the star | jinji

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

I was quietly staring ahead, not even looking at Jinyoung. I am trying to keep myself calm before I start to tell him everything. I never prepared myself for this, I intended to keep it a secret, but I never realized that we'll meet again, and I just had to tell him everything.

Telling him means I must show my vulnerable side to him. It's not that I don't want him to see me like this, I just... don't want to reopen wounds that I have been trying to forget all these years.

"Are we going to just stare ahead?" Jinyoung looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. He fixed his cap and put his hands on his coat's pocket, half of his face is covered with a mask.

I gave him a tight smile. "Alright. I'll... tell you. I was just preparing myself."

I fished my phone from my bag and sent a text to Yeri and Irene, telling them that I'll be back after telling Jinyoung everything. I told them to take care of the boys because this talk may take long or would drain me.

After typing and pressing the send button, I put my phone back in my bag and looked at Jinyoung. I can sense how annoyed he is at me, since I kept delaying and tried to not talk. But of course, there's no turning back. I just have to tell him now. It's fate that put us back together. Maybe for us to continue moving on and not staying at the past.

I heaved a sigh before looking straight at Jinyoung. I smiled sadly at him. "You know, I never wanted to leave you. Who would dare leaving someone that they love so much?"

I saw how he clenched his jaw. "But you left."

I nodded slowly. "I had no choice, I just had to."

"You have a choice, and you chose to leave me."

I shook my head, biting my lower lip. "Please, don't think of it that way. I never intended to leave you. I just know that you're already the one for me. Why would I leave you knowing about that fact? It's you or no one."

I held my hand, rubbing it since it was getting cold around us. I should have brought a coat. These wrong timings, I thought it would not be super cold and that this sweater is thick enough for me. I hate my undecisive self.

"Then why? Stop beating around the bush and tell me, Jisoo." Jinyoung locked gazes with me. I can still see his eyes, it's so reddish and puffy.

We both cried a while ago, no other words; we didn't talk and just cried our hearts out. We just had to have a time to recollect ourselves. I never knew that both of us were hurting so bad, deep inside. Who would have known that it would resurface and hurt us again?

"Because my life is so fucked up, Jinyoung." My voice cracked; tears are threatening to fall once again. Why can't my tears stop?

"I want you to know that you're the only best thing that happened in my life. I was so broken. I am a lost soul, who doesn't even know where I should go. You saw me when I was lost and brought me back to the path where I should belong." I bitterly smiled as I looked at him. "God knows how much I love you, you're basically my everything, Jinyoung."

"Nothing came in line to what I planned for my life. I was basically existing, not living. I'm just that person who doesn't have a will in life." I wiped my tears. "Which is why I can't thank you enough for giving me a reason to live my life to the fullest."

I looked at him to see what reactions he has. Jinyoung was just staring at me, his eyes full of questions and I can see how he's so confused on what I am saying.

"You see, I've been keeping this as a secret. Maybe because it's a wound that I never wanted to bring back?" I laughed a bit, trying to make the atmosphere a bit lighter. "Now that I have to bring it up again, it scares me, a lot."