KillSwitch ─ s. rogers ✓

fourteen

STEVE didn't know what he was supposed to do now or how he was supposed to feel. He had a daughter who was born in 1945. She was kidnapped by Hydra when she was only ten, and they turned her into an assassin. Despite there being almost sixty years between 1955 and 2014, Alexandra looked only two or three years older than she did in the picture Peggy gave him. Steve's best friend, who Steve thought was dead, was also turned into a Hydra assassin and also looked hardly a couple years older than he was when Steve last saw him near the end of World War II. They both nearly killed Steve and his friends. Then they saved Steve and Sasha. Now Alexandra and Bucky were God knows where in the world.

He was still very stuck on the thing about having a daughter. They hadn't exactly been thinking behind the filing shelves. It was just a thing that happened. Steve was an ice block before he had a chance to process, and when he woke up, he had far more pressing things on his mind. This possibility never occurred to him.

He kept taking the picture out and examining it. He could see himself in Alexandra. She was pretty, just like her mother. The more he looked at it, the more he came to terms with it, and the more beautiful she got. He felt himself accepting the fact that Alexandra was his daughter, and he wondered what things might have been like had Steve not disappeared.

If Steve hadn't gone into the ice, maybe he and Peggy would have gotten married. Even if they hadn't, not that the 40s looked kindly on those who took that route, or if it didn't work out, he would have made sure he was a good father to her. His father wasn't around when he was growing up, and knowing that he let the same thing happen to his own daughter twisted his stomach into knots. Steve wished he had been there to see her grow up, to hold her hand for all of her first steps, to protect her from all of these terrible things that happened.

God, he missed so much. He missed so much, and he didn't know how to reverse the damage.

Figuring out where to start was stumbling around in the dark. Steve didn't even know what he was starting. He supposed it made sense to start with trying to figure out who Alexandra was before Hydra. Her file didn't tell him much beyond the bare basics, and it listed her kills. A long list, but nowhere near as long as Bucky's, and nowhere near as notorious. Bucky's thing was major, obvious hits. She slipped in and out of places quietly, slitting throats from behind and creeping around in rafters.

Sam didn't really have any suggestions for how to go about all of this, and Natasha, the local expert on taking in a child assassin, was a little busy with the fact that Sasha was admitted to an eating disorder residential. This left Steve all alone in his quest. He decided he might as well start with Peggy, seeing as he had no other ideas.

Steve kept adjusting his t-shirt on his way into the nursing home. The first and only other time he came here, he'd been nervous, but not this nervous. He ran a hand through his gelled hair and walked up to the front desk.

"Hi, I'm—" he began, but the bubbly girl behind the desk recognized him immediately.

"You're Steve Rogers, right?" Jayne said. "You came here a few days ago to visit Peggy Carter. I'm guessing that's why you're back?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Yes."

Her smile changed a little bit.

"Just so you know, there's already family here to see her, but I can still let you go back there, since the maximum number of visitors per person is four..." Jayne trailed off as someone came slinking into the lobby. At first, Steve didn't recognize the girl. A sweater, skinny jeans, and canvas lace-up boots looked very different on her than a leather catsuit did. She was crying, too. It took him a minute, but eventually, he put the pieces together.

Alex noticed him standing there. Her eyes moved from the floor up to Steve's face. Clearly, neither of them knew what to say.

"Do you, uh..." Jayne cleared her throat. "Do you still want to go see her, Mr. Rogers?"

"Uh...I...I think I'll come back another day," he said Then he glanced back at Alex, who tore her eyes away from him as Michael and Elizabeth came into the lobby. After Alex visited Peggy, she told the two of them that she would wait there. What happened next wasn't explicitly stated, but Alex planned to say goodbye, wander around the city, and see if she could find Sasha or Steve or someone who could help her.

Now here Steve was, right in front of her.

Now here Alexandra was, right in front of Steve.

Michael and Elizabeth looked at each other. Alex Carter wasn't the same person as Alexandra Carter, and there was no sense in holding onto her like she was. Of course Michael didn't want to lose her again, but he also couldn't tie her down. They had to live their own lives. If Alex needed to stay with him, then so be it. It was an option. She was simply free to do as she pleased, just so long as she agreed to stay in touch somehow.

"I came to talk to Peggy about..." Steve gestured to Alex as he spoke to her. "I thought she might have answers about what I didn't know, but I...I think you can answer my questions a little better."

Michael and Elizabeth looked at each other again.

"I'll take your badge." Michael stuck out his hand and grabbed Alex's visitor's badge. "If you go anywhere, come see me. You're always welcome if you want to come back. Just...keep in contact."

"Absolutely."

The two of them hugged for a solid thirty seconds before separating.

"Bye." Alex waved. Then she followed Steve out the door on their way to God knows where.