Emma That is Dead (FREE!)

Chapter Three

Emma's Journal Entry

August 27

Today's assignment: Introduce yourself.

When I was thirteen, I swore I'd never keep a diary again. It was stupid, I said. Childish. A colossal waste of time.

I was lying, of course.

It was because Kobe Newman stole it from my backpack and read it out loud in the cafeteria for the entire seventh-grade class to hear. My New Year's resolution to become the most popular girl in junior high. The elated entry on the day I finally started my period (don't ask me why I was so damned excited). Even the poem I wrote to Smith Anderson, declaring my undying love.

To be fair, that last confession worked in my favor. After Kobe's humiliating lunchtime broadcast, Smith stopped by my locker and asked if it was true. Can you believe it?! He actually came out and said that TO MY FACE! I confessed because I am a strong and independent woman, who doesn't shy away from making the first move—and frankly, I couldn't think of a suitable excuse on a whim. As lame as it sounds, the rest is history. We've been together ever since.

Mom says I'm too young to be in this kind of relationship. I should be enjoying the single life. Dating different guys, and not committing myself to one.

"You have plenty of time to settle down," she loves to remind me.

Between you and me, I think she's afraid I'll follow in her footsteps. But no way am I getting pregnant at eighteen. Not that there's anything wrong with it, as long as you're capable of caring for a child and have a significant other who plans to stick around. But there are too many things I want to do, and juggling a newborn along with higher education, like my parents did, isn't one of them.

Besides, Smith is amazing. Smart, kind. Drop-dead gorgeous. He can have any girl he wants, and after all this time, I still can't believe it's me. From the outside looking in, we make the perfect couple. I'd be a fool to give him up.

So here I am, nearly three years later, jotting down my first entry for Mr. Zhang's AP psychology class. Way to dredge up junior high PTSD, Mr. Zhang! What kind of teacher does that?

My friends warned me to stay away from advanced psych. They said the workload is intense, and the teacher condescending. But I didn't listen. I like a challenge, and have always been curious about the way the mind works. Who knows, it may even be something I'd like to pursue in college one day.

My parents say psychologists are useless. That people can fix their problems on their own and not pay some overpriced quack to intervene. But what do they know? They've had the same hang-ups for as long as I can remember and have done exactly shit about them. So much for figuring them out on their own, right? Regardless, I know therapy works. I've seen it happen.

I read somewhere that the reason most people are interested in human behavior is because they're fucked up themselves. I believe it. Take Sigmund Freud for example, the so-called "Father of Psychology". He's one of the most famous scientists that ever lived, inventing therapeutic techniques, and proving cultural differences have an impact on psychology and demeanor.

He got some things right, but the dude was crazier than a soup sandwich. He believed that homosexual men are a product of neuroticism, yet homosexual women are riddled with mental illness. Talk about a double standard! He even proposed a theory that stated children are at fault for their childhood sexual abuse because it's the child that pursues the abuser, and not the other way around. And don't get me started on the Oedipus complex!! Even with my limited life experience, I know you can't get much more fucked up than Freud.

But I'm getting off track. Once a week, Mr. Zhang wants us to "document our feelings to better understand ourselves and our emotions". How cliche, Mr. Zhang. He couldn't come up with anything better? For an AP class, this assignment disappoints me. Doesn't he realize that's what best friends are for? To help us understand ourselves and our emotions? And as far as those go, I'm pretty lucky. Arbor Hayes is the bestest friend a girl could ask for. I tell her everything—well, almost everything. Some things I keep to myself. We've lived next door to each other our entire lives, and I trust her more than anyone. But everyone has secrets, right? I mean, it's human nature.

Our assignment today is simply to introduce ourselves. Sooo get ready for it! My name is Emma Giselle Navarro. I'm sixteen-years-old and captain of the girls' varsity soccer team. We won the state championship two years in a row and I've recently heard rumors that college scouts are watching (eep!). I have a 4.5 grade point average and am vice president of the junior class, alongside Smith, our trusted president. Didn't I say he was amazing?!

Riveting, huh?

So, for the remainder of my junior year at Gabriel E. Menteuse High School, in boring, old Menteuse, Ohio, snuggled in the rolling foothills of the totally overrated and embarrassingly redneck Appalachian Mountains, I will be documenting my feelings to better understand myself and my emotions. *insert rolling eye emoji here*