Some mornings it's hard getting out of bed. Some mornings it's almost impossible. Even with proper medication, there are days where you just don't have the energy to crawl out from under the safety of your bedsheets to try and face the day. Even if that day consists of nothing more than sitting on the couch watching TV or playing video games. Some mornings the simple act of breathing feels like a painful responsibility that you would gladly give away if there was someone else nearby who could take that burden from you.
This is one of those mornings.
This is a morning where the very thought of turning on the TV, of deciding what to watch, almost brings me to tears. Answering the questions of whether I'm hungry or not, do I want breakfast, should I have some coffee, should I go to the bathroom are all thunderous accusations that I try to hide from.
And then follows the spiral.
No longer thinking about just breakfast, the rest of the day comes spilling through. What about lunch, what about dinner, do I have enough food to last out the day so I can avoid grocery shopping, can I handle being around people, what about all the noise outside, will that overwhelm me, how do I get there, am I able to walk, will I give up halfway through, should I even bother trying since I don't think I'll make it anyway, oh god I don't know what to do ...
And now, guilt.
The guilt of inability. The guilt of anxiety. The guilt of panic. The guilt of depression. The guilt of having a mental disorder that causes these thoughts to swirl through my head, incapacitating me for I don't know how long.
This is that morning.
Writing this is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.
It may not be enough.
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Shit Happens - Lessons learned so you don't have to
HumorEVERYTHING IS A LIE, EXCEPT FOR WHAT ISN'T This is a work of fiction with a semi-autobiographical nature to it. The topics discussed here within are not at all based on our personal experiences and reflections on both ourselves and those around us...
