December 31, 2002

Chapter 4, Autumn: Jordan.....Really, Stop

***

"Hey," Jordan says chirpily when I get into his car the next morning.
"Yeah, hi," I say grumpily with it being the morning and all.
"What the hell is up with you?" He says and I find him jumping out the moving car's window. I shriek.
"What the fuck did you just do?!" I yell past him and realize that the car is swerving, about to hit Jordan who's standing outside.
"Oh my fucking god," I say when I hear a high-pitched "haaa" before an also high-pitched laugh in the backseat.
I turn to see what it is and find Ariana Grande sitting there.
"Oh finally you're here, bitch. You got a dollar?"
"What the actual fuck?" I say. "Why?"
"So I can go get a slushie."
"Um, my friend just jumped out the window. I don't have a fucking dollar, ma'am."
"You're fuckin' lying, lemme see, open your purse."
She snatches my bag and opens it to look at its contents. Holy shit.
"I see it right there, give it, gimme your dollar"
"Fuck no," I say grabbing my bag back and the car swerves and crashes into a tre-
I wake up to my alarm ringing loudly. What the actual fuck was that? Ugh, Rose's obsession with Ariana Grande got to me. Fuck my life. Well hopefully my ride to school with Jordan won't be half as bad.

***

Okay. The ride was definitely better than the retarded dream I had. We were pretty much quiet for the whole ride which is absurd. The ride was 30 minutes and we still managed to be quiet and awkward as hell.
"Hey, where were you yesterday?" Rose comes up to me while I'm at my locker.
"I just wasn't feeling well, is all."
"Do you feel better?"
"Well, I'm here, aren't I?"
"True," she says laughing a little, "So what'd you do when we were stuck here?"
"Oh yeah. Jordan showed up at my house to drop off an assignment."
"Wow, really?" she says. I nod. "Well, just be careful around him, with Coraline being his girlfriend and all."
"It's not like anything's going on between us. We're just friends. Actually, maybe not even that."
"I know, I'm just saying to watch out for her."
Just as I'm about to head to class, I see Coraline pass by and whisper under her breath, "ugly bitch," and leaves.
"I swear to god, Imma beat the shit out of her when I get the chance," Rose says.
"Rose, it's fine."
"She just called you an ugly bitch and you're telling me it's fine? Are you out of your mind?" She says furiously.
"It's okay, I'm used to it, please calm down, please," I beg.
"Fine, but I'm going to give her a piece of my mind one day. And you shouldn't be used to it."
"Whatever, okay," I say as I head to English and she enters her class, "bye, see you at lunch."
I walk into class to find Jordan already waving me over. I hesitate but make up my mind and grab an empty seat next to him.
"Hey, how was your morning?" he asks me with his toothy, heart-warming smile.
"Good, yours?"
"Good too," he says and then starts talking again, when I notice the bracelet around his wrist and remember when he saw mine yesterday when he dropped off the assignment. Wow, he actually remembered. He sees me looking and gives me a half smile, half smirk and continues talking. Where does he get all this confidence? "So for our assignment, I was thinking we should meet up sometime and think of ideas for it, sound good?"
Meet up? How the hell with his controlling-ass girlfriend? But instead, I say, "Um, yeah, that's fine."
"Great. So do you think we could do, maybe, Saturday evening? And my house, yours, timmies, your pick."
"Tim's is fine," I reply.
"Perfect," he says.
Jordan and I just made plans. Jordan Adler and I just made plans. I miss him so much, but I shouldn't. Not after what he's done. God, he's so oblivious.

***

I am literally drowning in my homework. It's only the end of the first week back and I already have 2 new projects and a test in 2 weeks. This is cruelty, I swear.
"Hey L," my mom comes in without knocking, God, I hate when she does that. L is my middle name's initial. "How are you doing?"
"I'm alright, Just a bit stressed. Is it okay if I walk over to timmies and hang out there a little?" I ask, the idea just hitting me. It'd be good. I'll relax a little.
"Yeah sure, feel better sweetie, take care," she says as she closes the door after her.
I get up from my desk and throw on a pair of black sweatpants and my favourite oversized grey hoodie. I shuffle out my other book bag from my closet because it already managed to get messy when I cleaned it just yesterday. I stuff my homework, pencil case, and wallet and run down the stairs, grabbing the keys off the table near the door and head out.
"Bye mom," I yell as I'm locking the front door, I hear a call for my name. Jordan.
"Hey!" I say, letting myself get excited.
"You're leaving too?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'm going to Tim's. All the school work is so exhausting."
"Same," he smiles and starts telling me about all the work he has to do. Then asks me to walk over together. Well duh, what do you think? I can't bump into you and say no to walking together and walk ahead of you. That'd just be plain rude. And not to mention, awkward. Plus, it could be a chance for us to rebuild a broken bond. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Was it too much to ask to have my best friend back?
"Sure, let's go," I answer him and we start heading down the sidewalk.
A couple of minutes later, we reach the Timmies branch and enter. We head over to the line with three or four people ahead of us. There's a moment of awkward silence of us standing side by side, before I ask him what he's ordering.
"Oh, um, I'm just getting an iced cap," he replies, "what about you?"
"I like croissants, so I'll get one, along with a hot chocolate," I reply.
"Just like when we were kids," he says with a faraway look.
"Y-yeah..." I say with a faint smile.
The line starts to move up and we reach the cashier.
"Hi how may I help you?" the lady at the counter asks.
I tell her the order and she says, "That'll be $13.40, how would you like to pay?"
"Cash please," I say as I turn my bag around and shuffle around for my wallet.
"It's okay, I got it," Jordan says.
"No, it's really fine, I can pay," I reply.
"No, no, I'm paying."
"Jordan, I can pay a couple dollars, it's fine," I protest but he'd already paid.
"You know I could have paid, right?" I say to him.
"It's alright, love. I got it."
I- did he really just say that? lOvE? I can't even remember what we were talking about anymore. Cheese? No wait that's not it. Oh right.
"I really could've paid but fine," I say, giving up and he grins.
"Order #58," the cashier calls out as we head over, grab our drinks and my croissant and simultaneously head over to a booth in the corner, sitting across from each other.
"Talk to me," he says and catches me by surprise, "Yes, this is a threat," and he points his index fingers in my direction, making finger guns.
I can't help myself and start to laugh. I missed this. He starts to laugh along with me. After a few minutes of disturbing the whole shop with our laughter and a few dirty looks our way, we finally calm down.
"Alright then... So what do you want to talk about?" I ask him.
"You. How are you? How is everything? Any new boyfriends?" He asks with a smirk as he asks the last question
"Oh hell no, I could never"
"What do you mean?" he asks with furrowed eyebrows.
"I mean, I could never," repeating what I said.
"Like what? You could never get a boyfriend?"
"Yep," I state.
"Why? 'Cause you're too good for the guys we know, right?" He says, half jokingly.
"Yeah, in my dreams," I say, "I meant, 'I could never,' as in, I'm annoying, ugly, fat, you know, Autumn."
He pauses for a second, looking a bit shocked. Doesn't everyone already know this? Why do I need to spell it out for him?
"Yeah," I say, confirming my last statement.
He takes another pause when he says, "How could you?"
Now it's my turn to be surprised, "How could I what?"
"How could you just sit there and call yourself that? Like seriously, how could you? The autumn I know would never do that."
"It's fine, Jordan. Get over it," he really does need to get over it.
"But what makes you think that?" He asks me.
"Oh it's no big deal," I try to deter the subject but he starts back at it again.
"Autumn, it is a big deal. Just tell me who's bothering you," he argues.
"Just Coraline..." I trail off.
"My girlfriend?" He asks, surprised.
"Yeah, do you know any other Coralines?"
We sit there for a moment in silence when he breaks it, going off.
"Autumn, you need to know how much you're worth. You are beautiful and smart and so insightful and just amazing. You have to stop comparing yourself to others because they're nothing like you-"
"Yeah, because I'm way below," I interrupt.
"Autumn, listen to me. They're nothing like you because you're too good for them. Way too good. You're so much more worth than what you imagine. Oh and did I mention beautiful? Come on now! "
"Jordan..Really, stop," but he doesn't listen.
"What happened to the Autumn I know? Always up for a challenge, never giving up, believing in herself and her worth. People love you for who you are and what you're worth and let me tell you, you're very much worth it. I know it's not much coming from a guy like me, way below you, but trust me on this one, Autumn. You're worth so, so much more than what you believe."
I sit there dumbfounded. Was this really Jordan? Of all people, Jordan says this about me? Me? Autumn? Autumn Wilson? He thinks I'm below him? Oh god, no. I feel something wet on my face. My tears started to brim with tears. No, why am I crying? I wipe the tears as fast as I can. I realize Jordan had moved next to me and looks me in the eyes.
"Autumn."
"Mhm."
"Look at me."
I manage to raise my head up a little.
"You really are worth so much," he whispers and it's like the rest of coffee shop's noise drowned.
"Why are you doing this? W-why are you lying to me?"
"Because you're worth it," he says with a sigh, inching closer to me, wrapping me in an awkward, yet comforting hug, "And I'm not lying. I never lie."
"You can run now before you'll regret it later," I tell him.
"I'd never want to do that," he says, voice still a whisper, "especially with someone who's as full of spirit and beauty as much as you."
I'm speechless again. "Here," he says, grabbing my bag and our drinks, leading me outside, "Screw the homework, let's go." I don't even bother to argue with that.
We start back down the same way we came and by the time we get back to our neighbourhood, I realize he still has my bag, I reach for it but he stretches his hand away from me, his few inches on me giving him advantage, "I got it."
When we finally get to our houses, he hands it over.
"Thanks," I say, the least he could get is a thank you after all he did for me.
"Yeah," he says smiling, "See you tomorrow around 6 or 7?"
"Yeah," I say, remembering the plans we made for the English assignment.
"Night, Autumn," he says heading to his house as I head to mine.
"Night, Jordan."

***

I drop my bag at the foot of my desk and make sure the curtains are closed before I change into my other sweatshirt. I walk back over to the curtain and open it to find Jordan looking back at me from his window. Hell, was he checking me out? I also see the treehouse between our homes. And remember Jordan and I used to go up there when we got a new toy or just hung out together, or when one of us wasn't feeling good. We went there when his mom told him she was pregnant when we were 10 or 11. I also tripped on that ladder once. I notice Jordan's only wearing his sweatpants with nothing to cover his chest and subconsciously feel myself blush. The basketball team really doing him some good.Thank god he can't see that. He waves at me with a wide smirk and I wave back, rolling my eyes.
What he said about me changed nothing.