Kevin - A Welcome To Night Vale Fan Fiction

Goat

Kevin was on a break today. Breaks were shall he dare say "frowned" upon in Desert Bluffs, but the weather report was predicted to be at least two days long, and Lauren decided Kevin go find something more productive to do than sit around and listen to it.

So Kevin went grocery shopping.

The Waldo's was crowded today, because it had just reopened after the pterodactyl crisis last Monday. It was also because it had a new sale in pterodactyl meat.

Kevin never really understood the craze for pterodactyl meat. He had always preferred pteranodon.

Kevin entered the store, giving the cashier a warm smile. He also gave the passerby a warm smile. And the one after him. And after her.

Everyone was given a warm smile from Kevin, because anyone and everyone could be the Smiling God watching.

After his sharing of smiles, Kevin went on with his usual list.

A loaf of bread.

A can of sunshine.

A corpse as a payment to the Smiling God.

Some baby teeth for the lawn.

Two corpses. The Smiling God favored generosity.

A box of baked immortality.

Pteranodons.

Kevin walked into the wheat and wheat byproducts aisle, whistling happily as he lugged two goat carcasses over his shoulder. There was a man inspecting a loaf of bread, muttering and chanting and scribbling notes furiously. No, not furious. That's a bad word. Quickly. He was scribbling quickly.

This was not unusual, as there were at least three other inspectors chanting and scribbling in the wheat aisle alone.

Another man wasn't chanting. Or scribbling. He wasn't even smiling. He stared at the floor, his face covered in a beige pith helmet and wearing trench coat. There was no blood on anything he was wearing.

Kevin decided to pass him quickly. The man was not smiling. He was not a good man. Kevin did not like to get in the businesses of disobedient people.

He pasted a bigger smile on his face as he picked up speed, just enough to get by quickly, but not to be too noticeable.

The man in the trench coat held on to Kevin's goat carcass.

Kevin turned, attempting an even bigger smile, hiding his panic. "You want a goat? They're just there by aisle fourteen."

The trench coat man didn't speak. There was a buzzing sound coming from his direction, but Kevin could not find its exact source.

"Excuse me, sir?" Kevin beamed nervously.

The trench coat man let go of the goat and dug his fingernails into Kevin's shoulder.

With a yelp, Kevin fell back and hit his head on the bread shelf.

The world fell silent.