Diary of an Introvert

58: Bittersweet

We're having our usual dinner date but why do I feel like something's wrong? 

He held my hands, let out an exhausted sigh, and looked at my eyes. 

"Cal? A---anong problema? Pinapakaba mo naman ako eh." 

"Cee...I've been thinking about this for a while now. I talked with my family and friends already and...I...don't have enough courage to tell this to you but..." He paused and pulled my hands to his face. "I got promoted." 

I laughed. "Hay! Ano ba namang drama yan! Akala ko kung ano na. Cal, huwag mo nga akong tinatakot ng ganyan pwede? And why are you sad? This calls for a celebration!" 

He closed his eyes and sighed again. "I'll be transferred to our branch in Japan." 

I felt a sudden pain in my heart. "Japan?" I repeated. "Kailan?" 

"Next week." 

"Next...week...?" I can feel the tears ready to come out my eyes. I told them to hold on and wait. Not yet. Not yet, please. Mamaya nalang sa bahay pwede? I forced myself to smile. "Bakit ngayon mo lang to sinabi sakin? Edi sana nakapagplano tayo ng maayos? Natulungan pa kita sa pag-aayos mo---" 

"Cee---" 

"How's your passport? Yung luggage mo and---" 

"Cee, please---" He pulled me to him and embraced me. "Hindi mo kailangang magkunwari. Please tell me what you really feel." 

I grabbed his shirt as tears finally fell out my eyes. "Don't go." I begged.

Years before I met this guy, I'm a proud pretender. Now, here I am, telling him my selfish desires.

I know I should support him but I...

Can't I be selfish? Just this time...I want to be selfish.

He let me go and lifted my face to him. "Ano ba yan..." He wiped my tears using his hands. "I know you'd be like this kaya nga nag-aalangan akong sabihin sayo eh. Hay..." 

He, too, started crying.

"Uhhh...bakit ka naman umiyak?! Kainis ka eh!" I got my handkerchief and wiped his tears.

He hugged me again. "I'm sorry." 

"Bakit ka naman nag-so-sorry? May nagawa ka bang kasalanan ha?" 

"I accepted the promotion without talking to you first. I just---" 

I interrupted him with a kiss. "I know. I know how much you worked to get that promotion. Alam kong matagal mo nang pinagplanuhan yan even before we met...kaya naman...kahit na..." Here goes my tears again. Ano ba?!   "...hindi na kita pipigilan, Cal. Hindi madali pero...kailangan kong tanggapin, right?" 

"It's true na matagal ko na nga itong pinaplano and it's not even the first time I was offered this promotion. Three years ago, I rejected one but now, I gained the confidence and motivation to pursue that dream and it's because of you, Cee." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I'm not just doing this for myself, you know." He planted a kiss on my forehead and intimately looked into my eyes. "It's for us." 

He suddenly knelt in front of me and handed me a ring. "Marry me, Eucee Lizares. I won't accept any answers other than yes." 

Every thing around me seemed to stop. My heart was torn between beating fast and skipping some beats. I'm happy but ended up crying.

"Do I have a choice?" I said and nodded at him. "Okay, fine." 

He laughed as he put the ring on my finger. "Ano ba? Don't make it sound na parang napipilitan ka lang." He complained wearing a wide smile on his face. "Baka kung ano pa ang sabihin ng iba." 

"Haha. Iba? Wala namang ibang tao dito eh." 

He grinned. "Kaya nga..." He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him. "I can do this." 

Our kisses tasted bittersweet. 

My heart, too, is feeling the same.

I am extremely happy now but I can't deny the fact that I still have worries within me.

More tears came out as our lips parted.

"O--oy. Ba't ka ba iyak ng iyak ?" He tried wiping them off but they kept on flowing. "Hey..." 

"Calvin..." 

That night I cried on his arms.

Four years. Akala ko naranasan na namin ang dapat maranasan ng mga magkasintahan. Hindi pa pala. 

Lord, you're still giving me surprises up to this time. Grabe ka talaga...