Antonia

6. Tender, strong, and knowing all at once

There was a funeral party at the house. People milled about, drinking, eating. They discussed the price of cacao, and the recent end of the war with France... the murder of a yet another slave child.

I walked from room to room, catching bits of conversation.

'We provided the funds to the Imperial Government to support the war and then we're forced to take in hundreds of prisoners and slaves! Look at them all scattered in the port, in the countryside! What shall we do with them?'

'Cheap labor, no?'

'Ship them back I say!'

I walked from one room into another, and managed to avoid talking to anyone. I pretended I was simply visiting, a stranger at a party. I smiled weakly and nodded at those who gave me their condolences and moved on quickly.

'They say he was decapitated.'

'No, not decapitated, his head was crushed in a vice. They found him in one of the warehouses.'

'Who would do such a thing?!'

'One of their own, probably. They are like animals, some of them.'

'They think maybe one of the refugees. They were all boys.'

I wandered into the estrado, normally mother's santuary, but now filled with too many funeral guests. I thought of the murdered child, was it the third or fourth? I hadn't been paying attention. For the past month or so, there had been stories. Boys found mutilated. One in the town abattoir, another on the path up La Silla.

'All that property, those estates- who will look after them?'

'The Aunt and Uncle-'

'Poor children.'

'Poor?! You must be joking!'

'The girls are of marrying age. The boys will be looked after.'

The woman who spoke those words caught my eye and smiled. I turned and went back into the hall. An older woman stopped me, hugged me hard, sobbing. I stiffened. She, all of them, only wanted to relieve themselves of remorse and guilt by telling me how sorry they were for my mother's death. It was their duty, but I refused to indulge them, and broke away before she finished speaking.

I slipped out of the house thinking I could escape.

But the crowd spilled into the plaza. The lanterns had just been lit and faces were softened by the glowing light. The warm night air felt good after being inside for so long.

'Antonia!' a distant cousin from my father's side of the family greeted me.

What was his name? Leo? Cleo? Something-O. I hadn't seen him in years, but remembered him for a summer he'd visited us on the farm. Another young man with a face at once so familiar and both strikingly intelligent and kind stood with him.

'Ah, may I introduce you to my sister's husband's nephew- Juan Pablo de Altamira. He's just arrived from Europe-  an explorer!'

'A scientist. I'm a scientist, a botanist,' Altamira smiled modestly, and continued more seriously, and bowed his head closer to mine, 'I'm very sorry about your mother.'

My body shuddered and then relaxed at the sound of his warm voice. I swore I felt the touch of his hand on my own though we stood apart. My cousin continued speaking, but all I could hear was the sound of Altamira's voice.

Tender, strong and knowing all at once.

'A botanist? Oh-'

I had so many questions but found myself at a loss of words for his handsome face. Dark eyes and hair, dressed somewhat unusually I thought, in a sort of modern European fashion that would make him stand out in Caracas.

'Yes, he is a specialist, traveling with some men of importance- a royal society expedition,' my cousin added.

'Your cousin flatters me. I am still learning, not a specialist at all... but I hope to learn much more on this trip. Theo tells me you are interested in the sciences?'

Theo! Of course, how could I have forgotten... he'd spent the summer with us at the farm, the summer of my insect collecting. He'd followed me, pestered me with questions until I let him label jars for beetles.

'I am curious about the natural world,' I replied, half-expecting them to laugh.

But they didn't. Theo turned to greet another relative and left Altamira with me, alone.

'Are you really traveling with the royal society?'

'I am, as an assistant. I'll take notes, measurements, make drawings and so on.'

'And where will you go?'

He detailed his journey and as he spoke, my shoulders dropped even more. I'd been wound up and on edge for weeks. And now, with just the sound of this stranger's voice... I felt at ease. Safe again.

I didn't want him to stop talking, and I listened carefully and asked more questions. If he was surprised at my knowledge of the geography of our country, he hid it well. He spoke to me as though I were his equal. As though I were another explorer who understood the depth of his passion and desire to explore our natural world.

It was as if we'd known one another our entire lives in the half hour we spoke. I was about to ask him to pay me another visit that week, when my aunt grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

'You are needed inside the house. A young woman does not loiter outside her home on the eve of her mother's funeral. You belong inside!'