"Trials reveal our gods." When my husband said this, I realized it was true. COVID-19 is changing the world around me and I don't want to miss the things I am learning about the Lord and about the "gods" that I serve by default when I am not intenti...
This comfortable Christian used to be me. I wasn't a pastor or ministry leader, so I figured that if a particular fellow believer rubbed me the wrong way, I didn't have to spend time with them. Then God sent me a few people who really tested me, and who I couldn't get away from without being incredibly rude about it. I complained to my family privately even while acting sweet publicly to the people who tested my patience. I wrote out my frustrations in my journal. I asked God to give me wisdom on how to escape these draining relationships without hurting feelings.
What I didn't ask God for was a change of heart, but that's exactly what He gave me.
He kept forcing me into those situations with those difficult people until--one day--I realized I didn't dread those phone calls or those visits. Perhaps I wasn't "bosom buddies" with these friends but I was suddenly aware of bright glimmers of what Tim Keller calls the "glory self"--the future, glorified person that God was transforming this believer into. Had that process been going on the whole time, and I was just too blind in my prejudice? Or was God changing them and strengthening them even through my reluctant friendship? I still have no idea. It doesn't matter. I just know that those relationships are dear to me because they connected me to the heart of Christ in ways I ever expected.
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Today, I facilitate a women's ministry through my church. The women come from many backgrounds and display many personalities. Some of those backgrounds and personalities just mesh instantly with mine. Others have stretched me. I hesitate to write this because I know all the ladies will now ask, "Is it me? Am I the one who stretched you?"
Dear, incredible, precious women of God, that question has no meaning. I'm not just being "nice" and trying to spare your feelings with "churchy speak" when I say that you are all special to me. I am grateful for every single one of you in ways that I can't even put into words. For the ones who have stretched me spiritually, I started out practicing patience with you because I wanted to know you as Christ knows you, to glimpse your "glory self." In the process of doing so, God transformed my friendship of patience to a friendship of delight. You have inspired me, grown me, and challenged me with your unique gifts and the authenticity of your walk with the Lord. If I had stayed in my comfortable bubble and held you at arm's length, I would have missed out on a friendship that I now truly treasure. I love you not in spite of your perceived flaws, but because of your actual beauty in Christ. I look forward to being friends with you for years and years to come!
And for those women to whom I have been the undesirable, hard-to-love friend: Thank you for your patience and your Christ-like love to me! When you felt drained after a visit with me, you didn't say, "This is the last time I ever do that!" When I was that clingy, exhausting personality that you wanted to pass on to someone else, you took the responsibility on yourself to continue seeking my welfare. You answered my phone call--again. You set up a visit--again. You listened to my long ramblings--again. You invested more into me than I was capable of giving back to you. You modeled love and acceptance and non-judgment, while provoking me to deeper trust and commitment to the Lord. While I may never be able to be to you what you have been to me, I can be to someone else what you have been to me, and I can pay that Christ-love forward. Thank you for the treasures your patience and investment sowed in my soul for eternity.
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This is the essence of Christian fellowship. As Jerry Bridges points out in True Community, we are in an intimate relationship with every true believer on this planet, whether we are conscious of it or not. Their pain is our pain. Their success is our success. When we minimally invest in people we don't like, and lavishly invest in people we do like, we are telling God that we want to be involved in the welfare of the hands, but we don't desire to look to the welfare of the kidneys. But it is the welfare of the whole body that ensures our own welfare and advances the kingdom of God. Who are we to choose who is "worthy" of our investment? Are we worthy of the investment of other believers? Are we worthy of Christ's investment?
The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (1 Corinthians 12:21-26)
Loving hard-to-love believers is not the exclusive duty of the pastors. It is the God-given privilege of every believer. Partiality isn't just about showing preference to believers from one socio-economic status over another. It's about making a distinction between those believers who meet our preferences and conditions of friendship and those who don't. Such distinctions are not supposed to exist in the body of Christ.
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (James 2:8-9)
It is popular today to talk about "healthy boundaries," and I agree that such things are important, but the point of boundaries is to build a healthy environment in which real relational growth can happen, not to avoid the relationships that we'd rather not be bothered with. Put another way, the motivation behind boundaries must be for the ultimate good and growth of the church as a whole and of that sister in particular, not for the ultimate protection of my comfort zone. I admit I don't always know that distinction myself, but that is when I offer continual prayer and ask for a heart attuned to the Lord's will and not to my own preference. He always answers such a prayer with wisdom.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)
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This process is not just about sanctifying us to be more Christ-like. It's about discovering those unexpected friendships that stay with us for a lifetime and enrich us in more ways than we can imagine. It's about the genuine happiness that God knows we would have missed without His intervention. It's about investing in the ultimate good of the entire Body of Christ, with the same empowerment of the Holy Spirit who daily invests in us and our individual good.
Father, teach me during this isolation not to just reach out to those people who fill my emotional and spiritual tank, but to reach out to those who are themselves longing to be filled. Give me the heart of Christ to love, not only beyond the borders of my own nation and community, but beyond the borders of my own preferences and personality and comfort zone. Fill me so overflowing with grace that it spills over onto everyone around me. May your worldwide church emerge from the grip of the virus more victorious and united than ever before!
