Beautiful Pain

Prologue

They said life starts after death.

I agree.

Today was my final death.

My sentence will be served.

But my future also starts today.

2 months 1 day 9 hours 23 minutes

When that door opens.

Rebirth will begin.

You came in without noticing the now colorless walls void of our memories. The heavy air that was waiting to shatter by our confessions. You came directly to your room not noticing me watching you from the sofa.

I bet you didn't even notice your bare room without my things.

But that was okay. Because I got used to it.

Jungkook was about to leave again but he stopped in his tracks and turn to me.

You had a guilty look in your eyes.

'I thought you were at work already.' You said.

I only smiled. 'Are you busy?' i asked.

You sighed. And I see another lie forming. 'Unfortunately yes. I'm sorry for not being here all the time. It's just work is overwhelming.'

'Then can I have just a minute?'

'Jimin...'

'This won't take long.'

Jungkook sighed and heavily sat at the chair infront of me.

'Jungkook-ah do you like me?'

'what kind of question is that? Of course I do. Your my bestfriend and partner.' You said without looking at me.

'Do you love me then?'

'What kind of question..."

"It's just yes or no."

"Your my soulmate you know I-I"

"Jungkook, you know what I meant. All i need is a word. Either a yes or no?"

There was silence and yet I know what was coming.

Your forehead creased. "I-I dont know."

"I know everything Kookie-ah." From looking down you snapped your gaze to me. " You don't have to lie anymore. I know Taehyung is back. I know that your meeting him. And I know you still love him."

"Jimin-ah I-I just. Please I can explain."

" Im not angry Kookie-ah. But just be honest for me. Just this once. Choose. Him or me?"

" you know I can't Jimin ah. Your a part of me. I couldn't just let you go. I know it will hurt you and I am a selfish bastard for hurting you. But please."

"We cant have it all. I learned that the hardway. So please answer me."

You grabbed my hands so tight. There was warmth but there were no comfort in them.

I cupped your cheeks and look you in the eye.

"Then I'll choose. " I kissed your forehead. One last time.

"I'm sick of waiting for love. Of being the second choice. This time I choose to let you go." With a squeeze on your sweaty hands I slowly detangled my hands from yours.

"thank you for everything Jungkook ah be happy. It's time to go. Goodbye, my soulmate."

I guess this was the most painful smile you have ever witnessed but it was the most genuine I could give you. Raw and honest.

My heart is cracked, but its still not broken.

When close the door.I knew a new book waits for me.

To me who walked away and began,

It's so odd, I loved you so much for sure
I adapted myself entirely to you, I wanted to live for you
But as I kept doing so, I became unable to bear the storm inside my heart
I got to fully reveal my true self under the smiling mask

I'm the one I should love in this world
The shining me, the precious soul of mine
I realize only now, so I love me
Even if it's a little lacking, it's so beautiful

I'm the one I should love
(Even if I'm shaking and afraid, I walk on forward)
(I meet the real you, whom I had hidden inside the hurricane)

Why did I, like this,
Want to hide away my precious self
What was I so afraid of
That I had to hide my true self

I'm the one I should love in this world
My shining self, my precious soul
I finally realise it So I love me
Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful
I'm the one I should love

I might be a little bit blunt and inadequate
You might not be able to see such things as a shy sparkle
But the fact that this version of me is my real self
My arms and legs, heart and soul that I have lived with until now

I want to love them in this world
The shining me, the precious soul of mine
I realize only now, so I love me
Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful

I'm the one I should love

Loving,
Park Jimin