wow...cindy, no | lgbt+

6 | part one

Constantly feeling butterflies throwing a party inside you gets draining when you can't do anything about it.

Tonight I'll dare to go beyond the butterflies. See what's on the other side. Even if it means I'll end up with my heart broken. It's already a shitty year, adding one more bad thing to the mix won't kill me. . .I hope. 

I make sure I gathered everything I need to take with me tonight: my phone fully charged (on mute), garage keys inside my pocket, a ten dolar bill, just in case.

I spin to check myself in the mirror for the last time. I got my best jeans on and a white t-shirt. I wish I could do something about my overly voluminous bawl haircut. But I don't have time for it.

I stand still for a while, trying to catch any sounds coming from outside my room. The house is silent enough. So, I walk up to the window.

I open the window, mentally warming myself up to step into the autumn cold air, seemingly still above the tiles of the roof hip. I climb on the edge of the window and step onto the roof with hesitation. 

Pressing one foot on the surface helps me to test how slippery and brittle it is. Not very. The second foot is good to go. I crouch and start moving forward. The feeling of dust on my hands is the worst, but I ignore it and keep going.

I'm glad there's a street lamp shedding some light on the roof. Otherwise I wouldn't know where the edge of the roof is.

Squatting as I move forward helps me keep my balance. I reach the edge and smile at myself. So far, so smooth. Nothing beats careful planning.

I'm on the edge of the roof now. I glance downwards and shut my eyes immediately. Bad idea. Fourteen feet look much higher from up here.

Opening my eyes just to see enough, I shift my position, so my legs face the ground. They hang in the air as I push myself farther past the edge of the roof.

I'm waiting for my body to be ready to jump. But tile I'm gripping with my right hand clicks. My eyes widen. And the block cracks before I can transition to another thought. I let go and fumble with and arm, catching the gutter just as the other tile gives in, sending me sliding out of the roof.

The bolts that fasten the gutter to the wall unscrew, my weight pulling the bar downwards. Metal clangs and screeches as it bends. I'm going down.

I slump on the ground hard, the impact making me lose my breath for a moment. The pain almost makes me enter a dissociative state.

I lay sprawled above mom's flowers, grunting and feeling cold water and dirt beneath me. It hurts so much.

I try to stand, but the pain stings me at the slightest movement. My lower back is burning. Have I broken something? 

After two other failed attempts to stand, I surrender to what needs to happen if I don't want to die here. I rehearse the world mentally before letting it out, "Mom. Help." Even speaking hurts. I start crying.

I start counting it my head. At ten seconds, I hear rushed steps inside the house. Keys chink at fiften seconds. At seventeen the door creaks open.

"Oh my god," she says at twenty seconds, "stay inside, Soni. Mommy is coming, okay?" I hear her say, my eyes lost in the blackness of the sky. 

"Jay!" Her voice is cracking. I shut my eyes. I don't want to see any of this. "What do you think you are doing?" I can almost sense a sob coming. She's mad. Hysterical. She's approaching me. Then, all of a sudden, her shouts cease, like a movie put on pause.

I keep my eyes closed. Waiting for a confirmation of what's happening. "Open your eyes, Jay."  Yes, he's here. I open my eyes to Cindy. He's looking down at me with a pained expression.

When I look at Lia, she's frozen, wide-eyed and hands covering her mouth. Cindy throws her a brief glance too. He purses his lips. 

"Okay," Cindy sighs, "this was pretty dumb of you. You didn't have to do this."

"Why didn't you come sooner?" I ask, grunting from the pain it causes me, but I continue anyway. "I have been so confused lately. You know it. I thought you were my friend. Where have you been? I just wanted someone to talk, maybe it could have avoided this. Go ahead. Scold me. It's too late now. You can join the party and tell me how dumb I am," I say. 

The silence that ensues is oppressing. Cindy remains serene. 

"I'm sorry," I say, "I just—" I can't find the right words.

"Close your eyes. This is gonna be bright." The air condenses around his hand and his magic stick is now trapped among his fingers.

I do as he says. I feel a slight warmth running through my entire body, the light against my eyelids making me see tones of red and orange, even with my eyes shut. There's a burning sensation on my lower back that remains there for a moment, ceasing gradually until I can't feel it anymore.

"That'll fix the broken rib," Cindy says. 

Shit. It was that bad.

He helps me stand then hugs me. "Jay," he says, pondering for a moment. "I hate this job. I'm going to quit. But I will never, ever abandon you, okay?" He caresses my cheek.

"But what are you going to do when you go back where you come from?" He doesn't respond. "You didn't tell me you could just renounce," I say.

"Leave it to me, honey." I can tell he is anxious judging by his incomplete smile. He claps twice, lifting powder-like sparks in the air. He throws a brief glance at Lia, who is still there frozen.

"Right now, I need to get you to this party. It's not every day that you decide to confront Jord." He winks at me.

He swirls his hands and the surrounding sparks thicken to form a curtain of light. The lit veil shrinks around me, like a blanket trapping me. I look down in awe as the tear that opened in my pants from the fall is covered but a new layer of jeans fabric.

When I can see the rest of my pants again, they're the ocean blue color they used to have when I bought them last year.

The sparks reach the white fabric of my t-shirt, its touch to my skin becomes softer. Only when the light is working its way to my hair, I can see that I'm now wearing a fine shirt buckled around my waist with a black belt I didn't have before.

Cindy brings a mirror to me and I see the once messy bawl hairdo perfectly cut on the sides. I smile at my sight.

"Ready to be teleported?" he asks.

"No," my answer comes with a panicked yell.

Cindy frowns at the reaction. "Really?" he asks, hands resting on his waist.

"I mean. The party won't start until about an hour from now. I was thinking about walking." I look at Lia again, just to make sure she is still there. She hasn't moved one inch. "But now I think I can use my bicycle."

Cindy lifts both his hands in the air. "Suit yourself then," he says. 

I go to the garage and return with my bicycle. "Will she remember?" I ask.

"No. I'll take care of the gutter and put a sleeping double of you in your bed. She'll probably think she's going crazy though," he says lightly. 

"Thanks, Cindy."

"Oh, wait." He fires a beam of golden light to my pocket. "You're good to go now."

"What is it?" I ask, touching the exterior of my pockets.

Cindy mouths the word 'condoms'

"I don't need them." I can feel my cheeks burning as I say the words.

"Then just don't use them." He winks. "Now go, I have things to do around here. If you need me, you don't even have to call. I'll be there. Have fun. Bye."

Gesturing his fingers towards the exit, he drags my bike outside with his magic, pulling me with it. I can't complain when he's just saved from hospitalization.