Secrets Hurt

08

Sophia stares at me quizzically for a while. We are both silent now.

"Did you always want to do it? Or did the fact that it was all you were surrounded with, the fact that it was all your father ever talked about that pushed you towards making that decision?" Sophia asks softly, looking intensely at me,

"Like I said Sophia, I always wanted to do it," I reply, getting defensive,

"Karla, I spent 3 years as Luke's wife, I know he has a way with words that's very persuasive and convincing..." She begins but I interrupt her, getting annoyed,

"He's not like that, he didn't make me choose it, I did, stop all this," I say annoyed,

"Karla, I'm sorry but I'm not your enemy, okay? Who's idea was it to study at U of Wales?" She says calmly,

Huffing, I fumble with the sleeves of my jacket that I still had on and adjust my position in the couch. Sophia watches me like a hawk, her eyes prying me open. I can feel it and I hate it. It's scaring me.

"I liked U of Wales, daddy graduated from here, I wanted to come here, I wanted to be his legacy..." I say but is interrupted,

"That word again, Legacy, before we had you, your dad kept saying he wanted a son to carry on his legacy, succeed him in his firm but we got a girl instead...... Karla.... Deep down I know you see it, being familiar with something and you wanting to actually do something for you is different. Did you really want to do Accounting?" She says, concern etched on her face,

My entire being goes rigid. My mouth clams shut. Sophia's gaze slides over me with concern. And a terrifying realization sink in. She keeps looking at me, she already knew the answer to the question, she can see it but just wanted to hear me say it.

My dad had made every suggestion that led to me choosing to go to U of Wales, he had spoken about Accounting constantly that I believed I wanted that too for myself. Shipping me off to U of Wales, wanting to buy me a two-bedroom house, which I had turned down and asked to live in the school apartments, having me do volunteer work and insisting on me interning at Kensington and co during any break I had. I just sat down and let him run my whole fucking life.

I pick up my lunch and continue eating as a mask of indifference slides unto my face. She looks at me for sometime wanting to say something, to comfort me or something but she just continues eating too, pressing a button on a remote that turned on the TV.

...

After we got over the issue about my choice of study, more like after I got over it, I and Sophia had a great time talking, I told her stories from when I was a child and she told me stories from back when she was young and when she met my dad, it was still a sore topic for her. I recognize that she was pretty strong to go through this and even care about him, she had loved him or still loved him. She got a little uncomfortable when I spoke about Patra, my step-mum, so I stayed of that topic or any topic that'll make me talk about her.

"I mean you well Karla, always remember that sweetie" Sophia says as she stands behind me as I head for the door,

"I know Sophia, I just need time to think is all, I'm sorry for being hostile before," I say,

"I didn't take offense sweetie, I could never stay mad at you," Sophia says as she hugs me and kiss me on the cheek,

"Goodnight Sophy," I call as I leave, I hear her lock up behind me.

I head home to my apartment.

"I'm home," I call into my apartment as I walk into the living room and lie on the couch,

"Hey you," Cynthia says, walking out of her room with a face mask on her face and Price was right behind her with a face mask on too,

"Y'all look cute, hash tag couple goals," I say looking up at Cynthia who raised my head and settled into the space between my head and the armrest and places my head on her lap,

"Thanks, it's all me," Price says, from somewhere I'm the kitchen,

"You didn't even want to wear a face mask, I literally had to beg you," Cynthia snaps,

"Well I make the look work better than...." He says walking towards us with a banana in his hand,

"If you complete that statement, you can as well get packing then," Cynthia interrupts him,

I burst out laughing at the two of them.

"You guys are hilarious to watch," I say still crackling with laughter, which eventually turned to tears,

The room becomes silent, I can hear Price whispering 'What's wrong with her?' to Cynthia, who tells him to excuse us and I hear him exit the room, she just runs her palm over my head as I cry. She sits there quietly, letting me cry while whispering to me that 'whatever it was, it was all gonna be okay'.

"I found out that my mum isn't my birth mother and my dad was married to my birth mother, but he cheated on her during her pregnancy with me and she found out and divorced him and her bipolar disorder got worse because of the stress and for that he won custody over me and choose to lock her up in a freaking asylum and today I just had a major realization that I may actually not be into Accounting like I thought I was, and knowing that my dad was capable of being mean and wicked to Sophia is just mind blowing and to find out that my previous mum was a mistress that ruined my parents marriage just makes me uncomfortable, I don't know if I'm to hate her or not but she's been there for me my whole life," I explain to Cynthia through my sobs,

"It's okay Karla, maybe you don't have to hate your mum just because she isn't your birth mother, it doesn't make her any less of a mum to you, from hearing you talk about her before now, I gather she was a good mum to you all this while, right?," She says thoughtfully,

"She's a great mum," I whisper, sitting up slightly,

"See? So you just have 2 mothers who love you and want to be with you if you'll have them and if you can look past the mistress part, I mean that would be tough, but she wasn't like mean to you or anything..... I don't even know honestly...... just take a breather and take things as they come, you don't have to get over all this fast," She says gently, now hugging me to herself,

"Thanks for listening and the advice," I say, to which she just nods and hugs me.

We hold each other in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Has the dam been fixed?" We hear Price ask and we burst out laughing,

"Yeah, the coast is clear," I say laughing,

"I warned you that you could totally do better than Ethan but does anybody listen to me? No..... I can totally still help you kick his ass, notwithstanding the fact that he's my brother," Price says settling into a sofa beside the couch,

"It wasn't Ethan, Icy Queens don't cry for boy drama," I say the last part sassily,

Cynthia starts to hum the lyrics to Icy girl by Saweetie, I start to sing along and it eventually turns into a full concert with us dancing and prancing round the living room and then we all tiredly retire to bed.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
Author's note:

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