black holes.

mercury

the bus drops him off a few blocks away from his house. yugyeom bids the bus driver a farewell and carefully begins walking towards his street.

the ride to his house has definitely sobered him up almost completely, though there are certain memories being entertained within his mind that yugyeom cannot distinguish between mere dreams or an actual memory.

he hopes it's a memory, his insides squirm at the possibility and uncomfortableness of jungkook's hands and knees pressing into places that yugyeom has never shown to the wandering eye.

yugyeom wraps his arms around himself, the panic has taken over his body. he thinks about bambam and the people want to talk 'with' you. wonders who people is, if they're bambam.

he recalls jungkook finding him and leaning close into his personal space (he remembers feeling afraid, angry, and desperate).

he remembers catching bambam's eye for a split of a second with jungkook pressed close to him and the clawing emotion of rage and envy splattering over his heart like ink on paper.

and he remembers lips, soft wet lips that traced his own and hands pushing him on top of a bed and knees pressing against his dick and fingers wandering to the seam of his jeans to wrap themselves –

yugyeom stumbles to the ground. He falls face down onto wet, dewy grass. "ow, shit."

he tries to pick himself up, put his body feels so heavy and his mind is full, hazy in its own memories. besides, the sky looks pretty from here.

he hasn't seen the stars out in such a long time, can't even really know for sure if they're actual stars or just blurry dots painted by his tears.

there are no cars passing by the street and yugyeom allows himself, just for a few seconds to close his eyes and stop the voices of an angry bambam and a drunk jungkook.

+

ah. fuck.

why is he so thirsty? he needs to pee, like right now. why is his bed all hard and wet? oh jeez no, nora didn't pee on his bed again did she? c'mon, he just did laundry a week ago! this is why yugyeom doesn't like her sweeping around in his room, if only jaebum –

the world comes back to yugyeom. With a start, yugyeom stands up straight, his back is curved uncomfortable and his neck is aching.

last night and the early morning is rushing to his forefront and the regret of everything he did is back in full force. yugyeom groans, his breath stinks and he feels gross and sweaty everywhere.

yugyeom looks around his surroundings, the house at the entrance of his street is in front of him and he finds himself lying on the front yard of the large apartment complex.

it is still early morning and yugyeom catches the curious eyes of a few people who are out for their morning run. yugyeom gulps and nods a hello but avoids directly looking at them, he doesn't want any attention – too ashamed and embarrassed.

he gathers himself up as quickly as he can, but finds himself swaying in dizziness and tries to breathe in and out through his nose – his breath really does stink.

yugyeom crinkles his nose, the air is a little humid which makes his already sweaty shirt and jeans stick onto his skin in that uncomfortable way it does after being outside too long.

he's also really thirsty and in need of using the bathroom. there are thoughts and words that want to squeeze their way to his forefront, but yugyeom blocks them out.

he wants to get home, shower and take a fat nap – forget about the entire night and not wake up until school starts.

yugyeom feels the ache of sleeping drunk and waking up from the ground pulling his entire body downwards, he makes sure to avoid turning to stare at bambam's house.