Escapade » z.m

57. Professor Redon Invites Me For A Tea Party

"You should go." He repeats, his fists unclenching, his eyes flicking back to Louis.

Louis is still as pale, still as shocked. He hasn't recovered yet. Zayn doesn't give him the time to do it either. When Zayn never was allowed to recover, always prodded by his guilt, the questions, his conscience, why should anyone else get the time for it? How is it fair?

"Please." He sighs, his shoulders round and he beckons Louis to leave. Louis is frozen to the ground, he doesn't move. "I'm not saying this because I'm angry at you, I just need some time away." He says, defeated. Its true. He's not lying about it. And in spirit of fairness, Louis only wanted some innocent answers.

He's not angry, but he is drained. He's tired. And more than that, he is empty. It's tangible, that emptiness, and he doesn't want to lose that too. If he loses the abyss in his being, what will remain?

"Please, Lou." He says again, his face pinched in deep agitation. His voice doesn't shake though, it's firm, and even strict to an extent.

He feels invincible, if he's honest. All the strings are suddenly broken. The fragile ones he was holding on to fly with, they are broken now. He's acknowledged it, finally. He's embraced it. Its liberating in some ways. The strings are broken now and he can finally fall.

He's falling and there's no fear that he'll never find the ground.

There's a relief in that.

There's relief in knowing he's not scared of the abyss that mirrors him.

"I have some work to do anyway." He says, taking his phone out. He checks the time. It's two in the afternoon. "Professor Redon must have got here, I had to meet him today morning, but he shifted it, don't really know why." He says, pocketing his phone back in his pants.

"Zayn," Louis comes forward, hand outstretched to reach Zayn. It never does, for Zayn backs away, shaking his head slightly. "Listen—"

"I told you, I'm not angry." Zayn says. His eyes, although devoid of most emotions, scream at Louis to not let him run again. Its still just as pointless.

"We can continue this later, whatever it was." He says, looking around, not seeing a single soul nearby. The trees are silent, the birds are too. Each brick of the campus seems to be silent today. The air too isn't whispering in his ears. The clouds are still heavy and dark, but they don't make a sound either.

Louis opens his mouth, but the words die in his mouth. He retrieves his hand back, pockets them both. "Alright, then."

"I told you about Professor Redon, yeah?" Zayn manages a smile. "Because if I haven't then we have some serious conversation left."

Louis laughs halfheartedly. It feels out of place, it feels odd. Like he shouldn't be laughing. He should be sharing Zayn's pain, but instead he's stood here with a smile that Zayn gave him.

Louis nods, in a way that says it's the moment of parting. He turns around and starts to walk. This feels odd too, walking away like this. It feels like he's leaving behind everything that matters. He can feel it dawning on him, the endless realities he could be living. He can picture each possibility. There's one where he doesn't listen to Zayn and turns around, he sits Zayn down and let's him cry. He cries too, for not realising that his friend was in pain much sooner. There are endless things that he can see and reach, but as he takes each step away from Zayn, he realises it's scary that there's only one reality a person can live.

Maybe this is how Zayn felt while running away. Like there were so many things he could do, and the rest of his life would be different. So many realities he could weave, one where he had gone back home instead of coming to Louis', told his parents everything, one where he was happy with his family and living the life he had always known. But this is what Zayn had chosen.