I clearly can remember our last walk. Our real last walk. We went to the rivier and walked across. The river is one of the most silent places I know. Well not really silent, but you probably know what I mean.
When we walked there we told eachother everything. The most useless things about school and boys, but also the way we felt about our mom. You can say that we never liked her. So much happened and dad was always the one who protected us. But he still loved our mom.
One of the things we talked about was one of my
dads secrets. My sister only knew that secret and i did wanna know. I kept asking her.
'Why wouldn't you just tell me? Im never gonna say anything to anyone, you know that!' I said.
'Because it's a secret and someone tells you that because it's a secret!' She said.
'Yea sure! But if its a secret, why do you know huh?' and I rolled my eyes
'It's not fear that you talk to me like that! You know i can't.' when she said that she stopped walking and looked at me. 'Its complicated you know..'
'Dad told me because I panicked, what if he would've die? He know he was very sick so he hadn't really long to live anymore. Thats why he told me..' She smiled at me. 'Im gonna tell you when i'm ready? Okay?' I looked back at her and smiled. 'Okay fine.' I said, I was kinda sad that she didn't told me but it's okay, I didn't wanna push anybody it could break all the trust we had in eachother.
We continued our walk. 'Do you want one airpod?' she said. It was an gift from dad. 'Yea sure.' i said. Together we put a airpod in. There was a song from Billie Eilish. My sister loved her. As long as Billie was famous she tried to go to a concert, but they were all sold out, every time. I didn't know that this was the last song we listened together, because that night.
She killed herself.
On my sisters funeral we didn't knew wich songs she wanted, so i said that she loved Billie Eilish.
Maybe it sounds weird but i didn't even cry on her funeral, maybe because i saw her everyday and we talked. She told me how happy she was that we played Billie Eilish.
There was always one question in my head, it was a really weird question. That night when i saw my sister i asked her.
'Do you see dad?'
