black holes.

moon

jackson and jinyoung stay the night. which, yugyeom isn't sure how to feel about.

he's stuck between feeling grateful that the reason why they didn't seek him out earlier wasn't because his two friends weren't interested in him, but instead were having some trouble in paradise, but at the same time he wants to seek his solitude and listen to music all day.

(and also smoke with his window open glaring at bambam's window on the second floor, muttering about stupid boys and girls who don't know how to back off.)

but here he is, at 11 p.m. watching the french indie horror film Raw which he is 100% sure jackson is going to be moaning on about nightmare fuel and whatnot later on.

jinyoung and jackson are sandwiched between yugyeom, a bowl of popcorn and spicy doritos balanced on yugyeom's bony knee.

jackson is preventing yugyeom from enjoying the scene where the main character starts to eat her sisters' thumb because he keeps whimpering and huddling into yugyeom's space.

jinyoung on the other hand is munching so loudly on the popcorn that yugyeom swears the older boy is doing it on purpose. he knows yugyeom hates it when people do that when he's watching a movie.

by the time the credits are rolling and yugyeom attempts to swallow the bile of vomit itching his throat after seeing the dad's disfigured body, jackson's head is tucked into his neck and jinyoung powers off the television as he puts the bowl on the table.

it's about two in the morning and yugyeom wonders if jaebum will be coming home today. it's not the first time his two friends have slept over, in fact yugyeom's pretty sure there are some of their clothing scattered in his drawers and closet.

"hey, dude." yugyeom shakes jackson, trying to get him to wake up. "hyung c'mon, get up."

jinyoung comes over behind them to flick jackson's ear and jackson immediately sits up, sleepy eyes glaring at yugyeom who looks offended that he's the first to blame.

"it's finished?" jackson yawns loudly, his fists purposefully bumping into yugyeom's face, which ouch, the nasty hit from earlier still aches. yugyeom tsks in annoyance and bites jackson's hand, the boy yelping and pouting.

"yeah, it was pretty gross though so it's a good thing you slept through it." jinyoung's voice wilts in from the kitchen where he can hear the lull of running water.

jackson scrunches his nose, "was there more eating humans?"

yugyeom snorts, "her sister made her eat a corpse and then killed the roommate."

"you mean the gay dude?"

"the supposed gay dude."

jackson shivers in disgust and yeah, yugyeom gets it. the movie was pretty great, but cannibalism is just not a topic to be taken lightly.

he needs a smoke to calm down his nerves and keep the food from earlier in his stomach. jackson finally gets up, following jinyoung's shadow in the kitchen and rummaging for the sweets they bought from the store.

yugyeom also gets up and stretches, he grabs a cigarette and flicker, yelling about going outside for a quick smoke.

jinyoung calls at him to throw the trash while he's at it and yugyeom complains before doing exactly that. outside the pavement is streaked in misty water, the reflection of the dim yellow streetlamps looking watery on the ground like a dirty mirror.

bambam's house is dark, most likely the people asleep in dreamland. without his will, yugyeom's eyes flicker over to the infamous second floor window.

the glow of his cigarette looks mesmerizing in the painting he makes on the windy spring night. unlike the other day, there are no stars blinking the night sky. just flashes of red from the satellites and polluting clouds that string away.

even the moon seems dimmer on this early morning, her light soothing yugyeom's cool skin and reminding him of his mother's smile and laughter. he misses her, wonders how she is, where she's living – but she's gone, having left them behind.

he blinks away the tears and coughs as he mistakenly breathes in the smoke into the wrong pipe. he throws the stub and presses down on it with his sandals, picking it up and throwing it into the trash.

yugeyom really should get it going, he has school today and his stomach is twisting itself into nerves as he thinks about most likely stumbling into jungkook or bambam.

he sighs, whatever. he'll just avoid them, pretend that he was way too drunk to remember anything.

the only thing he regrets from that night is having left his backpack and his precious treasure: his skateboard.

(a lie. yugyeom regrets arguing with bambam. he regrets not telling bambam he loves him. he regrets kissing jungkook. he regrets drinking. he regrets letting that girl hang off from bambam's shoulder. he regrets going to the party. yugyeom sinks himself in the quicksand of regret. it's what he's good at.)