Cherry- H.S

River Of Tears.

    "I...I think I should be alone." I agree, and he nods his head.

    "I'm fine with that, but.... But what are you going to do if you're upset, or panicking, or or anything..." He asks as he sits up in bed with me.

    "Call you..."

    "Promise me..." He reaches over, holding my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. "Promise..." He asks again.

    "I promise." I give him a soft smile, and I start to take his sweatshirt off of my body as he stands. He leans down as I sit on the bed, stopping me as his fingers find my chin, lifting my face. He shakes his head, and I let my hands fall. " But it's yours..." I speak softly.

    "Yours now baby." He mumbles, squishing my cheeks, and standing again.

    "Ummmm." He turns, and I stand up. "Kissy?" I ask, and he smiles, walking back over to me. His sweatshirt hangs over my hands, covering them as I wrap my arms around his neck. He indulges in the kiss, pressing his lips to mine, the scruff on his face, tickling mine softly. He pulls back, and looks down at me.

    "Do you have a favorite color today?" He asks, and I nod.

    "I have a favorite color everyday... Today it's bright neon orange." I tell him, and he furrows his brows. "Because that's the farthest from what I'm feeling right now, and it's what I want to be feeling... So it's my favorite." I tell him, and he brushes my hair behind my ear.

    "I'll see you soon Cherry... You promised you'd call if you needed me... Please do.." He gives me a weary look, and I nod. He kisses my forehead, and walks out of the apartment with his suitcase, leaving me behind. Bowie walks through the living room, and I walk next to him, but sit myself down. Sitting in the middle of the floor, laying flat on my back, staring at the ceiling. My arms are spread out flat as I watch the ceiling fan go round and round for what feels like so long.

    "Bowie what the hell am I going to do?" I mumble, and hear silence for a few minutes, then a hesitant meow. "Did you... Did you really just suggest that?" I ask, sitting up. "Call Easton? I could... I could call Easton.." I think to myself. "He's been through this, he'd know how to deal with this." I look down at my hands.

Why did I push off my feelings, and my pain with this so pent up for the past year instead of just dealing with this? I pick up my phone, and then stop myself, panicking. No one can do this for me, no one can tell me how to feel or what to feel... As much as it scares me, right now I need to actually be alone... I need to be alone, and I need to let go. To do all the things that I've put off doing so I can move on.

    I go into the spare bedroom, the room I never go into for this reason. It's where all of his things are. I got rid of some of his stuff. The stuff I didn't know what to do with it, but a lot of it is left... It's more so our things, than his things... Half of his shit was still in Nashville when he came home so I don't have all of it but I still have some.

I need to do this, I have to do this. I go to the closet first, taking the bits of clothes that I have left, the clothes that still smell like him, and I throw them on the floor in a pile, hanging the empty hangers back in the closet. This is holding me back... That's all this stuff is doing, it's holding me back. Bowie meows behind me, and I turn back around

    "No... You can't be in here, I need to do this alone... I'll be out soon." I mumble, and shoo him out the door, closing it behind me. I take a deep breath, and turn back, pushing all of the clothes to the side, knowing I'll bag them up later. I reach to the top of the closet, feeling around up there. I feel something, and pull it off the shelf, taking it in my hands. "2011" Is on top of the box. Boxes for each year....I sit on the hardwood floors and open the box. Shoe laces... That's the first thing I see. I smile softly as I see it.