Anger and indecisiveness

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~Maddox~

I woke up from a nightmare all sweaty and with a dry throat.Walking into the kitchen I took a bottle of water from the fridge and sat on a bar stool.I took a big gulp of water and put it on the counter.My hands were on both sides of my head as I tried to even my breathing.

It’s been almost three years since I left the army.I had to go to all kinds of therapies and I’ve met with at least 10 psychiatrists.Those things lasted for about a half a year,because they said I was making an „amazing“ progress.Of course I was just making them think I was okay.I hated the fact I wasn’t with my team anymore,I hated the fact that all of these people wanted to “fix me”,I hated the fact I wasn’t the same person as I was and most of all I hated the fact that most of my family treated me like I was different,someone weak and in whose presence they need to be careful what they say and do.

 After that year passed,the only person that didn’t pity me was my uncle,Leon.He was in the army before and now owns a company that deals with security.He understood me and my reasons for not talking about what happened in Iraq.He offered me a job as a bodyguard and I gladly took it,I needed some normality in my life.I needed the old me,an individual with goals and dreams,with passion for life and its blessings.I want to be a better person,someone who can say I’ve done something with my life.I never want to stop fighting that is just my personality.I believe in myself,sometimes more and sometimes less,but I do and that is important.I respect all those doctors who tried to help,but that can’t be achieved if I don’t accept it.And I didn’t.

 My mom Delilah,the most amazing women and mother I know,said to me with tears in her eyes”I want you to know that I can die as a happy and proud mother because of you.I’ve achieved a lot in my life,but you are my best achievement and award.I love you and hate to see you this broken,but I believe in you and I know that you will decide what is best for you.I will be there for you whenever you need me.”then a small,crystal tear ran down her sad face as she hugged me.I could see the pain in her eyes and it made me sad to think I was the culprit for it.That was during my first year of struggle.Months passed by and I was the same,that pain in her eyes started to mix with the pity and that was something that I despised.But she never lost her faith in me,since that day she didn’t cry in front of me,on contrary she tried to be strong.Seeing her like that got me thinking,if she can do it,I can do it.In my head pity was the word that needs to be destroyed and buried somewhere deep.

 After the first year,I worked for politicians,celebrities and VIP’s.My father was disappointed with me since the day I joined army.He thought I would go to Harvard,as my brother,and then become one of his minions.He liked to think he was a puppeteer and we,his children,were marionettes.I never liked law in that way.My dream was to be a soldier,it complimented my nature.

 Since my first job as a bodyguard almost a year and a half has passed.I'm quite successful and earned a lot of money,so I bought an apartment,car and a lot of games.That was something that relaxed me.I love to play COD,it is funny considering my past job and everything,but I love it.

 When my uncle suggested me to work for him the only request I had was to never work for the same person for more than a month.I knew that when you spend more time with someone you feel connected to them.Working for one person for one month wasn’t enough to feel that so I set that rule.Losing someone who was under your protection or command is disastrous feeling and I don’t want to feel that again even though I believed in my capability.Uncle,of course,agreed so I started working.

 He told me to come to his office today,saying he has a proposition for me.He emphasized it was a very interesting job.Last time he said that I ended up babysitting a 12 year old annoying brat,whose parents thought she was „in danger“.What actually happened is that she thought it would be funny to prank her parents by saying someone was following her.If he gives me another fucked up job like that,I'll punch him...or not but I will want to that's for sure.

 It was still early,I had to be at his office at 11am and now is 7,so I went running.I got back at the apartment around 9.I looked up news as I was sipping the coffee I bought on the way back home.I try to drink coffee as little as possible ,since it's bad for my body but today I made an exception.Then I showered and dressed by the time I finished I had to head to my uncles office.The ride took me about 20 minutes,there wasn't a lot of traffic today,thank God I don't have a lot of patience.When I got there uncle's assistant Perri was waiting for me in the lobby.She escorted me to the office.

 „Maddox“my uncle said with a nod.

„Hello uncle,I'm eager to find out more details about the job,so why don't we start?“

„You're always so impatient“he shook his head.“You're right it's the best to get this out of the way so we can discuss you going to your parents' anniversary celebration next month.“ I wanted to stop him right there but he raised his hand „Don't say anything before you listen to what I have to say,please.“

„Okay,but there is no way I'm going there.“I said determined.

„We'll talk about it.Now,let's talk business.So,one of my clients that I was working for since I opened this company called me and said he needs the best guy I have.“At that moment he looked at me to see a smirk forming on my lips,I knew he was talking about me.And let me tell you,he is right,not to brag or anything.

„Before your ego fills your whole head please try to listen the rest of the story.“uncle said while sitting down on his chair.“So the job is simple,you would have to guard his daughter,and no she isn't 12 but about 20.The catch is that the job doesn't have a time limit because of a delicate situation they are dealing with.I told him I would send you there today,so can you at least go and then turn down the offer?“he said with hope in his eyes.

 If he said this to me a year ago I wouldn't even think about this but since this is a long time client who trusts my uncle I can't be that selfish.Even though I'm sure I won't be working for that man,I'll go meet him.“Fine,I'll go.When and where should I go?“

 „I know you don't work like that but...wait what did you say?! You'll go??“he was so surprised he almost fell of his chair.

 „Yes I'll go,I can see that he is important client so...Tell me when and where.“

„Well you're right,that man helped me a lot.Especially with clientele expansion.He's a good man,it's rare to find people like him nowadays.“he seemed to dozed off a bit and then he continued“You need to be there at 4pm,I'll text you the address later.“

 „Okay,I'm going to go now.I have to go to the bank and maybe hit the gym.“I started walking towards the door.

 „Okay.Oh,and Maddox?“he stood up.

 „Yeah?“I turned back to face him.

„Thank you for doing this.I know you probably won't work for him but thank you.“he said with serious face before he went back to sit in his chair.

 „Oh,yeah don't mention it.“I was never good with showing emotions and army made it only worse,so this situation was quite weird for me.Thank God uncle was the same.I walked out of his office,said goodbye to Perri and made my way to the elevators before going into the car.

 Just as I was walking out of the gym,uncle send me the address.I ate lunch at the restaurant near gym so I just had to change at home and go meet McKinley,the client.

I stopped in front of the gigantic building,it was bigger than uncle's and that one is huge.After I parked my car I walked into the building and walked straight to the lady at the reception.

„Good afternoon,my name is Maddox Crawford from Crawford security.I was told to come here today to meet Mr.McKinley.“

„Just a second....Yes here it is“she checked her computer“you go to the elevators,they are right there near that door,“she pointed with her finger“and go to the 58th floor.There will be someone waiting for you.“she smiled at me.

„Thank you.“I replied,not bothering to smile back.

 „You're welcome.“she said,with disappointing look on her face but I couldn't understand why.

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