Summertime (Frerard)

50: The Best Part Of Believe Is The Lie

"You should stop being in love with me."

And the silence that followed was jaw dropping, but then again so was his statement, and perhaps this was just the kind of silence that it warranted.

"What the fuck are you saying, Gerard?" Came my instant response, words wary and voice shaking just a little more than it should, as I froze, mid putting my school shirt on, my boyfriend watching as I got ready for school from the bed, and sat almost awkwardly upon it as his lips set free the kind of confessions that should never leave the darkest corners of his brain.

"I'm saying what I'm thinking, and you already seem to have my whole mind and mental condition exactly figured out, don't you, Frank?" He rolled his eyes, making a reference to the little box of pills on the bedside table - untouched this morning, yet we'd barely been up fifteen minutes, so I wasn't about to get up his ass about it already, but the time was coming soon.

"Gerard, just fucking drop it. Why on earth would you ever think that I could ever stop loving you, no matter how hard I tried - like even if I wanted to." I sighed, shaking my head as I finished buttoning up my shirt, and neglected tucking it in, mainly because I didn't particularly fancy looking like an asshole today.

"You do though." He sighed, throwing himself back down onto the bed, and his mind whirring in a manner that I didn't even want to think about, because no matter how hard I tried, and no matter how much I hated that fact, I knew that there was always something about Gerard that I'd never come to understand. "You wish things would be simple and that you could just hate me and not want to fuck me after I've slapped you, but you like that. You fucking like this - you like us as we are, and you even get off on it... the whole fucking punching and fucking thing. You're fucking weird, Iero."

"Gerard... I... what? Just what?" I exhaled, turning to meet my boyfriend's gaze as I tightened my tie around my neck, meeting the twenty three year old's gaze almost hopelessly. "Just take your fucking pills, okay? I assume you're happy now that you can paint me as this messed up sociopathic asshole that only manipulates you into taking some fucking pills, but really, Gerard, as hard as it is to believe, I actually care about an asshole like you, and I actually worry about what will happen when you don't take your pills, and then just how messed up things get, huh?"

"I love you." He came to whisper, almost as a last resort, like he'd given up all hope in everything help and that this now was just a broken and pleading beg.

"I know." I sighed, swallowing, and running a hand through my hair. "Look, I've got to get to school soon, but I'm not leaving until you've taken your pills and had something to eat and promised me that we're already and that you won't do anything stupid today."

"You don't trust me on my own, do you?" Gerard rolled his eyes, almost smirking to himself, like this was some sort of accomplishment and really, it sickened me.

"No, not fucking after you killed your ex-boyfriend and nearly got us killed with some stupid fucking plan of yours." I snapped out, not giving myself quite enough time to regret it afterwards, shoving the box of pills in my boyfriend's direction as I surveyed my reflection in the mirror and deemed it adequate, before joining the red-haired asshole on the bed with the two pills in the palm of his hand.

"I'm sorry." He whimpered out, biting down on his bottom lip until it became swollen under the pressure. "I'm really fucking sorry, Frankie, I just... I'm messed up, and my life's messed up, and you're you, and you just don't deserve to have to fight this shit with me."

"Gee, please, I love you. So much, and you know what? You mean so much to me, you mean the most that anyone ever has... look, we'll try - I'll try, and we'll work out, look I want us to work out, and I'm going to try. I promise you that, but you have to try too."