KillSwitch ─ s. rogers ✓

fifteen

"I DON'T..." Alex trailed off. She gave a small smile. "I don't know where to start."

She and Steve sat about four feet apart on the bench in front of the nursing home. They each kept opening their mouths to say something, then over-thought it and shut their lips. Neither of them had the slightest idea where to begin. Steve never thought he would never actually speak to Alexandra, especially not now. He wasn't prepared for any of this. Alexandra thought that if she ever tracked down Steve, it would take months, and she'd need to railroad him to have a conversation.

"How about the beginning?" Steve finally asked. Alexandra played with the hem of her sweater.

"What's the beginning?"

"Your life."

Alexandra exhaled heavily.

"My mother told people that her husband died in the war to cover up the fact that she wasn't married. When I was a baby, she was doing missions for the SSR, which is how she met my stepfather. They got married when I was a toddler, and my brother Michael was born when I was about five." She looked down. "Things were pretty good. I always wondered who my father was, though, out of curiosity. No matter how much I asked, all she'd ever tell me was that my father was a brave man who died a hero for fighting for what he believed in and saving so many people. I never thought he would be Captain America."

"I didn't either."

"Did you know before you went into the ice?" she asked. Steve shook his head.

"No. It never even occurred to me that this was a possibility."

"I would ask you how it didn't occur to you, but I don't know what happened." Alex cleared her throat. "I don't know how it works."

Steve nearly choked on his own tongue. If she meant what he thought she meant...he didn't want to think about that. He decided to redirect the conversation to any other topic before he had to explain those things to a child he'd known for ten minutes.

"Wasn't exactly on my mind." A beat went by before he added, "How did you end up with Hydra?"

In all honesty, Alex was sick of talking about Hydra. Thinking about it tired her out. She was locked up and abused by Hydra for nearly sixty years, and she didn't want to give them any more of her time. No more ropes binding her in place.

"They kidnapped me because they wanted to try to recreate the super serum from my blood," she explained. "They weren't able to, so I was the next best thing."

For nearly sixty years, Hydra kept Alexandra captured. For nearly seventy years, Bucky was a prisoner too. Both of them must have been tortured and mistreated, and they were forced to kill. How did Steve ask about that? He wanted to know what Hydra did. Or, rather, he didn't want to, but he needed to.

"I...I'm so..." Alex pulled her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her kneecaps. Suddenly, she was crying again, just remembering all of the terrible things Hydra did to her. "Damn it. I'm sorry."

Steve felt like an ice sculpture. A teenaged girl—his daughter, whose DNA he did need to grab for the paternity test Tony was making him do (Tony seemed to have a little too much experience with someone saying he had a kid he didn't know about)—was breaking down next to him. He hadn't exactly been in a situation even remotely close to this before. The only teenager he'd spoken to since being a teenager himself was Sasha, who wasn't much of a crier. He wished Sasha was around, because he knew for a fact that she'd know what to do. Only one other person on his radar had any kind of experience with teenagers.

Oddly, Natasha was the last person Steve ever expected to know about kids until a few days ago. She also knew about taking in a trained assassin child with years of trauma. Unlike Alex with Steve, Sasha wasn't Natasha's biological relative, but close enough. Beggars couldn't be choosers.

"It's..." He floundered for a response. "It's okay."

Alex sniffled.

"This whole thing, uh..." Steve ran a hand through his hair. "This whole thing really blindsided me, and I know it's much harder on you than it is on me."

"Tell me about it." Alex exhaled slowly. "No offense intended, but this is one of the strangest experiences I've ever had."

"Yeah. Well, I have an idea of how to break the ice a little." They both cringed at the unintentional pun. "I think you'll like my friend. She's better than I am at stuff like this."

"Sasha?" Alex asked. "She just collapsed on herself yesterday. So did you."

"No. Actually, Sasha's...legal guardian. Sasha's going to be admitted to another type of hospital, and Natasha's out to take a break. It's a lot. I think she's probably your kind of person." He moved a little closer. "Get out of here, go to a café or something. Continue the conversation and figure out what happens next."

He prayed she would say yes, because he had no idea what else to do. Alex nodded and wiped her eyes. It occurred to him that the only way to get anywhere was on his motorcycle. And they both thought this conversation was the most uncomfortable experience they'd ever had.

★★★

A tiny coffee place near Steve's apartment wound up their destination. Steve got tea, and Alex felt wrong getting anything. She ended up not having a choice; Steve handed her a bottle of water and insisted she drink it in case of dehydration. When Natasha showed up, she bought a cookie, chucked it at Alex's face, and said, "We're not doing this again." Alex didn't know what that meant, and she was scared to ask.

"Is Sasha okay?" She furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her lips. "I don't know what happened. She just collapsed."

"Cardiac arrhythmia," Natasha told her. "She's going to be okay. Her heart's doing alright. We're still working on her head. She's having a hard time, but she's going to be in a place that'll help her work things out. I'm going to go back later to check on her and make sure she isn't being too much of a smartass to her doctors."

Alex smiled.

"That's good to hear." A pause. "The thing about her getting better, not the...other stuff."

"Sarcasm and making jabs at me are two of her greatest skills. Luckily, sarcasm and making jabs at her are two of my greatest skills. Strange dynamic. It's how we work." Natasha smirked. "Maybe you two can be like that."

They were both entertained by the look of horror on Steve's face.

"See? It's fun, isn't it?" Natasha smirked.

"Natasha, don't encour—" Steve cut himself off. There was no point in trying to fight her.

"If you really want to piss him off," Natasha added, "throw around every expletive in your vocabulary around and wait for him to explode."

"Thank you for your support." Steve rolled his eyes. He looked at Nat. "Where are you going after Sasha gets out."

"Back to New York City. It's easy to go unnoticed there. Find new names and decide what our next move is now that S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't around."

Steve glanced back over to Alexandra—Alex, she said she wanted to be called. She had such a pretty face. So innocent. If he had no idea, he would never guess that she was an assassin. Past tense.

He supposed that Alex was his now. She belonged to him. She was also technically a wanted criminal. Tony and the Avengers Tower were in NYC too. Following Nat and Sasha to New York made a lot of sense.

Their eyes met. Alex smiled awkwardly at him, and he smiled back.