The Protector

XXXVII

I can't believe this is all actually happening again, no fucking way. I put everything into coming back so I could prevent this very event. I abandoned my chance at eternal peace, I defied the laws of nature, I followed my dreams to be here - and now look what's come of that. This could have been avoided if people had just listened to me when I told them to let me help. I swear, one day I will kill a bitch for not letting me do as I please when I know the answer.

It isn't until something cool and wet lands on my stomach that I realise I'm crying. The tears are rapidly falling onto my shivering skin, most of which is bare. I'm only dressed in my underwear due to my funeral not being arranged yet, they wanted to wait until Lizzy's fate was sealed. That didn't exactly turn out how they expected. Now I am the one with an unknown fate due to heartbreak and Lizzy is the one on her way to paradise.

"Lucy, are you -" my look immediately cuts Caleb off. "If you are asking if I'm ok, I will stab you without giving a single fuck." He sighs from my growl, I didn't mean to but there is a sense of truth in the promise.

It isn't surprising I can feel everyone's fear to be in such a small space with my animalism. I'm emitting breathable smoke, my skins practically on fire from the increase of emotional instability. Honestly, I'd probably be afraid to be in a room with me if I was them.

Abruptly gasping, my body convulses in heavy trembles that I fall to the floor where I start choking. I can feel a part of my soul shrivelling up into a rotten raisin sized ball of loneliness, and it's polluting the rest of my spirit. I don't think I've experienced anything more painful, and I've gone through a lot of crap in the past couple of months alone.

All of me is yearning for something I can't have because that precious thing has been ripped away from me yet again. My heart has shattered to billions of pieces, but it is still there, barely performing its purpose. My eyes burn worse than when drenched with sulfuric acid. This isn't like an injury and everything feels like it hurts, this is far deeper. This is a wound that will never heal, it will never scab and scar, it will forever be a gaping hole. This is when I really become a shell, a dying cluster of depression.

"Lucy, I know how you feel." Luke attempts to help me by holding my shoulder. He hisses, pulling his palm away with the smell of burnt flesh wafting off of him. "No you don't." I scoff, staring up at him with empty eyes. "You can't possibly imagine how I feel! My world, my essence, is deteriorating - and I can't escape it. I feel like there is no point in my existence."

"Don't forget I almost lost Mia." He snaps, losing his patience with my sass. I roll onto my back, laughing with no control. "What are you doing?" He sounds disgusted, oh this is familiar. "Nearly. You nearly lost Mia. The only reason she's still here is because I healed you both by taking your places in suffering. I took on those pains to save you. Believe me, you do not know how this feels, you can't even imagine it." I wipe away the running salt, unsure which are from sadness and which are due to uncontrollable hysterics.

Pushing up, I stumble to sit on the bed beside my Marshmallow. I don't wholeheartedly mean to yell at them, but it's the only way I can show them I'm suffering. I've always been crazy, but all of this has pushed my sanity over the edge. I'm not even a lunatic, I'm a savage beast that should be put down to save it from misery.

The way I see it, I have three choices. I can sit here and get through it; I can kill myself to be back with her; or I can do something so risky that I almost died because of it previously. I know what I want to do, but I'm going to be fought on the matter until I push everyone away from me. Sorry, Boys.

Last time, I was inexperienced. This time, I know it works because it brought her back but didn't heal her. This time, I have personally defied Death face-to-face. I can take another job off of their hands, they said they were busy. Even if it kills me, I will be right back as soon as possible.