lose my baby or not. An entire week, I'll lose my mind. I mean, so much has changed in just a few short hours. Who knows how much can change in a whole week. "A week, are you serious?!" I shouted. "Danny..." Was all Jamie said. I sighed, rubbed my eyes, and quickly collected my thoughts. I couldn't take out my feelings on Carlin. She didn't do anything. She's the one who's being real and upfront with us, and there's nothing I respect more. I'm gonna have to remind myself to not lose my cool with the doctors, or at least try not to. Because they're the ones who will save my daughter, if she can be saved. I have a feeling that's a big if, though. "Take care of my baby." I begged Carlin, a tear escaping my eye. She nodded. "They've wheeled her into Intensive Care. I can take you back there." She said. I softly nodded my head for her to take us to Eliza's room. We arrived in the ICU, and walked to her room. We stopped outside the door, and looked in; Eliza was hooked up to a million different machines, and had one tube up her nose, and one going down her throat. It scared the hell out of me. It was one of the worst things i've ever seen, and that's saying something, because i've seen a lot in my time. Not a lot scares me, but this is. Scaring me. What are all of those tubes for? "What are those tubes in her nose and mouth?" Nicky asked in a panic, saying what I was thinking. Carlin gestured for us to follow her. She pointed to the one in Eliza's nose and said "this one helps with oxygen, so she doesn't get low, and this one," she pointed to the one going down her throat "is giving her body the nutrition it needs. I have to go, I'm sorry." "Thank you, Nurse." Dad said. She walked out of the room. I slowly shook my head, doing my best to swallow the tears, but one fell. "What if she can't get through this?" I asked, thinking out loud. "She will. She's a stubborn, pig headed person just like her old man." Pops commented.
LINDA'S POV
After learning that Eliza had to be in a coma, I fell to my knees crying harder than ever, and Erin and Sydney dragged me out. It's just, you never, ever think you're gonna get news like that. I deliver news like that, but, I've never received it. I honestly can't even explain what went through me. "I'm sorry." I said to them, my voice was shaking and I was wiping my tears. I hated that I broke down like that; I pride myself in having a cool head when things get rough. I was just completely and utterly shocked, and hearing those words was like lemon juice being poured on an open wound. "No, Linda, do not be sorry. I can't even imagine how you feel right now." Sydney said. I sat down in a chair, and rested my elbows on my knees. What I'm feeling is a mixture of anger and fear. I don't know what happened to Eliza after Joe died, but she never would have done this while he was alive; she was confident and loved who she was. No one decided her worth but her, and she didn't care about the opinions of others. When Joe died, all of that changed. But, still, I never could have imagined her self esteem issues going this far. And I just wanted my daughter back, you know? I feel like the day Joe died, we lost Eliza that day, too. It's like she's dead too, only in a less permanent way. "I-i just f-feel like the worst mother ever." I said, the waterworks coming again. Erin shook her head and rubbed my back. "You are not a terrible mother. You are a terrific mother, and if Eliza were awake she would tell you the same thing." Erin said to me. I'm not saying that Eliza thinks I'm a terrible mother, I truly don't believe that she thinks that. But, put yourself in my shoes; don't you think you'd feel the same way? I clearly have not given my own daughter the confidence she needs to be able to survive. I fully believe that you have to have a certain level of confidence in order to survive. I've done my best to teach Eliza body positivity ever since she was very young, hoping to prepare her for these years and how cruel kids can be, because I know they can be vicious. But, I obviously did not do a very good job. "Then why did she do this?" I asked, half shouting. Even though I knew why she did this. When you like a boy, you'll do anything to impress him. You'll go to whatever measures it takes to gain his love and acceptance (though, if you have to change yourself at all, he doesn't really love you. But, that's not what she wants to hear at all right now). I should know, I went on an extreme diet for Danny. Not because he told me or asked me to, or even implied that I needed to; but I was nothing compared to the other girls. The other girls were tall, with beautiful, shiny hair, perfect makeup and ideal body; I had none of that. Why would he pick me when he was such a popular ladies man and could have any of them? That must be what Eliza is feeling. My brain was going a million miles an hour. I was thinking so many different things at once and, to be frank, it was starting to give me a headache. "You remember what it was like to be a teenage girl. She wants to be loved and accepted by her peers." Erin told me. "But she's beautiful the way she is!" I said truthfully. But, I know that right now, this boy is the only one who will be able to get through to her. Grr, I am so mad. "She won't listen to us, only to her friends at this point. Come on, let's go see her." Sydney said. I nodded my head, and we got up and walked to the room. I knew Sydney was right. And plus, being mad at anyone isn't going to help or do any good. Right now, Eliza needs love and support, not anger. Even if she can't hear us at this moment. Who knows when she'll be able to hear us next? So many ifs and unknowns. When we walked into the room, I saw Eliza hooked up to all of the machines, and the wind was knocked out of me. My chest was being squeezed so tight, it felt like it might break. I think that's when it hit me what was really happening; this is real, Eliza is in danger and who knows what the next few days will hold. I said a little prayer in my heart; Heavenly Father, I do not know what's wrong with my daughter, or what's going to happen to her. But I just ask that you somehow let her know that we're with her, and please bring her back to us. In Jesus name, amen. "How long does she have to be like this?" I asked no one in particular. I was really just more of thinking out loud. "At least a week." Frank replied. "Oh, my god." I took in a slow, deep, shaky breath. How on earth could I be expected to wait a week in this thick black fog; all of this fear, the questions, having to wait who knows how long for updates. I can't take it. I understand now more than ever what families go through when I do this to them. It really makes me admire and respect my patients and their families a lot more. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the option you have left. And, right now, the only way I'll make it through this is by being strong. When things get rough, Eliza is always the one to stay strong and see the silver lining and help us all get through and, right now, that has to be me. If there's one thing that Eliza has taught me, it's that there is always a silver lining to any situation, sometimes you just have to really search for it. "Let's give them some space, people. We'll be in the lobby." Henry said, and they all left us alone. I didn't necessarily want them to leave, you know, I need my family right now. But, it's probably a good thing right now for Danny and I to be alone and really just process what's going on. Danny and I put our hands around each other's waist, and stared at our daughter lying in that bed, motionless. I wanted to cry, I've never seen her look so weak and so vulnerable. I just, I don't think of her as weak like that; she's one of the strongest people I know, next to her father and, just seeing her in this state is absolutely heartbreaking. What's really important right now is that my husband and I pull together and get through this. If we stay by each other's side, I know we'll be okay. "What are we going to do?" Danny asked in a barely audible whisper. I looked over at him, and I could see the tears filling his eyes. I wish I knew what I could say that would bring him some comfort and/or some peace of mind, but, I'm not sure that anything can be said in a situation like this. What are you supposed to say to your spouse when your child is in a coma? What could you possibly say that would be comforting and calming? "Well, what we can do is; we can stay positive." That really was the only thing we could do at this point. What was really important is that we didn't allow ourselves to break down, because that would just make things worse. If we break down or we allow ourselves to let our minds wonder, it will destroy us and blow this whole situation way out of proportion. If that's even possible. He shook his head, and i could hear him swallow the tears. He is trying so hard to be strong, and I'm thankful for that. If I saw him break down, I would definitely lose it. That would just show us all what a bad situation this is, is if he started to cry. Just because Danny doesn't cry, I can't remember when the last time I saw him cry was. He shook his head and said "What if she doesn't pull out of this?" I put my hand on his chest and said "Danny we're not even gonna think like that right now, okay?" Even though he was saying what I was also thinking; what if we never see our daughter alive again? What if we'll be going to another funeral soon? Damn it! I can't believe this is really happening. I felt my hands begin to shake, I looked down at them, and I've honestly never seen them tremble so bad. It looks like I've had a lot of coffee. I pressed them against my side in a pathetic attempt to get them to stop. We were startled by Danny's phone ringing (we were both just so lost in thought). He pulled it out and looked at who was calling. "It's Gormley." He sighed. "Yeah, Sarge?" He answered. "Fine. Look, I'm gonna have to take some personal time, okay, Sarge? Yeah, bye." He hung up. I kind of expected him to take some personal time off, but, he doesn't have to. He's a cop, not a doctor, he'll do more good working than he would sitting around here and doing nothing. Because doing nothing is the one thing that Danny can't do. He has to have something to occupy his mind and take up his time, he has to stay busy, which is something he in our daughter have in common; they both have so many talents and different skills that they can do, but they cannot sit still and do nothing. It's annoying sometimes, I can't lie. "What was that about?" I asked him. "Wanted to know how Eliza was." "How did he know she was in the hospital?" "I told Jackie, Jackie must've told him." I sighed. Danny doesn't take personal time off. I actually can't remember the last time I saw him do it. He doesn't normally like to do it. It's really hard for me to watch him struggling so much. I mean, he's my best friend and my partner in this crazy adventure called life and I want to be able to help him in anyway that I can. This isn't easy for either us, you know and, I just couldn't imagine having to go through something like this if he wasn't by my side. You know, he's such a rock for me, and for this whole family, really. I don't know if it's because of all he's been through or what, but, he really knows how to stay strong during tough situations and he's the most resilient person I've ever known. I know that whatever happens will bring us closer together and make us stronger. "You didn't have to do that." I told him. "Do what?" He asked, as if he had no idea what I was talking about. I raised my eyebrows at him. He sighed, rolled his eyes and turned away from me. "Yes, I did." Danny started rubbing my back. I hope, for his sake, that he ends up going to work anyways. Because he needs his job, especially when things get tough at home, and that's not a crime. "That kid is toast." He said. I mean, I'm mad this kid, too, but, what good is being pissed off going to do? If anything, it'll make things worse. He's looking for someone to take his anger out on and that kid is an easy target for him. "Danny, being angry is not going to fix anything." "Well, I am mad!" I shouted. "Are you mad at the boy, Eliza, or yourself?" I asked him. There was a long, heavy, and tense silence. He stared deep into my eyes, as if trying to read in my face what I meant. I took in a deep breath and said, "Because let me tell you, I'm mad at myself. I did my best to give our daughter the confidence she needs." He put his hands and his hips and nodded his head once and said "Yeah, and I thought she had it." He raised an eyebrow quick, disappointed, and continued. "She had me fooled." "I think she had everyone, even herself, fooled." I told him. When people tell a lie enough, whether that be to other people or to themselves, they start to believe it. Eliza has such a way about her that everyone thinks that she's this super confident person, and, because others believed it, she believed it. And honestly, she should believe it. Danny wiped his tears away, and we held each other for what felt like forever, giving each other strength.
DANNY'S POV
It was Monday, now. 6 more days to go. Nicky had gone to school, Dad, Erin, and Jamie had gone to work, and Pops had gone home. Linda had gone to get some food, and I was sitting on Eliza's bed, right next to her. I took some personal time off so that I could be with her, because I don't want her to be alone right now. I held her hand, though it was limp in mine, lifeless. I chuckled and said "I am so gonna kick your ass when you wake up. Your Uncle Jamie might help me." I was hoping that if I made a joke, she would wake up. She's not a very serious person, hates tense moments, and uses humor to help herself through rough times. I was hoping for something, anything, that would tell me that she could in fact hear me. But, I got nothing. I shook my head, closed my eyes, and slowly lifted my head towards the sky. I thought back to the day we found out we were having a little girl. Linda and I were so excited; and even though we knew there was gonna be a lot of challenges and difficulties ahead, we could hardly wait to be parents to a girl. When we told the family the gender, the first thing Joe said is that he prayed for her sake she looks more like Linda than me. I scoffed, he was such a dick sometimes. But, I did agree with him, I definitely hoped she would look more like her mother. And she does, she's beautiful. But she does have my eyes. And they are piercing. Those eyes are what got me wrapped around that little girl's finger in the first place. When she looks at you with those eyes, it feels like everything is gonna be alright. I really wish she could look at me now, more than ever. My phone rang, bringing me back to the present; it was Jackie. I stood up to answer it, I don't know why. I just did. Maybe it was because I've been sitting down for so long, gotta stretch my legs. "Hey, Jack." (Reagan, listen. I know you're having a hard time with Eliza. But, we could really use your help in the sting tonight. You up for it?" As much as I wanted, needed, to stay at the hospital with Eliza, all I was doing was driving myself, and everyone else, nuts. I bet Linda asked her to do this. And, a small part of me was grateful. The thought of leaving my daughter right now was an absolutely terrifying thought; what if she dies and I wasn't here until the very end? I don't get to say goodbye to her? I just want her to know that I'm here for her, you know? I love her and I wanna be here to protect her. "I'll call you right back." I told Jackie as Linda walked back into the room. She set the food down on the table, and we stared at our daughter. I scoffed. I'm gonna go help Jackie with the sting, I'm gonna go do what I do best and put some bad guys away. I'm mad at myself for leaving, but I can't lie, it felt good to have that tingly feeling that comes with busting people again. "I-I think I gotta go, babe." I told Linda. "I know." She said. I shook my head, and quickly looked down at the ground. I felt anger towards myself for leaving, but knew that if Eliza were awake, she'd tell me to get the hell out of here and go do what I love. She'd probably word it exactly that way, too. I know I probably shouldn't go, but, I'm going to, anyways. Honestly, I should have known that I wouldn't take more than a few days off of work; I get restless. "It's okay, Danny. There's nothing you could do here except drive yourself crazy, anyway." Linda said. I nodded my head. I think we've all made that perfectly clear. I walked over to Eliza, grabbed her hand and rubbed it with my thumb and said "don't you go anywhere, baby girl. I'll be right back." I kissed her forehead. My heart felt so much heavier, though I can't say it was heavier than it had ever been. I'm pretty sure my heart was heavier when Joe was killed. Still, the level of guilt I felt was numb and paralyzing. I couldn't believe I was leaving but, now that I agreed to help, I couldn't bring myself to stay. I just hope that I can leave and, by the time I get this taken care of, Eliza will be okay. Then I walked over to Linda, grabbed her face in my hands, rubbed her cheeks with my thumbs, kissed her forehead, and said "Take care of our baby." I whispered. She nodded. I don't know which I felt worse about, leaving my daughter or leaving my wife. But, at least I'm not leaving her alone; the family will be there for her and help her through while I'm gone. And, I'll spend whatever time I'm not working here, until Eliza can walk out of here on her own two feet. I turned to leave, and as I reached the door, I turned back to look at my daughter one last time. I felt the tears choking in my throat, and I swallowed them hard. And then I left. If I stayed there much longer than I probably would have started crying, and I didn't want to cry. I didn't wanna break down in front of my family, show them how scared I was. I just didn't wanna admit that I was scared out of my mind. I went to the hotel, up to the room number, and walked into the command center. "Hey, thanks for coming." Jackie said. I looked at her, and felt bad for going off on her the other night. None of this is her fault. I know that I shouldn't have gone off on her, but, I was just so scared, you know? I was scared and tensions were high and I wasn't focused. But, now's not the time to apologize. Now is the time to finally get my head in the game and catch this son of a bitch. Well, sons of bitches. I definitely think there's more than one bad guy here. "Yeah. What've we got so far." Jackie shook her head, clearly irritated. "Nothing." She said, growling slightly. "Alright, well, let's hope for better luck tonight." I sighed. "Please." Jackie begged. I could tell that she was exhausted and beyond frustrated; clearly their level of success has been non existent. I honestly didn't think that this sting would work, but, did anyone listen to me? No, of course not. I'm just way too overprotective and this needed to happen. She looked thoroughly disappointed in herself. "Hey, we'll get this guy. I promise." I told her. I don't care what it takes, we will catch them. And honestly, now that I'm here, things might run a bit smoother. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm really good at running stings. She gently nodded her head. I gave her a gentle nudge. I'm not sure what's gotten into her; she's the most positive, optimistic partner I have, she never gives up or loses hope this fast. She's got this upbeat attitude that helps the rest of us keep going. Of course, I haven't been in the loop recently so, who knows? Jackie went back to her hotel room; and guy after guy showed up. Even a Congressman. A Congressman whose campaign was family values. Family values my freaking ass. Every single one of the guys made me sick. I just don't understand why you would pay for something like this. I mean, is it really that hard to go out and find yourself a nice girl? I did. Of course, no one will find as good a girl as I did. But, it sure beats the hell out of paying to have sex with a girl who's had sex with a million other guys. I don't know who has less self respect; the girl or the guy. Anyways, this went on for 2 days. Even though skuzzball after skuzzball showed up and I wanted to lock their asses up, unfortunately, it's not illegal to be a skuzzball and we had to let them go. Though, Jackie seriously had too much fun messing with the Congressman. She so badly wanted to arrest him, and I did, too. But, as I said before, we couldn't. During the day, I was at the hospital. I continuously talked to her as if she could hear me, we all were. I did my best to just carry on a normal conversation with her, talk to her like I would anyone else any other day. Trying to act like everything was okay was really wearing me down. The rest of the family took turns being at the hospital with Linda, Eliza and I, and I really appreciated it. We were hoping that one of our voices would pull her out of this. We even asked different friends to come and visit but, nothing. The whole family was all taking this pretty hard. But, in typical Reagan style, the men were putting on a tough exterior. We just don't really like showing emotion. I don't know when that started but, I know I've been like that for as long as I can remember and Dad and Grandpa have been like that my whole life. We're not those kind of people that say men can't show emotion and men aren't allowed to cry, we just don't like to. That's all. When I left the hospital today, there was still no change in Eliza's condition. I was hoping to be able to leave the hospital in a good mood but, not yet. It honestly felt like time had stopped, the world had stopped moving. All I wanted was some good news. Whether that be my daughter waking up or then telling us that she's doing better. It was now the 3rd night into the sting, and we have had absolutely no luck whatsoever, nothing. I really thought that we would have caught this clown by now. About 6 hours with no luck (it was now 5am the next morning), I was about ready to call it quits and shut down for the night. My vision was starting to go blurry, and whatever energy I had left was completely depleted. We'll hit it fresh tomorrow. Which, by the way, is the last chance we've got, then this sting is shut down completely and, who knows what our chances of getting the guy we want drops to? I was so frustrated and angry; I don't wanna let this one slip through the cracks. Then, at the last second, another man showed up. And I had a feeling deep in my gut that this was our guy. He looked like he about 18 at the oldest, a little young for a serial killer. I told you guys, I don't think he's working alone. We're gonna bust this little operation and shut it down in its tracks, I just know it. Jackie, however, had lost all patience and was no longer being "sexy". Come on, Jack. Just kept up the act for a few more minutes. I know she's tired and frustrated and I am, too. But, we did not come this far to only come this far. We are seriously so damn close, we can't give up, now. He knocked on the door, and she answered the door. "Listen, kid, I got a headache. Why don't you just go home?" "What are you doing, Jack? This is our guy, I know it." I whispered to myself. I was on the edge of my seat. I felt like I was watching the season finale of one of my favorite shows, praying it wouldn't be the worst cliffhanger known to mankind. "But, but we had a date." The guy said. "Look, kid. Go home. Get yourself a nice girl in the neighborhood." Then, out of nowhere, someone appeared behind Jackie, and jammed something into her neck. "Let's go!" I shouted. And me and ESU ran to Jackie's room and kicked down the door, with guns blazing and ready to go. The two perps flipped around when they heard us, and I couldn't believe my eyes; the mother of the first victim was the one who injected the victims with the Opioid. How could any parent, no matter what they did, kill their own child? How does she live with herself. I can't wait to see her in cuffs, behind bars. She's gonna end up being somebody's bitch in the joint, and she deserves it. "Your own daughter? You killed your own daughter?" I asked her, absolutely horrified and disgusted. This has got to be one of the most disturbing cases I have ever worked. "No, you don't understand. My son and I, we saved them. God is going to welcome them back. You would have done the same thing. There has to be a reason the cops are here." "It's a test mother, He's testing our faith." Her son replied. It's official, they're nutjobs. Ugh, God better save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work. "Actually, we're here because the women you just tried to take out is a Detective. My partner. You're both under arrest for 3 accounts of murder in the 1st degree, and 1 account of attempted murder. And I could never dream of hurting my daughter, no matter what she did. Cuff 'em and get 'em out of here, and call a bus!" I walked over to Jackie and tried to wake her up. Her eyes were all sunken in, and she looked horrible. I felt so mad at myself for not running in sooner, even though we did have to catch them in the act in order for us to be able to arrest them. Still, this is exactly why I did not want Jackie to be the one to do this. I lightly shook her. "Jackie. Jackie, wake up. We got the bastards." She smacked her lips, slowly turned her head towards me and opened one eye and said "Danny?" Groggily. Her voice was all scratchy and you could tell she wasn't fully alert and aware of her surroundings. We gotta get her to the hospital. "I gotcha." I told her, holding her in my arms, keeping her safe until the paramedics arrived. Did we-did we catch the son of a bitch?" She asked. I chuckled. "Yes. And I'll explain everything later. Right now, let's get you back to you again." She slowly nodded her head and tried to fall asleep, but I wouldn't let her. I couldn't let her. Not until I knew she was okay. The bus came, and I rode with her to St. Victor's.
LINDA'S POV
I was sitting on Eliza's bed, just thinking. Thinking about how I thought she told me everything, but obviously not. Is there anything more I could have done? Anything I could have said? As a mother, I blame myself; I want to believe that I could have prevented this from happening. Even though I know I can't protect my daughter from everything, I feel like I could have protected her from this. I'm definitely watching her more closely to make sure food actually enters her mouth when she gets out of this. If she gets out of this... I started crying. I prayed to God that He would bring her back. I feel so frustrated with myself for not seeing that there was something off before. How did I not notice that she was struggling? Fortunately or unfortunately, however you chose to look at it, Eliza is like her father and has just about the best poker face ever. It's frustrating because when those two want to hide something, they can do so better than anyone I've ever known and, if they don't want to talk about something, getting them to actually open up is like pulling adult teeth. I can understand where Eliza felt embarrassed, or maybe she was worried that I would get mad at her, but she shouldn't have been. Not with me, she knows better than that. I'm going to be having a serious talk with her when she wakes up. I need to get firm with her. "Hey, Aunt Linda." Nicky said gently. I turned around, and she had her hand in her back pockets, wearing a gentle smile. The rest of the family walked in. "I can only stay for a little bit, I'm afraid. Busy day at the office." Frank said. "That's okay, I'm glad you're here." I told him. "Have you eaten?" Erin asked. I took in a deep breath. Ironically, I couldn't even think of eating, right now. I've hardly eaten the entire time Eliza has been in the hospital, which is a bit hypocritical, I know. But, my stomach has just been in sickening knots. I just haven't really been able to. "I'll get something later." I told her. "Pastrami sandwiches coming up." She said smiling, and left. Those actually sounded amazing and I'm so grateful. As Erin left, the doctor walked in. "Oh, good. I'm glad you're all here." He said. It was a new doctor, Dr. Carmen. "I want to tell you guys that Eliza is actually doing better than we expected, and we're going to try waking her up tomorrow." "2 days early?!?" Nicky asked, practically bouncing. I was beaming from ear to ear, and my heart felt a million times lighter. I couldn't believe this, this whole time I thought that she hadn't really been improving at all, and I was going nuts. And now to hear that she's actually doing better, and they think that they'll actually be able to wake her up sooner? I gotta tell you guys, there is not better feeling than that. I was smiling so hard it was hurting, and I was out of breath, for the right reasons. "Yes. She's a fighter, that one." Dr. Carmen told us, chuckling. Well, we know that, we've known that since the very beginning; she was fighting for her life then and she's fighting for her life now. You guys, I just seriously cannot even explain how beyond thrilled I am. She's gonna be okay! All of those hours spent crying and worrying myself to death were totally useless. Granted, I knew they were, but, that doesn't mean I was able to stop it from happening. "Tell us something we don't know." Pops said. "She's definitely her father's daughter." I said. "And her mother's." Frank said. I smiled softly at him. We're not completely out of the woods, yet but, we may as well be. Dr. Carmen nodded and walked out. "Guys, can I have a minute alone with Eliza?" Nicky asked. "Absolutely." I said. And we all walked out.
NICKY'S POV
Everyone left, and I felt so empty. Alone. Scared. And angry. More angry at myself than I was at Eliza. My Mom raised me to always go to a trusted adult if one of my friends was in danger, and instead, I kept a promise, kept my mouth shut, and put my best friend in more danger than ever. What if she doesn't pull out of this? What if we lose her? Oh, god. No. I knew this was a terrible idea from the get-go. I mean, what on earth made her think that this would work? I looked at Eliza, all of the things she's hooked up to; the oxygen, the feeding tube. This was my first time alone with her. I shook my head, and broke down crying. "Why? Why would you make me keep this promise, Eliza?" I asked, my voice slowly rising. "No, actually, why would you do this in the first place? Brian Moore is not worth this. NO ONE is worth this. I love you, Eliza, and you are so beautiful. God!" I was screaming at her; I was mad at her, and mad at myself for not going straight to Uncle Danny and Aunt Linda as soon as I found out what she was trying to do. I know that what's done is done, and that there's nothing I can do about it now, but, I still feel so so guilty. What kind of friend and cousin am I for letting her go through with this? I just sat back and watched and didn't do anything. How am I supposed to forgive myself for that? I was now crying hysterically, hiccuping and trying to catch my breath. I don't think I've ever cried so much or so hard in my entire life. She just looks so weak and vulnerable, and I don't think of her like that. She's like a big sister to me and to me, she's the strongest, most resilient person I've ever met and so seeing her like this has really knocked the wind out of me. "Please wake up. Please." I said, in a barely audible whisper. I begged her, knowing fully well that she couldn't hear me. I slowly walked over to her, sat down by her, and held her hand. "You're my best friend, Eliza. You can't leave me." I kissed her cheek. This is stuff that I've seen on movies and TV shows, or heard about on the news, but I never could have imagined that it would be something I would have to experience firsthand. I don't know how people do this; this is hell on earth. I swear to god, if something goes horribly wrong and she doesn't wake up, I don't know how I'll make it through. Who am I kidding? I won't make it through if she doesn't. She's the one I go to to vent, to get advice or if I'm feeling down. I'm telling you, no one can pick you up when your feeling down better than this girl, no matter what she says. She always has the right thing to say. Uncle Jamie walked into the room, and kneeled in front of me. I shook my head, really freaking disappointed in myself. "I should have said something sooner." I whispered. He rubbed my knee. "I know you're mad at yourself but, you can't change the past." I know that's probably supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn't. It makes me feel worse! I don't need to be reminded that I didn't make the right decision, that what I did was probably just as stupid as what Eliza did, because I know that. I still hope that she can forgive me one day. Someone has to, right? "Come on." Uncle Jamie said, and he placed his hand on the small of my back and led me back to the waiting room. Honestly, I'm glad he took me away, because I'm not sure how much longer I could stand seeing her like this. I hope this nightmare comes to an end soon.
JAMIE'S POV
After I walked Nicky out to the waiting room, I asked if it would be alright if I had a minute alone with Eliza. I've been working so much to try to keep my mind off of everything that I haven't been able to be alone with her like the rest of the family has. I wanted to talk to her, hopeful, like the rest of the family, that I could say something to wake her up. "Of course." Linda said gently. Of course, I didn't expect her to say no but, I still wanted to ask. "Thanks." I stood up to leave. "Jamie?" Erin said softly. I turned to face her. "Kick her ass." I chuckled weakly. "Oh, I'm planning on it." I wish she was awake so that I could kick her ass. I'm not mad at her, but I'm very disappointed in her; I thought she was above leaving it to other people to decide what she's worth. I just can't believe how cruel and belittling kids can be. It's no wonder our youth suicide rate has gone up so much. These kids, they just don't think before they speak and act and get off on tearing each other down. I walked into her room, and sat down by her bed. At first, I didn't really know what to say. What can you say in a situation like this? Especially when I'd basically only be talking to myself. I put my hand on her leg. "You know, I wish you were awake. We need to have that Mau (it's a card game) rematch that you've been talking about." I chuckled. Still nothing. I sat there thinking. It's honestly really remarkable how powerful words are, and how much damage they can do. That's why us adults have stressed to Nicky and Eliza to use their words to lift others up and make their day better, not hurt them. No one deserves to be bullied, especially not to the point where they put themselves in the hospital. I scooted closer to her, and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. I felt like crying. I've never wanted to say this to anyone, because I don't want Nicky to feel bad. Because don't get me wrong, I love Nicky so much, and I'll protect her, have fun with, and love her just as equally as Eliza. But, I feel really close to Eliza. And maybe that's because her and Joe were so close. Joe and I, we were best friends so, we all really bonded over each other. I remember the pain I felt when he died, how I wanted to close everyone off. I felt like this huge chunk of my heart went missing and there was a hole in my life. I tried to build this wall around my heart to avoid ever getting hurt again. But, Sydney and Eliza wouldn't let me. They kept working with me so that I wouldn't change who I am for the worse. Eliza forced me to talk about what was going through my head, when I didn't really want to. She really helped me to sort out what was going on with me and organize my thoughts. Even though I didn't want to talk about it, talking about it was really helpful because I wasn't keeping everything all bottled up inside of me. I gently ran a finger along the IV that was in her arm, and it made me shudder and sick to my stomach. Even though this is scary as all hell, I know, deep in my bones, that she's gonna make it through this, because she is strong enough to. You know, when I held Eliza when she was first born, I knew I was holding someone very special and very strong. Despite what she thinks, she's the strongest person I've ever met. Even after she wakes up from this, she's still got a long and hard journey ahead. But if anyone can get through this and take it with grace and dignity, it's her. She has not been the same since Joe died, and it's really hard to know that she felt she needed to do this. I just don't know what happened to her, but it needs to be reversed or something, because she cannot keep living like this. I mean, no one can live like this. I'll help her in anyway that I can. "Eliza, look. I know things have been really hard on you since Joe died but, you know he wouldn't want us to be like this. Shut out. He'd want you to talk to us. Please. You are the person in the family who is the comic relief. You know just what to do to get everyone laughing and smiling again. That's pretty amazing." I've always admired that about her; the fact that she can always put a smile on your face, even if she's upset. I know that Joe would want her to find a way to be okay, she needs to find a way to be okay, or else who knows what'll happen to her? I just don't want her going down one of those dark paths that's nearly impossible to come back from. I care about her too much to see her destroy her life. I leaned in closer to her, and whispered in her ear "you never gave up on me, and I am not giving up on you. No matter what you think, no matter how long it takes." I gently kissed her cheek then left.
DANNY'S POV
Once we got to the hospital, I made sure Jackie was settled in and went to Eliza's room. I was really happy that Jackie and Eliza were in the same hospital. It sure made things easier on me. I was in a really good mood because I won this case and, in all reality, Jackie is alright. This sting worked when I didn't think it would, I was wrong. But I will never tell Jackie that because she'd never let me live it down. Everyone was in the waiting room, except for Dad. PC duty called. He's definitely been keeping himself busy since Eliza ended up in the hospital, and he has absolutely no problem with that. I walked up to my wife and hugged her and kiss her. I felt really calm and happy, and I just really hope it lasts. Basically, I hope that there's no bad news tonight. "Hey, did I hear Jackie's here?" Linda asked when I walked in. "Boy, word sure travels fast around here." I commented, taking off my jacket and getting comfortable, getting ready for another long night. "How'd it go, tonight?" Jamie asked. Tonight left me with such a friggin headache, that's what happened. And I can only imagine how the rest of the family is gonna react. "Long story short, the mother and brother of the first victim did all of this to 'bring the girls back to God' or something like that. The Mom injected Jackie with opioid. That's why she's here. We arrested them tonight." Jamie and Erin both rolled their eyes, and Linda and Nicky looked disgusted. About the reactions I was expecting. Pops nodded. "Good work, Detective." He smiled at me. "Thanks, Grandpa." I am so happy that this is all over, and I pray that everything goes uphill from here. This has definitely been one of the most mentally and emotionally exhausting weeks of my life. Actually, it's also been very physically exhausting because I've barely slept a wink because I've been worried sick to my stomach. I can't wait to get some shut eye. "Uncle Danny," Nicky began. "Yeah?" I said. "When your daughter wakes up, I'm gonna beat her." We all laughed. "You'll have to get in line." I told her, scratching my nose. We all want to kick her butt for putting herself in so much danger and scaring the hell out of all of us. And I think, due to everything that's going on with her right now, she needs to know that we all love her and care about her enough to light into her. She needs to know that she's worth that. "I think the last thing Eliza needs is people mad at her when she wakes up." Erin commented. "I disagree. I think that's exactly what she needs. To know we care enough to get upset with her." Grandpa said. Thank you, Gramps. I knew he'd be on my side with this. We sat in silence for a minute. I actually fully agree with him. Eliza needs to know how bad this hurt all of us. So that she knows that we do care. "The, uh, the doctor's want us to keep talking to her." Linda told me. "She can hear us, yet?" I asked, hopeful and a little excited. Were we finally getting somewhere with her? "They're not sure. They just want us to try. See if she responds. You know, change of vitals, muscles jerks, something like that." Erin said. Well, I've got a few ideas up my sleeve to try to get something out of her, but, I'd rather be alone to do it. Just because I'm going to be getting super mushy and I don't like doing that in front of people. And she doesn't count right now because she's out like a light. "Guys, could I have a minute alone with her?" I asked. They all nodded, and I walked to her room. I paused at the door, my stomach still churning at the sight of her. I looked away for a minute to gain my composure. I took a few deep breaths, and I sat down by her on the bed. I didn't know what to feel. One thing's for sure, I felt fear. I don't like admitting to people when I'm afraid, I like to keep it all in. Whenever I'm afraid, of how a case would turn out, or anything, Eliza and Linda make me happy and calm me down. It breaks my heart knowing that my daughter can't do that right now. I will never be able to wrap my head around the fact that she did this to herself, and to all of us. I don't think she realized that this decision would affect us as well, otherwise, I don't think she would have done it. I know it's selfish of me, but I cannot watch myself lose a child. I can't. I lost my brother, and I thought that destroyed me. If I lost Eliza, it would tear me to pieces. I shook the thought from my mind, pulled myself together, and I began to talk to her. "You know, I will never understand why you did what you did. That guy is a scumbag, and there's no guy that's worth that. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on, next to your mother. Now, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking I have to say that. But I don't have to say a damn thing. I love you so much. I know that things have been pretty rough for a while now and, you're just like your old man; you feel like you need to talk to someone, but don't want to be emotionally vulnerable." I did my best to stay positive, but I just couldn't. How can you stay positive in such a crummy situation? She always manages to do it, and I seriously have no idea how. I took in a shuddered breath, and tried to swallow the tears. Oh my god. I couldn't stop looking at her; it was like a car crash. Horrible, but I couldn't look away.
MY POV
I could hear everything that was going on around me, but I couldn't react. It's been like that for who knows how long. I didn't mean to put my family through this; I had no idea that one little diet could be so harmful. All I wanted was to gain acceptance and be beautiful. I never could have imagined that this would all go downhill so incredibly fast. Well, I've definitely learned my lesson; this will never happen again. I can only imagine how mad my family will get at me when I wake up. Suddenly, all I could see was white everywhere. I looked around, it was like I was in the freaking Twilight Zone or something. I tried not to freak out, but I had no idea what was going on. There was just nothing anywhere. "Hello?" I called out, even though I couldn't see anyone anywhere near me. I was about to start walking when I saw a figure walking towards me, but it was too far away to see who it was. I slowly and very cautiously walked towards it, careful to stay far enough away in case I ended up needing to run. When it got closer, I realized who it was; my Uncle Joe. But, how could that be? That's impossible. He's dead. Oh crap, does that mean I'm dead? Oh, no. I really hope not. This whole thing took a turn that I never even saw coming. "J-Joe?" I called out hesitantly. My chest felt so tight, and I didn't know what to think. I mean, this has to be the drugs talking, right? There's no other explanation. The figure lifted the corner of his lips. "Hey, there, little Birdie." Uncle Joe always called me Birdie, because he said I was a free spirit who let my heart lead the way. Well, I used to be, that is. I have no problem admitting that I'm really not, anymore. I wish I could be, though. "And that's Uncle Joe, to you." He said, putting his hands in his pocket, smiling softly, and leaned towards me. "Am I dead?" Was all I asked. He shook his head. Well, that's a relief. "Okay, so what the hell is going on?" He stared at me. I think he showed up, somehow, because I did the one thing I promised him I would never do: let someone else besides me decide my worth. He's come to talk to me. "Okay, you don't have to say it, I know I'm an idiot." I told him. I knew that would be the first words out of his mouth. You're an idiot, you know that? Why would you do this? I could already hear him saying it. "I wasn't gonna say that." He said casually. I raised an eyebrow at him, surprised. "I mean, I thought it, but I wasn't gonna say it." He shrugged his shoulders. Yeah, that's what I figured. We sat in silence for a minute. Ever since he died, all I've done is pray for a chance to say goodbye to him, being so mad that none of us got that chance. Unlike with my Great Grandma Betty and Grandma Mary, who had cancer, so we were able to say goodbye to them. No one could have imagined that that would be the last time Uncle Joe would leave his house, that he would never return home. But, I mean, now that I have my chance to finally say my goodbyes; I'm not sure what the right words to say are, or if I can even bring myself to say them. "You know you have to go back." He said. That took me by surprise. It took me a second to figure out what to say. "Why?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders casually. "You're needed." I scoffed. Needed. Right. I'm not saying that my family doesn't love me, because they do. With all their hearts. But, I've done nothing extraordinary. I'm nothing special. I bring nothing to the family. I'm a waste of space. "Oh, please. They won't miss me for too long. Nicky's the perfect, extraordinary one. I'm just me." Now, it was his turn to scoff. "You're so stubborn, you know that? That's the point. You are you, there's no one else like you, and no one can take that from you." I lifted the corner of my lip. Something that Uncle Joe really instilled in Nicky and I is that we're unique, and no one can take that from us. When he died, it was like I forgot all of that, along with all of the self confidence my entire family gave me. "You always saw something in me that I couldn't, still can't." "So can everyone else." "I doubt that." I said to myself. Now, don't get me wrong; my parents are incredible and make me feel really good, they tell me how amazing I am. But, there are times that I wonder if they wished I were more like Nicky. I so couldn't blame them if they did. I wish I were more like her, too. "You are so you're father's daughter." I smiled. "I take that as a compliment." And I do take that as a compliment. My Dad is one of the most amazing people on the planet, and if I can be half the person he is, I'll be golden. "You are so hard headed. Everyone can see amazing you are. Everyone but you." "Maybe you're right." I said. He chuckled. "I'm a Reagan. We're always right." He winked. I chuckled and rolled my eyes. I looked at him with longing in my eyes. "Uncle Joe?" I started. I can ask him a question now that's been gnawing at me since his funeral. "Yes?" "Was that really you? At your funeral?" I said slowly and hesitantly. At first, I thought there was no way it could be him. At first, I just assumed that I was so upset and distraught that I imagined seeing him. But, if he's popping up in my dreams, maybe it was him. "It was. I figured you could use the support." I smiled and let out a breath, totally elated. I wasn't going completely crazy that day, it wasn't my imagination. I can't believe it was really him that day; I couldn't have made it through that day without him, which is ironic, when you think about it. I ran my fingers through my hair. This is all so much to take in. I mean, what am I? A medium? "Uncle Joe, please don't go. I wanna be with you. I miss you so much." I started to cry. It's been so long since I've seen him, and I wanted to soak up every second of it, and make it last as long as humanly possible. Even though he's not human, he's a ghost. Amazingly, he walked up to me and wiped a tear from my eye. I was surprised because he was a ghost, and all of the movies and tv shows that I've ever seen the ghosts are completely transparent and basically just air. The fact that I could see him and it was like he was a human completely defied everything I thought I knew about ghosts and spirits. "I miss you, too. And we will be together again. But not yet. Go back and find my letter and make me proud. Like always." "What letter?" I asked. I seriously had no idea what he was talking about. He didn't respond, and I growled under my breath. When I realized he wasn't going to respond, I finally worked up the nerve to say it. The words I've been needing to say, but now was taking every ounce strength I had to say. "Goodbye, Uncle Joe. I love you." Having those words leave my lips caused my entire body to shiver, and I took in a shuddered breath. Goosebumps made their way up and down my body. I can't believe I just did that. "I love you, too, Eliza." He kissed my cheek, then he left. I reached out for him, but he was gone. I knew I had to go back home.
DANNY'S POV
I could no longer keep the tears from coming. I had been holding them back for too long, and they finally broke free. "I'm sorry, Eliza. For failing you as a Dad. I'll try to do better." I closed my eyes, and started to cry. I had failed her as a Dad; I couldn't help her to see her worth and fight for her individuality. But, that was going change. Drastically. I know that I can't force her to love herself, but I want to try to teach her how to love herself again. I miss my daughter. This girl, who relies so much on what her peers think about her, the one who keeps secrets, she's a total stranger. And I didn't know what to do. I obviously knew when Joe died that it would be really hard on her and that she would have a difficult time coping with it, but she went completely downhill. I just couldn't help but partly blame myself for all of this, you know? I slowly looked up at the sky, and took in a deep, shuddered breath. "Hey, Joe. If there's a version of this where you can hear me, maybe you could" I took in another deep breath and let a few tears shed. "maybe you could knock on someone's door? Put in a good word?" Suddenly, I heard a little groan from her, and my eyes went wide. I couldn't tell if she had really made any noise, or if it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I felt my heart leap, this was it, I could feel it. I decided to try one last thing, just to see if she had groaned like that. I had to try to get her to make noise again. "Hey, you look at me when I'm talking to you, young lady. Your mother and I raised you better than that." Then, her vitals started to change. I looked up at the monitor as her heart rate increased, and I saw her other vitals change. I felt my heart leap out of my throat and I ran out into the hall and called for a doctor. I can't remember the last time I felt so excited, and for the first time since she ended up in the hospital, I felt hopeful that she was going to be okay. I went into the hall and shouted "I need a doctor!" Which, looking back on it now, made it sound like something bad had happened, when it was just the opposite. It was wonderful news and I can't explain to you guys how elated I was. I know I've already said that a million times but I don't care. I just can't wait to hug and kiss my daughter and speak to her again. "What's going on?" Dr. Carmen asked, clearly concerned. "I was talking to her, and I heard her groan and then her vitals went up." I explained to him. "Okay." Dr. Carmen said. His tone of voice was very calm after that, and he didn't seem worried at all anymore. He grabbed a few nurses, and took the feeding tube out of her throat. They put some liquid into her I.V. and waited for about 1 minute. It was probably the longest minute of my life. I wasn't sure what they were doing, but they did, and I had to remember that. It was an amazing feeling to see that feeding tube out of her throat, she almost looked like her old self again. I couldn't stop smiling. Then he lightly tapped her face. "Eliza? Eliza, this is Dr. Carmen. I need you to wake up, alright?" He said to her. She groaned a little louder. I could have seriously jumped for joy. "Hey, don't ignore people, young lady." I said in my Dad voice. She slowly opened her eyes, and turned her head to my voice. "Daddy?" She said, groggily. I cannot describe what went through me; the relief and joy that pulsed through my veins. I ran to her, and rubbed her forehead. I was beaming. I felt so much better; like a thousand pound weight was off my chest. I couldn't stop smiling, you can't imagine the joy I felt. Thank you so much, Joe, for bringing my baby back to me. I started crying again, but tears of joy. "Yeah. Hey, baby." I said softly, smiling at her as I continued to rub her forehead. A single tear ran down her cheek. "I'm really sorry, Dad. Please don't hate me." She whispered. I could tell she was about to cry hard, and she didn't need that right now. So I shook my head. I don't want her getting worked up right now. Besides, there is nothing on this planet that she could do that would ever make me hate her; she's my little girl. "We can talk about it later. And I definitely don't hate you. Tell me your name." I told her as I wiped the tear from her cheek. She smiled weakly at me, and I smiled from ear to ear and I couldn't stop chuckling, I was just so thrilled. "Eliza." "Oh, my god. I thought I lost you." I said, slowly kissing her forehead and hugging her. "Can't get rid of her that easy." Said a voice from the doorway. I turned and saw Dad. I chuckled, then looked back at Eliza. "Thank God for that." I said, caressing her cheek with my thumb. I've never been more grateful to have a daughter who's such a stubborn pain in the ass. Dad rubbed his chin and said "Eliza, remember how you asked me how you're like your father?" She nodded. I like to think that Eliza is like me in almost every way possible, but I am curious to see where he's going with this. "You are both the biggest pain in my ass." I subtly rolled me eyes. I wish I could deny it, but it's true. We are giant pain in the asses. We're both very stubborn, stand by our beliefs and don't back down. We're fighters. "Guess I'll take that as a compliment." She whispered. I continued petting her head, still in complete awe that she actually made it out of the hell hole. Jamie jogged in. "Hey, I gotta take off. See you guys later." "Bye, Uncle Jamie." Eliza said as he left. We waited for him to catch on. Dad and I looked at the door and chuckled. He was so preoccupied with getting to work that he didn't even notice that we were talking to his niece. What a freaking knucklehead. I mean, how unobservant can someone be? It's not like she hasn't been in a coma for the past few days, and now all of the sudden she's sitting up. 10 seconds later, Jamie slowly backed into the room, and pointed at Eliza. "Did she just talk?" He asked. Seriously, Jamie? No one else in this room sounds like a 15 year old girl. God, did he get sleep last night? Is he high, what? I understand that he's tired and all, but damn, what's wrong with him? She rubbed her eyes and said "no, Dad's just a ventriloquist and made it sound like it was me. Who else in this room is gonna call you Uncle Jamie?" Drugged up and just out of a coma, and she's still sassy as all hell; yep, she is definitely my girl. I had to bite my lip to keep from popping a gut, and I was also slightly mad at myself for not thinking of that one first. That was a good one. Jamie looked like he could have cried. He was smiling so big, and you could tell he was ecstatic. He walked up to her and slowly hugged her. "I'm sorry, I really do gotta go." It really does suck that he has to go to work and Eliza just woke up. I wish and I know she wishes he could stay with the family and celebrate, but, that's one of the "perks" of the job. I know it's hard on him and more than anything he wants to stay home, but, he can't. He just loves going to work too much. I mean, I'm the same way. Even though I said I was gonna take some personal time off, everyone knew I wouldn't. It's like watching a movie or a tv show, that's how I explain it to other people; you've started it and now you constantly have to know what happens next. And, you know, we do a lot of good out there so if that's not a motivator to go to work then I don't know what is. Besides, I doubt she's getting out of the hospital tonight so, he can celebrate with us later. She lifted her hand to his cheek and said "It's fine. Be safe." "Always." He said, kissing her forehead and getting ready to leave. His phone rang right as he was about to walk out the door. "Hey, Sarge. Are you su-. Okay, well, thank you very much." He hung up the phone and looked at us. "That was Sergeant Renzulli. He wants me to stay home tonight." Dad looked down, smiling. I have a feeling he had something to do with that. He probably called Renzulli and just casually commented that they were going to try to wake Eliza up early, but he understood that Jamie has to answer to duties call and go to work regardless. I had to hand it to him, whatever he did clearly worked. That's when everyone else came in. We just stared at her. Despite the fact that we were all relieved, elated and happy, we were also extremely mad and disappointed, and ready to find out what the hell was going through that head of hers. "So, I'm guessing you all know by now." She said quietly, clearly ashamed. As she should be. "Eliza, I am so-" Nicky began. "Don't you dare apologize, Nicky. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I should have never told you I was doing this." If Eliza has gotten mad at Nicky, I would have personally knocked her on her ass. If anything, she should thank Nicky. If Nicky hadn't spoken up as quick as she did, this situation might have had a different outcome. "You never should have done it." I said to her, the anger now surfacing. Now that I know she's gonna be okay and we get to keep her around for a long time, I'm gonna get so mad at her. I'm so pissed off it isn't even funny. Linda held her in her arms, and rocked her back and forth, saying "oh, my baby." Over and over.
MY POV
Everybody was staring at me; staring so deep it was like they were looking into my soul, and I hated it. I get it, okay? What I did was stupid and reckless but, I've learned my lesson. I mean, I ended up in the hospital for God's sake. There's no better way for God to tell me that I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. "Look, you guys don't have to say it, okay? I know I'm an idiot." I told them, so ashamed of myself. Yeah, I admit that I was an idiot, and I'd really rather not be reminded. But, I know that they will remind me. "Glad I don't have to say it." Aunt Erin said. I rolled my eyes. I already hated myself enough as it is, clearly. I do not need any help. Though I also can't deny that I fully asked for this. "Just one question; what the hell were you thinking?" Pops asked. I shook my head and looked down. I should have been prepared for grilling but, they couldn't at least wait until I was released? Like, I literally just woke up, can't I have a few minutes? They've all probably been dying to ask me that question but, they obviously couldn't. I did my best to ignore him, but, to no avail. "Hey, your great grandfather asked you a question. You better answer him." Dad said. I really didn't want to talk about this right now, but, I also knew that I didn't have much of a choice. They were not gonna leave me be until I got this out of the way. "I don't know." I whispered, hoping they'd leave it at that. I mean, teenage girls do stupid stuff without any real reason all the time, right? "Yes, you do." Dad said. I looked at him, slightly shocked. Like, excuse you with the sass (and Mom wonders where I get it from). I guess I was silly to believe they'd go easy on me. I don't think this family knows what that means. "Okay, well, I don't want to talk about it." I said. "Well, you're gonna." Mom said. I looked at Mom with wide eyes, because she isn't usually this pushy. My head was swimming, and I knew this was the elephant in the room; but I wasn't looking forward to answering it. I mean, this type of thing, what I've been going through, it's not exactly something that people love to share. "Now!" Dad said firmly. I shook my head and finally snapped. They really wanna know? Fine, I'll tell them. But they will never look at me the same way again and I have no idea how I'll face them. "Why? So that everyone can find out that I am nowhere near as confident as I let on? So that everyone finds out that the Eliza Reagan they thought they knew; beautiful, outgoing, charismatic and confident is a fake? So that everyone knows that I cry every time I look in a mirror?" I screamed back. I hid my face in my hands, and cried hysterically. I never wanted that to come out; I wanted to keep the mask on, but all good things must come to an end, I guess. I don't love myself. I hate myself so much, and unless you have been through that personal, living hell, you can't imagine what it's like. Looking in the mirror and just hating the person looking back at you, doing your best to avoid contact with other people because if you can barely stand yourself, what do other people think of you? Wishing more than anything that you could just hide out for the rest of your life. And sometimes thinking that you'd be better off dead. It's seriously the worst thing ever. I cried for a good minute when I finally looked back up and only Mom and Dad were in the room. Mom's expression was horrified. Dad's was pretty much the same, with a bit of confusion added to it. I couldn't look at Mom, not with the way she was looking at me; it made me feel worse, if that was even possible. I just want this whole conversation to be over. "Oh, honey, I know what a hard age this is, especially for girls. I've been there. I know what you're going through." I looked down and began fidgeting with my fingers. "Do you know what it's like to have a perfect cousin that your teachers, friends, and even your crush compares you to? When you're nothing special." I said. Seriously, all the time people say Why can't you be more like Nicky? Nicky is so talented, you're so lucky to be related to her! Nicky is so much fun! Nicky this, Nicky that, that's all I hear. And, don't me wrong. Nicky is amazing and super sweet and talented and beautiful. It would just be a little nice to hear compliments about me, you know? Does that sound selfish? "You are special." Mom said, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "You guys have to say that, you're my parents." I scoffed. Of course I'm special to them, I'm their kid. "We don't have to say a thing." Mom told me. I looked up at them. Look, I get that they think I'm special, and I appreciate that a lot. But, I don't have to deal with them bullying me everyday at school. Dad scratched his lip with his thumb and said "you know, the guys at my precinct know almost as much about you as I do. I'm surprised no one's asked the Sergeant to transfer me, I annoy them by talking about you so much and showing them pictures all the time." I lit up slightly. "You, you talk about me at work?" I stuttered. "Yes, because I'm proud of you." He said, like I was totally oblivious to it; which apparently I was. It made me feel really, really good inside hearing that he brags about me. I'm trying to figure out what he has to talk to other people about about me. But, still, hearing that he talks about me that much and that he feels I've done a lot, it really is a confidence boost. "You guys really are proud of me?" I said, totally surprised. Now, don't get me wrong; it's not like my parents are rude to me, it's not like they act like they are disappointed in me but... What have I accomplished? What do I do that's so amazing? The answer to that is; not a damn thing. I'm just an average person, below average, maybe. I just can't see what stories he tells, but I would sure like to hear them. Maybe I'll put a wire on his partner so I can hear what he says, haha. "Of course. Look, honey, you're not the most beautiful person ever-" Mom began. "You're the second most beautiful." Dad interrupted. I half smiled, that was so incredibly cheesy. Mom brushed my hair out of my face. "But you have a heart of gold. You love loyally and unconditionally. You really are a beautifully singer and I wish you'd start back up. And you are real. You protect those you love and you help anyone any chance you get." She continued. I thought about it for a minute; if anyone needs help, any kind of help, I help when I can. People know that they can come to me for advice, a laugh or just a listening ear. When I decide I love someone, I love them unconditionally and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. I guess, I've been thinking of talents as things that you can compete in, things that can be judged and you can win trophies for. But, in all reality, talents come in all shapes and sizes and I am more talented than I think. "It's hard to find qualities like that these day." Dad said. I smiled gently at him. I looked at him, remembering what I heard him say while I was out of it, and I felt so bad, I had to tell him that he was wrong. "Hey, Dad?" I began. He looked at me expectantly. I held my hand out for him to grab. He walked over to me and did just that. "You are not a terrible Dad. You are the best role model and teacher that any daughter could ask for." He looked confused. I couldn't have him thinking that he was a failure, or beating himself up over this, because none of this is his fault. I'm so blessed to have him as my Dad and he has in no way failed me. "How did you know I had said that?" He asked. "I could hear everything that was going on, I just couldn't respond." I explained. He nodded. I had to admit that I did feel a lot better, and I kinda wish I had talked to my parents about all of this beforehand; maybe this whole thing could have been avoided. Oh well, what's done is done. "I love you guys, I'm so sorry." I said. "We love you, too, sweetheart." Mom said. Dad sat on the other side, and they both hugged me. I felt really safe in their arms, like nothing could hurt me. A wave of peace and comfort crashed over me. I'm seriously so lucky and blessed to have the parents that I do; I don't know what I would do without them. Mom let go of me and said "but if you ever pull anything like this again, I will let your father and your Uncle Jamie kick your ass." We laughed. Oh geez, I don't wanna know what that would be like. Both of them upset by themselves is scary, both of them upset together? I would feel so sorry for whoever is in their path. I mean, they are quite the force to be reckoned with. That is enough to scare me straight. "Good to know." I said. "And I have your great grandfather's old slapper." Dad said, looking very serious. My eyes went wide. Oh, dear god. He'd never actually use it on me, but just the thought of it is scary. "Yes, sir." I saluted him. He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Such a pain." "Well, I am your daughter." I told him. "Ha ha." He said sarcastically. And for a little bit, everything felt okay again.
YOU ARE READING
Blue Blood Runs Thick
Fanfiction***ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO BLUE BLOODS. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING, THIS IS JUST A FAN FICTION.*** Eliza Reagan is the granddaughter of NYC Police Commissioner, Frank Reagan and the only child of the NYPD's best first grade homicide detective, Daniel Reagan...
