Diary of an Introvert

57.1: Have I fallen in love?

What is love? I asked myself. Searching the net, I knew that it was a simple word too complex to explain.

"It's when your heart beats fast!"
Isn't it palpitation?
"It's the butterflies in your stomach. Yung di ka mapakali kung nandiyan siya."
Nervousness?

I have friends who would define and give examples that would somehow make me think again...and again.

I like a lot of guys. I do feel that fast heart beats. I also felt those annoying butteflies in my stomach. I do get jealous. My heart also aches.

But is it love?  Have I fallen in love? What does it mean to fall in love? Again, what is love?

Girls my age, or even younger than me were walking side by side, holding hands with their so called special ones while me still stuck at being ordinary.

Ah. I remembered back when I was young, I don't receive lots of attention from my family, to a point that I'll believe the things that I also made up. I was overly positive about so.

Ah. So I guess, I was not in love with the person. It was their kindness. It's how they treat me that I'm falling for. Those affections are new and I want to be showered with it.

Their kindness made me think that I'm special. Made me hope, think, and infatuated with the feeling itself.

Ha.

I guess I'm not in love afterall.
I haven't fallen in love yet.